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ilPocketBuddha: Once upon a time.
lilPocketBuddha: There was this awesomely cool awesome person by the name of Sarah, but everyone called her Tiggy because she was too cool to be called Sarah.
lilPocketBuddha: And, one day, this Tiggy was sitting around, and she said "I know. I will go make friends with God."

And she did.
Claudia in Ashes: tehehe
lilPocketBuddha: And then God told her an amazing story.
Claudia in Ashes: yea?
lilPocketBuddha: It was about ballons and elephants, and dragons and weird Veitamese comedians.
Claudia in Ashes: elaborate!
lilPocketBuddha: But, he had a splinter in his fingers, and typing became difficult.
lilPocketBuddha: So he paused to take it out.
Claudia in Ashes: ...
lilPocketBuddha: But he couldn't find it, and it was itch.
lilPocketBuddha: itchY
lilPocketBuddha: and then he saw that she was losing focus on the story.
lilPocketBuddha: He he started again, this time from the middle.
Claudia in Ashes: waiting
lilPocketBuddha: So, our Heroine, not heroin, Mrs. Beauty Von Tiggerts, the Lady of Yaourt
lilPocketBuddha: She was walking through the middle of a dark and scary jungle
lilPocketBuddha: and the trees stretched up to the sky
lilPocketBuddha: and blotted out the midday sun.
lilPocketBuddha: Therefore, though in the heart of the jungle, there was shade.
Claudia in Ashes: dieuuu im scurred
lilPocketBuddha: And plenty of awesome peoples to fan her with the tropical leaves of the Gimjub tree.
Claudia in Ashes: ooooh. so i'm like a jungle princess?
Claudia in Ashes: hawt.
lilPocketBuddha: And, with the beautiful fanners fanning her and the even more beautiful carriers carring her carraige, she went through the forest to the Temple of the Hawt.
lilPocketBuddha: It was a long and arduous journey, but not for her.
lilPocketBuddha: She just sat in her carraige and ate Mulberry icecream
Claudia in Ashes: I'm lactose intolerantttt
lilPocketBuddha: Without cream.
lilPocketBuddha: xD
Claudia in Ashes: oh. okay.
lilPocketBuddha: And the most tastiest good foods of the entire jungle environ.
Claudia in Ashes: dieuuuu i better not be fat in this story
lilPocketBuddha: Her beautiful beauties toiled in the heat, but she had fanners and air conditioning and a wide screen tv
lilPocketBuddha: You're not.
Claudia in Ashes: im sorry - am i interuppting too much?
lilPocketBuddha: You're not.
lilPocketBuddha: xD
Claudia in Ashes: okay. cool. tv. i wanna watch porn.
lilPocketBuddha: So, after watching the "Super Cool Yaoi Yuri Battle Sex Squad For Defend Of World From Evil Mosnters Beyond Space Alpha Bunny Girl Planet vol. 7" she arrived at the fabled Temple of Hawt
Claudia in Ashes: ... .dayum
lilPocketBuddha: And, standing in front of the temple was a big stone.
lilPocketBuddha: Enscribed on the stone was the ultra secret and impossible to read language of the Drorinai
lilPocketBuddha: So, Yaourt was carried from the carriage on the shoulders of her faith and fateful Beauties.
lilPocketBuddha: Looking at the stone, she traced her fingers against it's rough surface, and.
lilPocketBuddha: and....
lilPocketBuddha: and.........
Claudia in Ashes: ....
Claudia in Ashes: tell meeee!
lilPocketBuddha: Three vampire pirate ninja samurai werewolf kitsune catgirls jumped from the the trees carrying an ungodly assort ment of asiatic weapons.
lilPocketBuddha: "Ha ha ha," they laughed like speed racer with their mouths not intime to their actios, "We have come" their mouths stopped moving "to stop you from entering the Temple and getting the Ultimate Hawt."
Claudia in Ashes: -blink-
lilPocketBuddha: Tiggy just blinked her eyes and they dissappeard in a puff and reappeared in fan-fic hell along with the Yugi/Kaiba stories.
lilPocketBuddha: (I so tottaly wrote you blinked before you blunk)
Claudia in Ashes: omfg nowai
lilPocketBuddha: "I really need to understand this writing" she said out loud. Suddenly the stone flew up into the air, did a barrrel roll, and came back down.
lilPocketBuddha: Now, upside down, the text could easily be read.
lilPocketBuddha: And it said...
Claudia in Ashes: SUSPENSE
Claudia in Ashes: ... my ******** great grandmother just rolled over in her grave, dammit
Claudia in Ashes: HURRY UP
lilPocketBuddha: Whosoever reads this stone and enters the temple and destroys the Holder of the Ultimate Hawt will be crowned QUEEN OF HAWTNESS
Claudia in Ashes: ******** YES
Claudia in Ashes: now whos the holder?
lilPocketBuddha: And that, Tiggert jumped out of her carraige, did a tripple back flip, and made Chuck Norris die as awesomeness was ripped out of his bosom.
Claudia in Ashes: pft, chuck norris is NOT hawt
lilPocketBuddha: Chuck Norris was heard to utter "You've gotten me this time, Captian Planet".
Claudia in Ashes: but yeah, awesome. ******** owned.
lilPocketBuddha: But that doesn't matter to the story.
lilPocketBuddha: Anyway.
Claudia in Ashes: ...
lilPocketBuddha: With beauties linning up to lay down on the ground so that their Lady could walk over them, Tiggy entered the temple.
lilPocketBuddha: It was creepy and dark.
lilPocketBuddha: Some where, gothic music was playing.
Claudia in Ashes: indiana jones-y?
Claudia in Ashes: scratch dat.
lilPocketBuddha: Scratch waht?
lilPocketBuddha: My back is itchy.
Claudia in Ashes: indiana jones was not very gothy
Claudia in Ashes: so yeah. continue plz
lilPocketBuddha: Not at all.
lilPocketBuddha: Though, a goth Jones would be funny.
Claudia in Ashes: he was pretty sexy though
lilPocketBuddha: Anyway.
Claudia in Ashes: hell yeah.
lilPocketBuddha: In walks Indiana Jones. "Snakes, always have to be snakes."
Claudia in Ashes: i just imagined a cowboy with fangs
Claudia in Ashes: WHAT THE ******** HELL
Claudia in Ashes: hahaha
lilPocketBuddha: And then Tiggy said, "I think it would be better if you were a vampire with FANGS."
Claudia in Ashes: i am sick and tired
Claudia in Ashes: of these muthafukn snakes
lilPocketBuddha: As such, he grew fangs, and then layed down to be stepped on and over.
Claudia in Ashes: in this muthafukn temple
lilPocketBuddha: Deep into the temple they went.
lilPocketBuddha: Further and further.
lilPocketBuddha: In each room, Tiggy either killed someothing stupid
lilPocketBuddha: or recieved beautiful gemralds.
Claudia in Ashes: what's my weapon?
lilPocketBuddha: WHich ever she prefred.
lilPocketBuddha: She fought with her beauty.
lilPocketBuddha: And/or japanese wepaontry.
Claudia in Ashes: oh snap.
lilPocketBuddha: and/or an awesom shotgun.
lilPocketBuddha: So
lilPocketBuddha: Finally
Claudia in Ashes: like that chick in resident evil
Claudia in Ashes: she was hawt
lilPocketBuddha: Covered in the blood of her enemies - or not if she used a towel to clean her self.
lilPocketBuddha: she reached the heart of the temple
Claudia in Ashes: towel
lilPocketBuddha: The walls were a sickly white
lilPocketBuddha: and light eminated from below.
Claudia in Ashes: hahaha i read sticky
Claudia in Ashes: and i was like "............."
lilPocketBuddha: In the center of the carpeted room stood the Ultimate Hawt.
Claudia in Ashes: who is it?! what is it?!
lilPocketBuddha: "You will never defet me. I invented Hawt," Paris hilton sneared.
lilPocketBuddha: DUN DUN DUN!
Claudia in Ashes: I THINK I JUST PISSED MYSELF
Claudia in Ashes: HAHAHAHA
lilPocketBuddha: Tiggy said "SHut the ******** up b***h, you're ugly, and so not hot. Eat my hot lead," and with that she proceeded to blow multiple holes in Paris' body.
Claudia in Ashes: ******** yeah! rip her nose off, its weird
lilPocketBuddha: "HAHAHA," Yaourt cried as she stood over the corpse of her defeted rival. Reaching down she pulled of Paris' nose.
lilPocketBuddha: "I have destroyed you and have become the ULTIMATE HOT."
Claudia in Ashes: HELL YES. I AM VICTORIOUS.
Claudia in Ashes: that was somehow... too...easy...
lilPocketBuddha: And then, Hilton Hotels was changed to Tiggy Hotels
lilPocketBuddha: and she had hotel parties with the members of MSI.
lilPocketBuddha: But
lilPocketBuddha: Then....
Claudia in Ashes: ooomg
Claudia in Ashes: if i could get ******** up just once with jimmy urine
Claudia in Ashes: i'd die happy..
Claudia in Ashes: then what?!
lilPocketBuddha: Out
lilPocketBuddha: of
lilPocketBuddha: the
lilPocketBuddha: blue
Claudia in Ashes: i'm scurred again
lilPocketBuddha: Comes a zombifed, noseless, hawtless Paris Hilton
Claudia in Ashes: aaaaaaaaaaah
Claudia in Ashes: NOOOOO
lilPocketBuddha: She lead an army of evil undead deadfullness
Claudia in Ashes: -trembles in fear!-
lilPocketBuddha: And then Jimmy Urine said, "I got this one."
Claudia in Ashes: ... my true hero
lilPocketBuddha: He bust out his microphone, turned up the base, and screamed.
Claudia in Ashes: -covers my ears-
lilPocketBuddha: "BITCHES LOVE ME CAUSE THEY KNOW THAT I CAN ROCK."
lilPocketBuddha: and one fourth of the army died.
Claudia in Ashes: tehehe
lilPocketBuddha: "BITCHES LOVE ME CAUSE THEY KNOW THAT I CAN RHYME"
lilPocketBuddha: and one forth of the army died, their skulls splintered by awesome.
lilPocketBuddha: "BITCHES LOVE ME CAUSE THEY KNOW THAT I CAN ********"
Claudia in Ashes: BITCHES LOVE ME CUZ THEY KNOW THAT I CAN ********!
lilPocketBuddha: And one forth of the army pulled their ears off and then died of lack of awesome
lilPocketBuddha: "AND BITCHES LOVE ME CAUSE THEY KNOW THAT I"M ON TIME."
Claudia in Ashes: eeeheheheeee
lilPocketBuddha: and the last forth of the army died, turned to utter dust.
Claudia in Ashes: ********
lilPocketBuddha: Jimmy Urine fell down in a fit of un-songfulness.
Claudia in Ashes: noooo
lilPocketBuddha: "Save me, Yaourt, you are my only hope."
lilPocketBuddha: And then Tiggy stood up, and took the microphone.
lilPocketBuddha: Then she chucked it at that bitches head.
lilPocketBuddha: "******** YOU PARIS HILTON." Tiggy screamed
Claudia in Ashes: bwahaha
lilPocketBuddha: "I'm GONNA RIP YOUR NON EXISTANT TITS OFF AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH THEM"
lilPocketBuddha: and then gods pinky got tired of holding down the shift button so he had to pause for a second.
Claudia in Ashes: ...
Claudia in Ashes: its called 'capslock'
lilPocketBuddha: God doesn't use Capslock because he never learend how to do it, and, not being a n00b, he has no reason to do it except when Jimmy Urine is singing.
lilPocketBuddha: duh.
Claudia in Ashes: you press it
Claudia in Ashes: and everything MAGICALLY GOES CAPS LIKE THIS
lilPocketBuddha: With blood in the appropriate organs, Tiggy jumped at the zombified noseless (Do you want me tot ell the story or not?
Claudia in Ashes: then you press it again and everything magically isnt caps anymore
lilPocketBuddha: stfu, <3
Claudia in Ashes: OKAY OKAY
lilPocketBuddha: And noseless Paris Hilton.
lilPocketBuddha: She made good on her promise, and ripped her tits off. But, since they didn't exist, she could not beat paris with them.
lilPocketBuddha: "Why won't you stay dead!" lamented Tiggy.
lilPocketBuddha: But then Tiggy knew what to do.
lilPocketBuddha: There was only ONE thing that can stop an undead Paris Hilton.
lilPocketBuddha: Only ONE thing.
Claudia in Ashes: justin timberlake?!
lilPocketBuddha: Yes!
Claudia in Ashes: ....
lilPocketBuddha: And then, from the corners of our mind.
lilPocketBuddha: Came Justin Timberlake.
lilPocketBuddha: Tiggy stared at him, and ripped his skull out of his body.
lilPocketBuddha: She took his spine and turned into a bow.
lilPocketBuddha: She took his hair and turned it into the bow string.
Claudia in Ashes: justin's bald...
lilPocketBuddha: Did I say from his head?
lilPocketBuddha: And, who's telling this story?
Claudia in Ashes: ...
lilPocketBuddha: ;cuddles;
Claudia in Ashes: -hug- okay fine continue
lilPocketBuddha: Tiggy loaded his pathetic skull into the weapon and pulled it back.
lilPocketBuddha: "Eat this, whore," she said as Timberlakes head flew through the air, and got stuck inside of Paris Hilton.
lilPocketBuddha: Suddenly, there was an atomic explosion, killing everything except for Tiggy.
Claudia in Ashes: durtyyyy thoughtsss
lilPocketBuddha: Shey lay there, beneath the rubble of the building.
lilPocketBuddha: She felt injured. dying.
lilPocketBuddha: She opned her eyes and they closed.
Claudia in Ashes: no! i cant die!
lilPocketBuddha: She reached her hand out.
lilPocketBuddha: and then something grabbed it.
lilPocketBuddha: ANd held it tight.
lilPocketBuddha: Her eyes wouldn't open, but she was being carried.
lilPocketBuddha: and put down on a soft bed.
lilPocketBuddha: where she slept for a week and two hours.
lilPocketBuddha: When she work, Jimmy Urine was at her side.
Claudia in Ashes: hehehehee
lilPocketBuddha: "I want to thank god," he said, and looked down at her.
lilPocketBuddha: "JIMMY MOTHER ******** URINE," squeed tiggy fangirlishly.
lilPocketBuddha: "For programing my beats."
lilPocketBuddha: "I thought you were going to say for me being alive," tiggy frowned realizing that he ownly would quote his songs.
lilPocketBuddha: It snowed that day.
lilPocketBuddha: And Jimmy gave Tiggy an extra special closet trip wherein he demonstated how to "royally ********" someone.
lilPocketBuddha: It snowed.
lilPocketBuddha: And that's the story of the first christmas.
Claudia in Ashes: Is it... over?
lilPocketBuddha: Part one, yeah.
Claudia in Ashes: I LOVED IT
lilPocketBuddha: Because like, I totally stopped talking to the five othe rpeoel I was talking too.
lilPocketBuddha: xD