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Last goodbye....I think...
During the past days....Alex has been bugging me a lot, and talking bad stuff behind my back...like she was comparing me with that other guy whom she loved before but sorta didnt quite give a s**t about her feelings.....said things that I made her suffer...that I hurt her...physically.....a lot of exagerated things...well maybe some things are true but I always had to go and find a way to settle the conflicts...and I did hurt her...physically....but I didnt punch her....I just shoock her body because I was dying to know what was wrong with her that day and I also dont like to be shut out of her world because she feels like it....God...I admit I did some wrongs...but Why am I punished by her sarcasm and her insults...why does she hate me so much...?.....it was she who decided to break up and I have moved on but at the same time Im being chased behind my back like those bullies in my earlier years did....I dont get her anymore...I dont think I know her anymore either...my best friend....my comrade...my sister....my love...my girlfriend...and what could've been my future wife.....probably...is now hating me, tormenting me, and spatting all my friendship in the face...and if thats how its gonna be, Id rather cut ties with her....but she always says something about me, or starts bugging me on something and Im always going to be insulted....Im insulted because I love her...so much....no woman has gotten so intimatly close to me before than she did....and I just cant seem to resist her comments.....Im not a hypocrite...I do care for her....but not like she was my own....Im so confused with myself and her and everything. Love...or friendship...nothing makes sense anymore....a part of me convinces me that sometimes, bonds are made to be severed some day, and some few last forever; but I was not the one who severed those bonds...I was the one who distanced myself because I knew things would never be the same...and on top of it all, I was REPLACED.....by some jerk who's some pro on paintball...woopie-doo...good for you Alex...what was I...uh...a Kung fu trainee/kendo student who knows how to fight like a samurai/Senior student/Artist/Gangster beater....?....I guess being your boyfriend from the beginning was a huge mistake of mine....I sometimes think I just never knew you too well....you were wearing a mask all the time and I didnt know....or maybe you just split personalities with the demon inside you and decided to shun me, forget me, talk bad about me, and go on with some ******** jerk who pretty much didnt even liked me because Im just 18 years old????.....Women are complicated beings, yeah thats true, and so are Men....but you're not gonna be a princess all your life....Human beings are not perfect...why dont you get that....? I will find someone again, and then Ill break up again and find another and so on till I find the right one....I dont care if you and I fight like this....I care because I lost you as my best friend...and soon Im about to finish you off if you continue to anger me.....Please....just leave me....*sniff*.....*sniff*.....you're not going to change anything....not even for yourself....*sniff*.....if you hate me....then hate me....it just adds one more human being that has a grudge on me for something stupid....*sniff*.......It'll all be over....and I'll have to start anew....like always....*sniff*.....Father.....Daddy.....Im so sorry.....I only want to be saved.....*sniff*........*sigh*.........This...is....the end.....
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