Well I haven't written a journal entry in a long time...so here I am now...my cell phone is about to die out the battery is low and I really don't feel like charging it because I really don't feel like talking to anyone...because though I've had a wonderful day out with my boyfriend at the mall and though I know he will be here for me as he always is now...the things that have been happening here at home are unbearable sometimes...though I appear to be such a happy person so outgoing and it seems like I have everything I could possibly want...if I am such a great person then why please tell me why bad things have to be happening in my life right now...in my life I pretty much get everything I want I pretty much have everything I need but why do things always come crashing down in my face...and where is that person to help me pick up the pieces...so much has happened alot of good has happened lately but everytime I get used to something everytime I am happy something bad happens...you are probably wondering what am I talking about am I correct?...well I guess it's just about time I let it all out because you know what ...it's really hard to be happy when so much has happened so I'm gonna tell you now...and you know what call me feeling sorry for myself call me a drama queen call me whatever the hell you ******** feel like calling me cause I honestly don't give a crap what you think...my brother has been screwing up lately my brother who I love so much my brother who is so close to me well atleast I thought we were close until this one day...when everything changed and...it is really hard to see my brother waste his life hanging out around the wrong people doing drugs getting drunk every night and never coming home and even though I know it's his life and not mines to live it sucks to see him throw his life away like this...and you know what I pray so hard to God that things will change I pray sooo hard for things to get better and you know what they just have gotten worst....it's really hard to be happy when my mother who battled cancer for my brothers and myself saying the only reason she beat her cancer was to be there for us knowing no one else would be there...to see her now crying every night because she can't help her son and he's the one choosing not to change and it aggrivates me so much he's the one causing the problems if only he truly wanted to better himself and be apart of our family again then maybe things wouldn't be so hard maybe things would get better...my mother believes her ulsers are back evertime she eats she complains of bad stomache pains...and ulsers are stressed induced so I believe the stress from my brother caused this to occur my mother is afraid her cancer is back and I'm afraid that I will have to live with my real dad if something ever happened to her cause my step dad doesnt have custody of me and...what will I do if that ever happened what will I do if things got to the point that my mom and I move out because she thinks maybe we can get a place where my brother can live with us but that's bullshit why does she need to make herself miserable when he's the one that doesn't give a crap for no one but himself...but things get hard but I can't sit here and cry about it I have my life to live so maybe things might get better only God knows...so until then I will just keep praying.Thank you...to all those who have been there for me:Robert,Holly,Ray Ray,Jeremiah,and my family and friends..."I LOVE YOU ALL"
******Fay******
xemopinknekox Community Member 
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