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Hello.. I am here again.

I wanted to go sleep early but I can't seem to do that. I think I start to overthink things too much again. I tried to ignore it but I can't so, I won't sleep. I feel like I am really stressed right now. Well, not only because of the assignments that are piling up, but also some of my other personal problem. Do you know the feelings where you have so much things to do and problems came at you at the same time that you're clueless on what to do? I know it sounds weird and I don't think you'll ever understand to what was I saying. I don't know if anything I am saying now makes any sense but how I feel right now is undescribable. I'm sorry, I am feeling very down. This are the one of the times that I really start to feel like I'm not capable of anything, stupid and all. I know I shouldn't think like that but I can't control my emotions right now. I feel like crying, screaming at the top of my lungs, and I would really do it if I could now but I won't, or else my family are going to freak out and going to think I went nuts. So, I'll just hold it in.

Anyway, I really wanted to finish my degree and graduate quickly. I feel like time flies so fast that I am currently in my third year / final year. Not that I don't like it though. I am happy that time actually flew fast... for now. Because I really wanted to get the f**k outta here. Sometimes I was being really impatient even though I know the fact that I'll be finishing my studies next year. I am never the studying type of person. Or to be more accurate, I am not good at studying to anything that I am not interested in even if I force myself. (some of the subjects / classes are interesting though. I don't apply this to all of the classes that I take okay?) Maybe I don't really show it but I do struggle like hell. I am not saying that I am the only who is struggling because the other students are in the same boat too. To be honest I feel dumb 'there' because there are a lot of.. you know.. I call the geniuses as "google brain". (what a lame nickname) Why? Because they know everything. I tried my best, but still bad. They think fast too. Very quick-witted, unlike me. If I had to compare, they're like Firefox or Chrome browser, and I'd be the Internet Explorer browser like seriously. Oh gosh, what kind of example was that? That was lame, I know. See? I am dumb. Pardon me, I don't know what I've just said either so don't mind me if I start to say anything stupid or weird here and there because my mind is messed up right now.

Okay I know that you, whoever you are, that reading this will be saying "damn why is she being so negative?" and I don't deny it. I realize that I am being like that right now while writing this journal. So whatever. Anyway, I have so much things to do left. Even so, I am still not doing it because I can't really concentrate. Too many things in my head and I can't do my work very well. So I'm going to do it later because I won't sleep anyway. Maybe I will, just for like 2 hours maybe. That's normal for students. Sometimes, when you gotta pull an all-nighter, all the best, you may barely even get any sleep.

And now it is raining and it feels sooooooo good! I like rainy days (not when I'm planning to do my laundry). Whenever it rains, it actually affects on my mood. Good mood by the way 'cause I like rainy days where you can just relax and rest. Haha after saying that, I seriously need a break and like a LEGIT break. You see, 1 week of semester break wasn't enough. I don't feel like semester break is a holiday to be honest. Let me tell you, it is more like assignment week. What a sh*tty semester break.

Okay, I feel a lot better after writing so I am going to continue doing my assignments now. Pfft, I didn't expect to write more than 1 paragraph. Lol okay. Bye and chow!