It's funny. I haven't really had a need to post anything in nearly 8 years. I guess that is a good thing. I really have no idea why I am doing it, but maybe it will make me feel better. I have been in this emotional slump for nearly a few months now. I guess the facade I wear has fallen off. I hardly tell anyone how I truly feel. Maybe they know, I mean, I highly doubt I have that good of a poker face. But even still, I can't bring myself to tell them how empty I feel. How alone I am. I look to those I love and care for from the sidelines. My one friend moves away to start anew. I can't help but admire her for having the courage to take a plunge like that. I envy the hell out of her for that, and deep down, I miss her greatly. I don't know why I do, but I really miss her. I look at my other 2 friends. They recently married. I long for what they have. I rarely see a few others, due to the lives they have. I can't fault them for having lives. It's not in me to do so. I am not the center of attention. I am happy as hell for what they have. But deep down, I am jealous as hell for what they have. And it tears me up inside to feel that way. I feel horrible to envy those I love. I just don't know anymore. I just wish I had the courage to grab life by the horns, to take the plunge, but most importantly, find that someone who will complete me. I just wish I could....I really do.
 HELLBOUND CROW · Sat Feb 13, 2016 @ 08:46am · 0 Comments |
