I've read a lot of articles about the horrible ideas about having to reveal stress facts for your t, although I hope this is not totally insane. I'm coping with almost the opposite.
I've many 'issues' that I am aware of from an emotionally/verbally abusive stepfather to an adult that I trusted in high-school like a maternal figure that later showed she'd different tips for the connection... and then what's daily becoming more of the guarantee that I have repressed very early neglect (I have always had terrors but am not experiencing his and my voice within my head which isn't nice change of words)... I have NEVER told details of any one of this stuff. I have described to two individuals who "anything" happened with this particular person I trusted and that was the extent. I am plagued small movie within my mind of the people I remember by photographs and now these sounds of what I believe.
I also have discovered that I can not tell him SOMETHING if he does not ask directly and am dealing with at. I've told him this and he is great at wanting to ask me questions. The problem is, I also can not tell him what to ask. it is much like I am banned to just freely tell things but I am permitted to answer, although I know it could appear absolutely ridiculous. He has gone forward and backward about 'control' trauma and after that I think I am so calm about things happening I feel held back from talking that he does not believe they starts to believe we need to go another direction and are. I get so disappointed after I hear him get very depressed and discuss not addressing the injury exclusively and need to give up hope about actually getting relief. It is like I KNOW I've to have out these details but I cannot tell him that. I believe he's also concerned I can not handle coping with the injury directly as a result of my anxiety attacks, but I really don't know how to modify some of this. I would like it bad and I have read about every one of these new techniques to cope with PTSD without detailed processing, although he talks about attempting to get it done with as small depth and stress that you can.
Does this make sense to ANYBODY? I understand I would be VERY embaressed to mention the items I would need to and I wish it'sn't something sick building me want to... But I'm worried we are going to spend years since he thinks I am scared, tiptoeing round the specifics and that I am seriously attempting to spill the beans. I hope I can tell him this, but it isn't allowed.
