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So, tonight didn't really go as I had hoped and I'm kind of bumbed out about it. But, that's not really what this journal is about, because tomorrow I'm going to be perfectly fine, and me being upset will just be a thing of the past. I also don't get too sad all that often, so usually things hit me all in one night and I can just have a good cry, get it out, and then laugh about how dumb I was for being upset about what it was that I was upset about. But, like I said earlier, that's not what this journal is about.

I came to the realization about something tonight. I realized that I'm scared. I'm terrified really. I no longer have control over my heart and that scares me. I think it scares me so much because the last time that I gave my heart to someone it got broken and I really don't like that feeling. But, I think that my heart is in good hands. He's a good guy, whether he realizes it or not. I think I'm scared though because he's the first guy that I've really, truly opened up to. He's the first guy that has seen me vulnerable. And I don't want to mess this one up, because I can honestly say that I'm falling for him.

I told him that I was falling for him a while back, but I don't know if I truly meant it back then. I think there was just so much infatuation that I wanted tell him that I loved him, but I don't think I truly was falling for him. Now I really think I am. I think about him way more than I care to admit, I want to spend all of my time with him which probably is a little too much because I can be a handful, and when I'm out with someone else, I can't help but wish that he was there.

I don't know why all of this hit me tonight, but I just really wanted to get this off my chest. I want to tell him that I'm falling for him, but what's even more terrifying then telling him that is not getting a responce back. So, I will probably just keep it to myself. That plan also works out for me because this way I won't have to get over my shy self. I just want to make sure that I don't mess this one up because I really love him. I do, I love him. And I don't want to do anything crazy or drive him away.

It also scares me because I'm a very needy person, and he's admitted to not wanting or not liking a needy girlfriend. I can't help that part of me though, and I'm scared that he's going to figure out I'm too needy, or maybe that I'm too clingy, or my biggest fear is that he's going to realize he can do so much better. He's just so amazing. I don't want him to realize that he can do better, even though that's really selfish of me.

He makes me so happy, and I'm terrified that I'm going to loose that happiness. I'm terrified I'm going to loose him.