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I'm lonely.I don't know what to do with myself anymore. It's summer, so I can't keep myself busy with schoolwork. I picked up playing guitar again, and drawing, but I get impatient. The only thing I've been excited about doing recently is watching Game of Thrones...but I've finished it.
Yesterday, I asked my sister if she would want to watch the first episode with me. She made it certain that she would never watch it, no matter what. It's frustrating to me...actually...very upsetting. I really don't get that excited about anything, especially nowadays. Brent and I used to do everything with one another...now that he's gone, I've tried to forget about him by changing my room around, playing video games by myself, volunteering on the weekends, picking up interests again. By myself. And honestly...it kinda sucks. No, not kind of. It really sucks. My sister on the other hand, is either always working, in her room, or enjoying her life with her boyfriend. I rarely see her anymore...I really don't know who she is anymore. She seems happy. I'm happy for her. I just think it's funny that no matter how many years go by, I always, ALWAYS end up the third wheel. That also includes the third wheel when trying to hang out with her, and do something I would really like to do. It's obvious how excited I am about the show...I literally begged her again to just watch the first episode with me even. It's different, enjoying something with someone else, to share your enjoyment, or your frustration, with. You know? And I haven't had that since Brent and I broke up last year.
I don't have friends. I've never had true friends, ones that I trusted that much to hang out with, that I trusted enough not to judge me, or to take things too personally. I despise the drama, I don't like talking that much. I sounds like a retard whenever I open my mouth. Not only that, but the friends I were making at my work, those "friendly" relationships are now gone because I am manager now. I'm becoming in charge. Which is a very difficult thing to do, when the very first thing I want to do is be friendly, and open to conversation.
While everyone enjoys their weekends out, I am always in the same place where I have been all week: In my house, in my room, on the computer, or sleeping. I don't have anything to look forward to when I get home anymore. Except for my dogs, whom I can take on 2 hour walks and play with. God, I'm such a socially awkward loser. My sisters obviously think so...can't even watch a 50 min. show with me. Who would ever want to do that...
Cloud_Cookie · Wed Jun 25, 2014 @ 06:06am · 0 Comments |
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