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Anger

Usually, I get upset about things that are supposed to anger me. But lately, I've been feeling a lot of anger, true, raw anger. Some may say, "What's the difference?" To me, it's a big difference.

Being upset, I get sad, I get quiet, I do something to occupy myself to avoid thinking about what made me upset, my heart hurts, and I just want to sleep. It takes me about five minutes, at the least, to honestly get over it.

Being angry, I get extremely sad, I either don't speak at all or I speak too much (& usually end up saying a plethora of things I half the time don't mean and half the time I do mean but I really shouldn't have said it), I sulk and I want to keep thinking about it, I want to cry, my entire chest feels like I'm undergoing a myocardial infarction, and I end up tossing and turning in bed trying to sleep to forget about the situation. It takes me about a day, at the least, to honestly get over it.

I don't like being angry--it's a terrible emotion. It causes me to feel stressed and depressed. Like I mentioned in the first sentence, usually I get upset but lately, things have just been ticking me off more than usual causing me to feel angry. (No, it is not that time of the month.) Maybe it's because things are just getting way too out of line that I can't control it whatsoever. I understand I have no control over anything in life, but, I like to feel like I have some control. I'm not controlling, I promise, just like things to be in order.

I always do my best to be happy and find the good in life, but there's been darkness surrounding me lately. It drives me crazy that I'm so sad and angry what seems to be all the time. I really hope & pray that I can get out of this dark hole and back to my original self and have things back in order again.