eek Dude! Its been a long a** time since I've made an entry. When I read what happened in the past, I see my futur. Everything I talked about has happened... stare Again. New people, Same situation, Bigger porblem. This time I had sex with the person I was haveing a relationship with. She will be known as "The Heart Breaker" And now... scream Hell exclaim I have strong feelings for this person but they hate me now. Or at least I think she hates me. When we broke up it was because "I got clingy and a little creepy." She wanted to tell me to change sad how the hell am I suppost to change the person I've been for the greater portion of 17 years... ******** it... ya hear me scream ******** THAT AND ******** YOU!!! Hmm maybe a little too violent, but I dont care. Im free again and im gunna hold off on giving my heart away so freely, because I found thats the reason why I get hurt so easyly. When im asked "do I date inside my race?" do you know my answer?... Its no, And for this reason. Black people are insecure...no matter what. Even me. I date outside my race to find security in them and myself, but I never find it in myself. Though most of my happyness is gone, but it shal return. In life, One learns from everything. My teacher once told me,"Your smart as hell, Though you may not want to be, but you are. Your still here after crossing the freeway arn't you? You've learned that getting hit by a simi trailer isn't a good thing. So dont let someone put you down in your moment of relinqueshing your pain to find your happyness." These words have returned to me and have a greater meaning then when I first heard them. And now I feel that I can go through and do more than I was ever capable of. Im watching "10 things I hate about you" and its at the scene where the dude from austrailia was kissing the fighter, scary chick after playing paint ball. Its a lovely scene but it pisses me off because I remember times where I used to do those things with "The Heart Breaker". Its ok, I'll have another chance. A person like me always...Always gets a second chance whenever asked for one. All I need to do is bide my time and good things shal happen.
Dantaie · Sun Apr 23, 2006 @ 07:41pm · 0 Comments |