Eugh this entry is going to be embarassing.. Mostly because im at the edge of a panic attack right now. I dont know if typing out my feelings is going to help or not.. but i guess ill take the risk.
It's for a rather dumb reason too. I was watching a scary game through and i just started to get freaked out. Its like. Yes this is all fake, that is a pixelated cartoon. But for some reason its freaking me out. Possibly because in the game i for some reason relate it to a real life event. That one time when that one guy shot those kids.. I guess it isnt too far off. Young elementary school kids murdered for no particular reason other than somebody elses insanity..
That must be what freaks me out the most. And it makes complete sense. A panic attack means that you sort of feel like you're going insane, and i fear that. What if i lost my mind and killed everyone, like my patron troll gamzee. Craziness how it all connects like that.
What starts a panic attack for me is when someone or something makes things more intense than they really are.. its hard to explain like. This one time my cat had to have a sort of operation and when she came home she had a cone and was in the cat carrier but then when we let her out she ran to hide. My first reaction was like "aw man its okay kitty, come awn out" i was rather good hearted. Then my mom and my sister were chasing after her acting all like "Oh my god, Roxy no!" "stop Oh come On roxy. s**t. Its alright come on out..god damnit stop running." They just acted to panicked. The atmosphere changed for me. Its quite sad for me because i suddenly feel like crying now.. probably because im ashamed of the fact that i get so emotional and panicked to quickly. Eugh vicious cycle..
Anyways, I started to panic and freak out because they were. I suddenly felt like bad things could happen and this is super serious. I felt sick to my stomach and just kind of started freaking out. This was before i knew what panic attacks were. This was like the beginning of my puberty so everything was shitty and it felt like the end of my sanity everyday.
I suppose im just too sensitive of an empath that i misread emotions. I freak out too easily and feel sick. .. I really hope i can get over that.. i feel like that this can be very problematic for future events. -sighs- just as long as someone doesnt overreact over something..eugh no thats not true. I dont know, as long as i dont get the feeling that i could go insane and start killing everyone because of a panic striking even. Maybe? Eh, ******** it. I just hope i stop bein all super serious and emotional.
If anyone reads this. I'm so sorry <w> I'm actually an ok cool person. Just i get panic attacks now and again. The symptoms are feeling sick, feeling unreal, and feeling like you're going insane, hyperventilating uh just bad negative feelings. Its very horrifying. But yeah there are people who have it 10x worse than me. I jsut vent here n stuff.. I do feel a bit better, hopefully it stays this way. School is almost out, woooot. uh.. yeah sorry for all the typos
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