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a penny's worth
I hate this. I don't want to be this way. It's pathetic. I'm sad, and I'm lonely and I feel like you hate me. Sometimes you say that but then you say you don't mean it or you just don't say anything but I think you do mean it somehow and it makes me sad.
I just want someone to make me feel better. I don't know why I feel this way but I can't stop and everything makes me feel worse and I just I don't know.
I don't know how it happened but all my friends are gone or they're so close to being gone they might as well be and I don't have anything in common with anyone and I'm just angry but I'm not really angry I'm sad and I don't want to be sad
I never meant to be the way I am with you. I meant to act in some way that I kept some part of my dignity but I just caved at some point and I don't think you understand how angry that makes me. I want to do what you want. But I want to because I care about you and you just want someone that you can order around and mess with and I don't know it just makes me feel sick. Once awhile ago I told myself I wouldn't do anything onesided again but now I'm doing it again with you and this just isn't how I want to be.

Sometimes I feel like you care about me and it makes me so happy. And sometimes the onesidedness just doesn't bother me and I don't know why but it just doesn't and if it were like that all the time it would be fine. But sometimes it's like now and I just hate it and I don't want to do anything ever again and I hate myself and everything around me makes me hate myself more and I want someone to make me feel better and that makes me hate me again.
Or else I'm afraid and alone but I don't think you get what I mean by afraid like this it just ruins everything and I want it to go away. And I don't really want to say any of this to you because I think you'll just hate me even more but.
I know that none of this actually matters but I am pathetic and I can't handle anything. It's just. I don't know. You said once that it won't get better and I said that it would, or at least enough but you were really right I'm not going to stop feeling this way

I guess you know that I care about you as much as I can care about anyone and I'm sorry that it isn't very much. I'm sorry that I can't hriwwwweiuwebhuiuehrwi I don't know. I think you've had enough with stupid stuff like this and you're done with it but it just isn't going away. I'm sorry that I am who I am.

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