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My video is in the early stages of pre-production. Scripts are being produced and storyline finished. Costumes and props are being assembled but we don't have much money being that some of us are broke. Actors are hard to schedule around other people's schedule's. Videos are hard work but I'm no where near backing down. Cherry Blossom and I are just at each others throats everyday. I'm trying to convince her that our firendship is near death if not dead already. But we are both to stubborn to back down. I want more, she wants less. I want relationship, she wants firendship. We are just not working. She is planning to marry her fiance next year around June. I'm just trying to live quite frankly. Our firendship as of late has drained me of my energy. Its to the point where all we do is fight. sometimes about the most trivial of things. I don't know if me and Sakura will ever find common ground and get over this. things went to fast and left to many scars. Her decision were rushed and haste caused destruction in its wake. Most of her firends are too busy for her so now all she literally has is her fiance. I'm to emotional to hang with her and when we do we are at odds. If its not fighting its uncomfortable silence. We both wish we could have something like we had in the past but as I said, I want more and she wants less. Sakura is happy with her fiance though. He keeps her afloat in this vast emotional abyss that we've all found ourselves in. Amazing he is able to even put up with it but then again I know how it is. Only difference was I became faultly and he remains stable. I guess thats what happens when you allow fears and doubts to run amock in your head. He doesn't fear her leaving, He is quite sure they will be together forever. Confidense, thats what he gives her. My past leads me to doubt everything. I believe everything is faultly and nothing is every stable enough to withstand the test of time. Human life is so short, if we were immortal could one's love last forever for another. There is no doubt in my mind that I love her, and I always will, but I also know I'm unhealthy to her as a person. All I ever do is make her cry and its always unintentional. Yet when I try to leave she won't let me. she wants to keep her best firend, she'll never let me go, always forgiving me. Why? Why does she put up with me, likewise. Why does she forgive me where if it were anyone else she would never trust them again? Why I so important, what do I have that benefits her? Maybe because in the end I'm always there and I will comfort on a moments notice. Where others use her and lie I beat myself up and always apoligize for my mistakes. I don't know. Maybe things would run more smoothly if I did. Otherwise life is normal: boring, lonely, and depressing. Beat my Zelda for the 3DS. Went out and got a buch of anime and books to keep me occupied for the next one or two monthes. Anything to escape the constant reminder of her. It is summer after all, that was always our season. We always got so much closer....now......well atleast she's happy.
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