and im being completely serious.
and sometimes i think it'd be good for me. i'm that girl who's always smiling and everything's a joke to me, because i can't show my emotions. only a few people know this, but i was abused for a few years, starting when i was 5. my best friend/cousin thinks that that's why i keep things so closed off. I was taught at such a young age to keep secrets, that now i have a hard time showing anything. it's not something i do on purpose either. there have been so many times where i've wanted to cry with someone, or seriously talk to somebody, but i can't do it. i have a lot of thoughts, but i can't put them into words, so nobody really knows.
Tawny helps me a lot. I don't know how she did it, but she got me to open up to her. she doesn't judge me and she doesn't blow it off. the only thing is the fact that i need her so much makes me sick.
My mom always says when i was 3 i was practically 30. I've never been dependent on anyone. My parents have no idea about what went on in my childhood.
i pretend i don't need tawn, i love her, and i want to be with her, and i know it would break my heart if she left me, but still i pretend to myself that i can do everything alone...i just don't want to.
Well, it's easter and tawn's not here. She went on a little family weekend thing, and now that she's gone i don't really have anyone to talk to. and i've been doing a lot of thinking. if people knew what goes on in my head would i be in therapy? should i be in therapy?
lobstermanswife · Mon Apr 25, 2011 @ 06:54am · 1 Comments |