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For the last week I’ve been getting a lot worse. I have not been sleeping right, and my stomach swallowing problem has been getting a lot worse too. My depression is starting to become a nightmare more than anything.

My mother bought home a movie tonight. Something she thought I would love to see. We put it in and about 10 minutes into it I about died from heart break. It’s “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” if anyone was wondering. Just watching it broke my heart and reminded me of the one man I ever loved. Which gpes into many dreams I’ve been having about him getting a new girlfriend. And worse when I saw him it was like he wasn’t even happy to see me. I have him here on face book and everyone says to remove him and to forget him but I can’t. People say forget the one you love is hard but if you don’t you can’t move on. But can you move on when this person was someone you lived for cause they made you happy. Even the simple hello could change the worse thing ever. Ever since we broke up he became a super emo and saying no one cares about him and he no one understands though I did and I care. But it’s like I don’t matter. Which makes it a lot worse. I remember when I was super depressed cause he wouldn’t say hi to me or kind of enough to quote my status when everyone else in his world did. Even my Ex girlfriend he doesn’t really like that much gets more attention then someone that cared about him. I promised I wouldn’t be like the old me but I never sure what I did wrong to loose him. Oh well all I can be is emo about it.



I can’t breath right now I just took some pills to help me settle down. Even lately I can’t take pills cause it hurts my stomach so much. I don’t know what to do but starve myelf and not eat or take my pills just to be happy. Is that bad?



I’ve been super lonely lately and just talking to myself or sleeping It’s back to over 12 hours of sleeping. I don’t want to get up or talk to people online cause I have no one in real life but my parents. I know I couldn’t kill myself but I can’t stand being a lone any more. I thinking once more of going away for help.

I doubt people would notice if I was in the hospital.

I’m not happy about my weight and I know it’s my fault for not working on it but when I sleep too much there not much time to work out. And why should I work out no one will notice. It’s eaiser to be unhappy. Even my gender is killing me I wish I was a boy and that I would never have to deal with all the stupid female bs. I’m not pleased being a girl or doing girl things. I’m only happy pretending ot be a man. But I don’t want to risk of messing up and then being so much more upset that I do kill myself.



I just wish I had a real friend for once. Someone to take me out talk with me or just watch a movie with me. Cause my bestfriend is always busy be scinderella for her family nor wants to be around me. ..



They say god never gives more then we can take . Well God doesn’t live now. So it’s all BS