Dear ______________
Merry Xmas, friend! I sure hope Santa brings you all the things you asked for this year. I know how badly you wanted that new daughter you saw in Wal-Mart-- I remember you telling me, "Boy, I sure would give my left uterus to have one of those, even if I had to commit a thousand abortions to get it. I'd gladly throw my childhood hero, Mommy, out of a moving bus to get my hands on one. I''d punch Daddy in the scrotum for just one moment with that thing."
Well, I hope it doesn't come to that. May all your holiday wishes come true!
Yours baby-makingly,
hermione lol
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