Today I went out with my friends, and I've noticed even more the obvious pull from them. Whether I'm drifting or pulling away from them, there is a distance between us. I feel like I'm easily replaced and not important. Because they can just as easily hang out with my family, why is there any need for me?
I can easily see Eric and I moving far, far away and being happy with each other, having just each other. Sometimes I wish it would happen, but I don't know if that would exactly be best. Dreams are like that sometimes.
They keep going on about a hotel room, but I really don't think it's going to happen. And it's not like I can really say anything about it. I did break the trust. I did it, and it's something that's going to have to be worked on.
And it's not like he can stop me, physically. But his worry and the things that go with it aren't worth it anyway. I never really even thought about having a bachelorette party, or a bridal shower. I wasn't even sure that I was going to have a wedding, and right now, that's still iffy.
All I want is for it to be over with. I sometimes wonder what's even the point of rushing it. I mean, nothing is really going to change between us except my last name. And it would be nice to have the spousal rights in case something happens to either one of us. And I've kind of gotten used to Eric being the first one of his mom's kids to get married.
And she's working very hard on my bouquet, and I'm looking forward to it. And my dress is here. And my brother is marrying us. So, I'm hoping that everything else falls in place. I have to try and get the nerves to ask for help.
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Mind-Numbing Addiction
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