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wow... so im the worst at keeping a journal...


its kinda funny looking back at all my old posts and reading the comments... i do need to put some work up... thinking about starting to do avi art again... my lil sis has been going on about it the last couple of days... (yes me and both of my 2 younger sisters draw)
its interesting how when you think of the past how you could have done things differently... would you have? the people you loved then, do you think you would love them now? do you think you changed that much? would you have changed for them?
just because i made myself ready all these old posts it threw up so many old emotions. there where only ever two people in this world i have met that i would have given the world to.
tho i was young and VERY foolish (tho i don't think dumb) Ian has to be the first person who made me feel the way he did... without even being there he had my heart from day one. my ex jeff i care about and love a great deal, s**t i still talk to him this day, hes a good guy... he just never gave me the same fuzzy light-headed gitty bliss that Ian did lol. sadly still to this day i have YET to meet anyone like him ^^
and then kevin, well he was the one person that was able to take my mind of Ian (tho not completely at first) but one of those with time loves. Kevin became my best friend and in that the one i saw to it i made happy. i moved across country to be by his side. tho in the end it was not ment to be. i still talk to him and we keep in contact, just seems we made better friends then boyfriend and girlfriend. oh well i wish him all the happiness in the world
i am seeing someone right now. i have known him for about a yr now almost and have been together for about 7+ months and he makes me happy yes... but we have our fair share of fights. i really like and care about him but he does not make me feel like i wanna give him the same dogged loyalty i gave Kevin. i don't know its its because i don't wanna get hurt again so i got give him my heart like i did for Kevin. and he makes me feel NOTHING like how Ian made me feel.
this is stupid of me to i should not be remember these people (Kevin yes since i still talk to him) but Ian, heh I'm sure hes forgotten all about me its been a couple of years now. s**t almost 5 years since i had met him... lol wow... i am such a tard... and its very stupid of me to hold on to the memory of him... i feel like I'm a crazy person... O_o s**t is that bad??? OMG I'm ganna have 20 cats living alone in a cabin with no phone and only the internet and a bottle of vodka... shoot me...