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It's just one of those days... |
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Gah. Life just sucks. I don't even know where to begin.
Well, my new horsie had to be put down about a month ago. He had a bone chip in his knee... we saw it like, a few weeks before we took him in--- I think I knew it subconciously before that even, just that something was wrong. Meh jumping instructor kept telling us it was just an abcess, to let it go, that it'd pop... so we did that for a while, 'til he got worse. Then we took him to our vet to get x-rays done; she said he had a bone chip, and that we should take him to Purdue (bout four hours away) to have them remove it. So we took him... I left him thinking he'd be back in a few days, so it was an easy goodbye. When I came home the next day, my mom was bawling. He had to be put down. He'd foundered sometime within the past week, and there was no helping him...so I didn't get to say goodbye or anything... but the place sent me his tail braided with strands of dark purple and hunter green ribbon weaved through it. It was so beautiful, I started crying when I saw it.
I've gone and looked at a few, which is a bit hard for me. I'm a nervous rider no matter what horse I'm on, and it doesn't help that I haven't ridden hard for bout four months or more. So getting on horses I don't know at this point feels like suicide to me. But Melissa says I can, so I do it. Out of the three we've gone to look at, I've liked two of 'em pretty well. But for both of 'em, we had 'em vet checked...the first one had EPM (a neurological disease from parasites), and the second one had the beginning of nivicular (I think it affects the tendons in the leg...) that could get serious. So... yeah, I'm just gonna keep looking.
My mom hates me at the moment. Earlier this month, I had vented in my journal bout how much the woman can piss me off, how bad I wanna move out, etc. Even talked a bit 'bout suicide. Well, supposedly it was open on my bed...so she read it. All of it. And now won't look at me, much less talk to me. I tried saying sorry, even if I still don't really feel guilty bout what it said...I just wish she hadn't found it. I feel horrible in a way, I never like making her feel bad. Who knows if she'll ever treat me the same.
My friends are doing okay, I guess. I haven't talked to Leah in forever, just 'cause I wanna make sure I'm in a good mood when I talk to her. And here lately, that just hasn't been happening. I stayed over at Hoff's house two nights...that was fun, but I didn't really fit in with Audrey there. I think she's a bit more spastic than me. But it all works. Other than that, I haven't seen Annika lately either. A bit depressing. And I haven't seen Caroline either. Pfft.
Beth's all depressed 'cause Cody got sent to boy's school. Dumbass that he is, he stole pieces from a Mercedes Benz. Dunno what the dipshit thought was gonna happen. They don't even know how long he's gonna be there, could be until he's 21 for all they know. I guess they find out in like 2 weeks or something. So she'll be driving me insane 'til then.
Still single. Andy was a jackass, I still can't stand him. I guess he never did anything wrong really, he just annoys me a lot. So, we went out like three days after semi-formal, and then I said that being just friends was a lot better. He keeps telling me he loves me 'n crap, but for some reason it just pisses me off more. Who in the hell could love me? Ugh.
I've probably gained weight too. I've been eating out of stress a lot lately. I just finished driver's ed. like a week ago, so that was stressful. Thankfully it's over. Longest thirty hours of my life.
Hm... okay, my rant's over. I just feel like s**t.
 [.+The Secrets+.] · Sun Feb 12, 2006 @ 07:55pm · 1 Comments |
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![[.+The Secrets+.]](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/7c/a1/1aabba2610a17c.png?t=1141952582_3.00_00 "[.+The Secrets+.]")
