I don't know why I'm complaining. I've got at least three guys who I know like me. But it's so darn confusing. Two days ago, I was so sure I didn't want a boyfriend. That I didn't have time for one. And now I've got Matt, Allen, and well.. Haight's a lost cause because I know we have two incredibly different views about sex before marriage and therefore I could never date him. Also, he's a democrat! What would my grandmother say? Haha, I kid.
Matt is a perv and Allen's a sophomore. Allen basically did everything correctly-- he was a perfect gentleman-- he's the kind of guy who (AFTER I BROKE UP WITH HIM) saw me coming towards the door to A building in the morning with my guidon and held the door open for me for like a whole minute. It was really kind of sweet that he would wait that long for me, even after I crushed his heart like a bug. He's a good, Christian guy, who is kind, tries to do all the right things, and yet... I can't like him. He called me to talk all the time, we'd have lengthy phone conversations, but even though he's definitely a great guy, I don't like him like that. I don't know why-- my head tells my heart I'm stupid but my heart disagrees.
And then there's Matt. Oh boy. With Matt, it was so awesome, because I could get a hug, and a guy to lean on, and it didn't mean anything. It was just how our friendship was. That's how our relationship was last year when I was dating someone, and this year when I was sorta dating someone, but now that I'm single, and I've agreed to go to prom with him, we've been seeking each other out every morning, and now I feel like maybe it's not just friends and friends anymore. Maybe it's something more, and maybe I don't want that.
And maybe the guy I want is someone like... well... this guy I know I could never have. Why is it that most guys get intimidated by older girls? Why is it that high school can't be like the movies? Why can't there be an Austin Ames for everyone, not just Hilary Duff? (Yes, I've been watching A Cinderella Story again, how could you tell?)
Why do all Juniors have to dweebs? Why do I have to be a loner? Why do I have to stick with writing other people's love stories or settle for something I'm not completely happy with?
The Retanator · Sat Mar 28, 2009 @ 07:40am · 0 Comments |