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So....That last journal entry was kinda....intense for me...I am glad to say that i closed that chapter and have OFFICIALLY MOVED ON and i am NOT turning back. I cant. I have the love of a TRULY PERFECT GUY. i still look at him sometimes and wonder is he too good to be true(but don't tell him that).

My life has so taken a turn for the better! WHOOO HOOO!!!! I am ENGAGED! and HAPPY! AND I CANNOT WAIT to spend the rest of my life learning what makes Ron tick.

He is...amazing doesn't even begin to describe it. Can you imagine looking a something SO beautiful and having to turn away because it scares you? That beautiful person looking back at you has to power to crush with a few simple words. HE has the power to DESTROY me. To tear me down and have me never get up. Never want to get up. I'm afraid because I did it. I put my hand in the fire. and i was burned. Nothing major, just a few heat blisters, but I now my whole body is in the fire, spinning and turning and I am enjoying the attention the fire gives me! It feel so good! The warmth! How hot it makes me! I feel its love in the way it is licking and caressing my skin!

But this fire is still fire. While i am in its good graces now, Will I continue to stay there? This fire...all it needs is a reason. It does not have to be a logical reason. Just one saying. Just one secret whispered in its ear and my body is burned. I trust this fire with EVERYTHING I HAVE but I am forced to live with the fact that this fire does not trust me. That this fire is examining every move I make and is just looking for something to prove it right.

I love this beautiful fire. I will keep enjoying this beautiful fire. But with fire I feel as if everything i do can be interpreted as wrong... I feel as if this fire will never trust me! But its so beautiful. Its so deep inside me. It has become the heat the runs through my body. I cant give it up. I cant live without it. As pathetic as it is I am so enraptured by the beauty of this fire and how it treats me that i don't care that it doesn't trust me. I wont give it up. I love the fire SO MUCH that i don't care if it turns this body it once caressed into ash. I will risk it. I love him.

Wow....I don't know how that turned into a rant...but it is. wow...ummm so i am changing the name of my journal from "Life is a rollar coaster..." to New beginings.