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The story I'm about to tell all of you unexpecting viewers was written at 4:00 A.M. without any sleep, so that's when I'm most random, but I'm posting it anyway...

I bring to ye all a tale of horror and disappointment.
My friend and I were driving about, to and from tither and yond, when our bellies got all grumbly. So I said to her "I gots teh hungries" and she said "Yes , my belly is empty aswell" and we were sad whee
But as we drove on, our eyes were filled with hope and glee! For we saw a mom and pop gas station!! Woot! We were saved!

Upon entering we noticed an odd scent in the air... it was stale and icky and it was so heavy that I think it caused a slight humidity change.
Also, they only sold coke products, which is fine I suppose, but it limited my caffeine choice to coffee or Full Throttle.
Teh store had a nice selection of breakfast foodies laid out for us. Several samiches made from eggs,bacons, sausages, biscuits, and bagels! Our mouths watered in anticipation for what was sure to be a samich to remembre!
....and alas... it was just that...

It puzzles me as to how a breakfast delight as theoreticaly sound as bagel egg and bacon sandwhich could mayhaps be screwed up, especially when its being made under the watchful gaze of Bubba teh Redneck, whom no doubt has culinary skill greater than any redneck EVER.
But much to my sadness, I dare say that was the most flawed sandwhich I have ever had the displeasure of eating...

Let us break down this hellish sandwhich, first, teh bagel.
Now, at first glance it seemed like a perfectly edible bagel. Sure the hole diamater was somwhat off but otherwise it would have been perfectly yummy...
If you don't factor in the taste that is...
Upon my first bite, I noticed an odd crunch. Not the crunch of crispy yummy delicous bacon mind you, but rather the crunch of overlystale ick bagel.
Now I can handly stale bread, but this was somthing far beyond the realm of stealm, and for somereason it was only the top part that had this ickyness.
It was obvious the top section was a component in a previous food but had been discarded... or mayhaps ketchup and mayo are common in breakfast foods among rednecks, I don't know.

Let us move on to the bacon.
In short, it was obviously flayed from the most obese pig farm johnson had ever slaughtered. Poor bacon alone is somthing that can ruin a breakfast experience...when joined with poor bread, it simply stole my will to live.

Egg!!!
Cold and crispy yet still somwhat runny. I'm not to fond of scrambled eggs anyways.

Gah, I cant go on about the cheese, as my mind won't allow me to recall.
Also, Im already buzzed on caffeine, my fingers are strayin too far from the keys.
Away for now, I'm gonna go... somewhere else >_>