I'm so sick of everything. You know how you always feel like you should belong somewhere..that one day you will just wake up and find a place where you belong? That's not the case...and even though I never found my 'place' I thought I had some decent friends who would stand by me and not push me out of the picture for someone else. But I guess I was wrong. Not that anyone cares right? Everyone is so great at everything they do, who cares about the people they push around? Who cares about the people whom are there for them and don't go behind their backs right? God! I guess I just really needed to vent on everything although I doubt anyone on here will read it. Which to contradict myself is probably a good thing. When you look at everything and analyze it down to such a degree that it hurts to think about it's pretty bad. If you know me in real life on this you know that I sometimes over react, that I let my emotions take over what I say, how I act. And that might be a bad thing most of the time but I don't think all of the time because sometimes it's got to be said. Now I know I'm skipping around a lot and if your reading this you might want to know why I'm so pissed off and hurt at the moment. Well..here's the deal. I try many different things. I've done volleyball, basketball, softball, figure skating, theatre, I play the clarinet but it doesn't really matter because when I look at those things I see how really insignificant I am. I'm not even close to the best clarinetist, in fact I don't even compare in contrast to the other ones, and yet I'm joining marching band. (Yay marching band) And then there were all the sports I was in, ya know it might kill you inside too if your parents tell you, that you suck. Or lets go onto theatre. I'm not a great actress, in fact this two years ago I was a cloud...a cloud. Do you realize how insignificant that is? This year my role was slightly better and even though I love theatre I can't get it out of my head that I'm terrible, not that i'm great or anything! No not by a long shot. But the fact that I can tell when people are looking down on me, when I know they're thinking...'Hmph! Why is she even here? She has no place in this program. I still go. I still stick with it and the question I'm asking myself now is, why? Why why why why?! And now onto other matters. I'm being ditched by some of my closest friends for boys, now I know what your thinking. You shouldn't feel bad about that! No! I'm sure she still cares about you as much as she used to. She's not ditching you, she's just...busy. But no that's not the case. You see friends, she spends almost all of her time with him. And wait. That's not what makes me mad, it's that she doesn't go. "I'm gonna go hang out with blah blah blah. No it's *Stupid break off sentence* *disappear* And that's fine. I guess...but I dont' get calls. I know she lies to me now..and I dunno I see the same things happening when I lost another of my close friends and that scares me. I should probably let this die..maybe I'll go and read...or maybe I'll just crawl in a hole and hope another ice age comes...whichever I decide I'm leaving..bye everyone! Sorry if you actually read this whole thing..I'm not normally this negative..my emotions have just really really been building up. So I apologize again and hope you meet me on a better note.
