Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I am my greatest enemy no doubt about it.
I think too little of myself my momma complains about how hard I treat myself and she's right no matter what I say
I will always think too poorly of myself
Why?
I don't know. I know I'm not that ugly and that I'm not so stupid but its not enough. At the end of the day I still hate myself. I want to know why I can never be happy and thats about everything. I have the greatest man as my lover and can't even please him. I always fear he'll leave me but I know he isn't that type of person to fall in love with anyone else or cheat on me. His love is so pure I'm so lucky. However my lack of emotions create a barrier and returning that love seems impossible. I hope my hardness upon myself won't harm my relationship with him. I'd fix myself if I knew the cause I'm trying to be better on myself I really am. I think if I trusted myself a little more I could unlease my true feelings for him. I'm trying to get helps thats why I've starting writing journals. The journals are helping me. I hope these journals keep helping I want to be "normal" So I can share my life with the people I love and enjoy it. I know I'm random and corny but you read this entry didn't you