I've been going over the past a bit this morning. I suppose some people have this philosophy of "it's in the past, don't worry". I guess from my perspective what their missing is "Those who do not know history, are doomed to repeat it". This goes extra for individuals.
It started with this whole situation with Christiana; I thought about what I could have done better....and then I thought about how stupid it was to even think I could have changed anything. They only thing I should have done was not project my own anima and Emotional baggage on someone. I knew here deeply yes, but the larger portion of what I knew in relation to her...was just a Penumbra of myself.
I traveled deeper. Slipping through time as easy as recalling yesterday. I examined every person who injured, and more so I looked at how I dealt with these perceived injuries. The experience greatly irritated me, as truth often does.
I wasn't always unjustified....I was though, always in the wrong. I see now that every person I spit on, I abused with the power of my word.....they didn't deserve that malice.
What an angry little man I was; and it all stems from some deep-seated emotional fissure in my core being. I'll have to dive deeper to find that; but i'm keenly aware that it is related to the issue of Trust.
Makes me wonder....what will I say of myself When I look back Twenty years from now. What will I think of who I am? I know i'm more mature now then i've ever been, and I know i'm still barely breaking the line of "Mature" in the first place. I've got a lot of growing up to do.
Just goes to show you.....You never get back lost time, but that's cause you never really lose it. All the problems of years gone past that you ignored, they just wait....they know you'll be back.
Thanks for reading my friends. I'd love your input. The more input I get, the more output I get in the direction of growth razz
 Ethermus Prime · Sun Dec 09, 2007 @ 06:44pm · 1 Comments |
