Warily, I Watch [poem - please review]

[Glympse of Fate]

This poem has no title. I would love comments and critiques. Please don't hesitate or feel shy to post your thoughts!


Warily, I watch
the spectral spirit
– not of heavenly spectrum –
grind in grains of falsehoods and lies
into our wounds – bloodstreams – hearts
‘till we – unknowingly – live lies.
To phantoms – we gain close proximity.
Heaven and us – far apart  

[FlyfreeIzzie]

I like it but I dont get it.. too abstract for me I guess.. I think i feel I need more context... but of coursr art is in the eye of the beholder...

I like its uniqueness but beyond that, im lost  

[Silent Pain Hidden Tears]

It is pretty unique and abstract but I have noticed that in many cases, the abstract poems can usually outdo the other poems in effect. I like yours I must say, keep at it with practice and I'm guessing I will be seeing one of your poems in a book one day wink  

[oldtillyshifted]

I had a hard time reading it, it didn't flow very well or something.  

[Soul of Deflection]

It has a content sense of spiritual feeling. It got kinda choppy when I got to the fifth verse.  

[asgre chan caddug]

It was a little choppy but it had nice imagery and a nice feeling.
Great job!  

[Lyeah2004]

This is a good poem i mean don't get me wrong. But you need a central message in the poem. Poems are used for showing your emotion through a central message. What you need is to sit back and rethink your poem. It's a good poem just a little abstract. And also try to think of a title for the poem because sometimes even the title can help the poem.