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Posted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 2:24 am
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Posted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 12:54 pm
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Posted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 4:42 pm
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 1:11 am
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 8:30 am
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 2:02 am
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 2:10 am
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 3:39 pm
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Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 5:59 am
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Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 7:47 am
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 7:00 am
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 2:43 pm
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 6:28 pm
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 7:28 pm
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biggrin Um. I don't know. There was a cool sword class at my dojo tonight.
sad ******** menstruation.
:X I've been generally feeling terrible for the past few days.
scream I have gotten so little writing done this summer. And I feel like it's over. And I feel like I should have worked harder all my life and been a ******** doctor or something. And I feel like the rest of my brother's life is just going to be a miserable shithole, and that isn't ******** fair and it will never be fair, and yes, life isn't fair, but why the ******** does it have to be unfair to him? Because even though he's 18 he's just a little ******** kid, he has the mental capacity of a 9 year old and soon he's going to be all alone and it isn't god damn fair. He's going to be a nine year old for the rest of his life and then he's going to ******** die, a nine year old boy trapped in this tiny body with a beard and crow's feet around his eyes, and he's going to ******** die, probably before he's thirty. And there isn't a single thing to be done about it. He's not going to suddenly grow up and get a job and find a girl and settle down and have kids. He's going to live in my parents' house and then he's going to die. And there's nothing to be done about it. And I could have been a doctor or a lwayer or a politician or a mother ******** astronaut if I wanted to, there isn't a single ******** thing in the entire universe that I couldn't do, because I'm ******** smart and I'm healthy, and I just didn't.
And there isn't any god or any justice in the world, or anything good that's going to come out of it. It's all just bullshit. Everything is ******** bullshit and I can't even ******** take it. I can't even listen to him talk because of the way he sounds. He's alive in that way that nine-year-olds are and he's going to be dead some day, and there just isn't anything out there for him. It's all just nothing, and some day he's going to know that and I think that's going to ******** kill him. It's like maybe, you know, that's why the kids with his syndrome die so young. I know it's idiotic. But I just feel like one day they wake up and they're like, "Holy s**t, there's nothing for me. I'm never going to reach the top shelf. I can never move out of my parents' house. I'll never get married or have kids or maybe get a job," and then they just lie down and ******** die. I know that's stupid, but I just feel like that. Jesus Christ.
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 7:33 pm
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