[RP Raffle] Dance the Spiral Dance - Winner rolled!

[Tara de Draiocht]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: Tara de Draiocht
Who are you entering with? Cathleen Baker
Link to the RP you're using: n/a
Prompt response:
What a loaded question... I find myself needing a moment before answering. Hmm, I shall endeavor to answer what is required of me. There are multiple rituals I do to maintain happiness and a sense of balance within my life. Apart of that daily ritual, if that is what you should call it, being that I have to surround myself in family. I try to incorporate them into my life as much as possible. Life is too short to not take as much as you can while you can. Another ritual I do is sing, I adore singing. I do so to boost my spirits. Especially when I have to do some activities that are unpleasant... it makes the time go by faster. This leads me to gardening. Most that I have run into find the prospect of gardening a messy and unpleasant task. But I find gardening is another activity that centers me and boosts my spirits. Flowers are a representation of beauty and growth. If nurtured correctly they blossom and if left untouched they rot. The sounds and smells of nature always bring me back to a time of much joy when I was a foal. I hope to pass this passion of mine to future generations in our Baker family. Lastly, upon the beginning of every month I vocalize a saying in order to bring luck for the month. "White rabbit, white rabbit, white rabbit". This little ritual was told to me by my mother and her mother before and so on. I hope one day this custom will bring luck upon those family members who are trying for little ones of their own.
 

[Jackariah Beckett]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: Jackariah Beckett
Who are you entering with? Darwin
Link to the RP you're using: None
Prompt response: One of Darwin's farehead fingers twitched as a fly landed gently on it then flew away. There was no use opening one of his sightless eyes to gaze at it, so instead, one of the eyes on his tail lazily opened as it swirled by on a little breeze. The sun was so warm today. A spring day that almost belonged in the Summer, had it not been for the gentle breeze.

Darwin lazed around for a few more minutes. The Inn keeper had given him the day off and now that he had one, he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. He had recently finished the three sided barn and because of all his hard work, was relieved of any other cleaning duties for the day. Darwin sighed, if only Txiki had also been given the day off. Then he could spend it gleefully laughing with her in the meadow. Darwin's cheeks warmed and turned pink as he envisioned her hair softly lifting and twirling as a breeze played with it.

He quickly shook the image out of his head and attributed the dizzying warmth of his muzzle to the open sun. "Maybe there is something I can find to do in the forest" he mumbled to himself. His hoof lifted slowly at first, lifting the next after as he shook his resting body back into shape. If he could find something to do, maybe find some new flowers to give to Txiki, then his mind wouldn't be so idle and wicked as to give him hopes.

The path that wound into the forest was now very familiar to him. He had journeyed down it often in the few months he had been there. Always taking the same route to the gentle stream they collected water from. Now, on a day with no other responsibilities, he could have the time to explore. He passed the first few paths to branch off. They were still too close to the Inn. He wanted to go deeper and see if he could explore.

His mind drifted slowly as his hooves carried him on. He soon found a path he could take and swerved to join it. It was pretty, this new path of his. Still no new flowers yet, but he was hopeful. Birds chirped in the trees, two by two. A rabbit couple hopped across the path up ahead, on their own adventure he was sure. He watched as they stopped to nuzzle each other, then run as they spotted him.

A crease started to form on Darwin's forehead. His mind snapped back from his drifting as his ear twitched and realized what his sighted eyes had been seeing. He had to remind himself, it was SPRING! Of course there would be animal couples this time of year.

"Couples" he breathed to himself. Contemplating all that entailed with the term. And, with whom it was his minds eye zeroed in on. It was Txiki. It had been Txiki since the day he had seen her in her little cup garden. He had found the garden and had ventured in to view all the sleeping flowers. Because of this, he had almost stepped on her house. He couldn't help but to quark a smile as he remembered the fiery temper as she zoomed over and gave him a tongue lashing.

Though his smile faded slowly as he wondered when he would convey his true feelings to her. He knew her situation, but was it really enough for him to stay like they are right now? Was it enough to only have her gently nuzzling him in his dreams? To watch over the foals they could have, if only she knew how to become full sized again. Then, if then, he could confidently tell her how he felt. Even if it was to be turned down, at least he knew it wouldn't be because there were any limitations between them.

He frowned as he continued to think. Maybe he should leave, and find a full sized flutter who could convince her that she was capable of being Darwin's size. Personal growth could only happen if one moved forward to it, after all. He looked down to the hooves that had stopped moving in his deep thought. He forced them to move now. No longer on a journey to find flowers.

He would go to the Inn keeper and explain to her that he needed to leave. After all she had done for him, he could not just abandon her without an explanation. He hoped she would understand, but even if she did not, he needed to go on this journey. To grow into a stallion worthy of bringing himself into Txiki's heart.



Sorry, I might have gone a little overboard with my One-Shot >3>;;;.  

[Thalea]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: Thalea
Who are you entering with? Inanna
Link to the RP you're using: N/A
Prompt response:

Silver stands of hair danced in a soft breeze, golden eyes that used to be filled with vivacious energy now appeared forlorn. The eyes belonged to a mare who before the incident a few months past had been filled with life and love, but an angry jealous heart changed the course of her life forever. “I used to be happy all the time, and now there are times when I see the joy in life, mostly thanks to my love who saved me, but other times the world seems bleak. My own sister tried to kill me; she buried me alive beneath my favorite tree. There I would still be if it were not for my guard and love, who saved me from the fate of death.” Memories of the dark suffocating abyss fill her head for a moment. Death was soon upon her, but then a light cast away the darkness and the one who guarded her since she was little brought her back to the light, forever becoming her savior and protector.

Inanna gave a long sigh and gazed up at the star filled sky, thinking back on all the memories she had with her sister and brother. They were a happy family, or so Inanna had believed, yes, there were fights, but what family did not have spats here and there? Nothing in those memories gave warning to what Ereshkigal would do. Inanna paused, perhaps there was something that had brought upon this terrible tragedy. Ereshkigal had loved a stallion once and it was under Inanna’s command when he was killed. Ereshkigal had blamed Inanna for his death ever since. Inanna felt terrible for her sister and tried to help, but no words could sooth the broken heart. She had thought time would heal the ache, but it turns out she was wrong. “If I was not blinded by my role as a warrior and my thirst for frivolous ‘necessities’ of life, perhaps I would have noticed how the darkness had begun to take over her life.

“I am a terrible sister. I am not saying I deserved what I got; no one deserves to be murdered or almost murdered by a family member. But now I am aware of my sister’s suffering and only desire to help her be free from the darkness. That is my one true wish, to free my sister from this dark fate she set upon herself. I want to be able to help her, to save her from the monster she is slowly becoming.” The mare with a tree took a deep breath, her voice strong in her conviction to save her sister, “I am not sure how I will accomplish this or if I will even succeed, but there is one thing I know, I must try.” Plans of attack formed in her head, she could do this, and she could take back her sister from the darkness. She could not bring back the stallion her sister lost, but she could help heal the broken heart she inadvertently caused. With one last look up at the stars and her wish hanging in the crisp night air, Inanna returned to her small army and the one who gave her a second chance at life.
 

[~Twilight...Angel~]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: ~Twilight...Angel~
Who are you entering with? Kadentsu
Link to the RP you're using: N/A
Prompt response: Kadentsu had always considered it. Always wanted it. It's just... hard to obtain. After all, baskets don't just fall out of tree or something. And plus, then who would have made the baskets? That is just a handful of problems waiting in that alone. She wanted more though. And badly.
Perhaps this was a problem for when the star comes around again? Or perhaps she would have to find someone to just help her out with it. After all, her first mate was a one night stand. Why not find another? Though how did one even go about doing that? How did one find a forever mate? Maybe she would have to work on that second part a bit more. There was someone she has once. That was a long time ago now. Though thoughts of it do make her feel rather wistful. It was even before her precious first baskets that she met this long since left mate. She would have to try again. One can't just be lonely forever. Or at least she doesn't think so.
Kadentsu's son, Makoto had a mate now. He was the only child who had really stayed in contact with her, so he was the only one she actually knew about. His mate seemed a rather nice sort. Maybe she could find herself a good mate like that. And the two seemed rather good with each other too. They would make very beautiful babies. When they get around to it.
That's another thing she would love to have, grandchildren. Little babies that aren't hers, but she can spoil them anyway. That would certainly be... grand, to say the least. The feeling of expanding ones family. Spreading about. That would be rather nice. Her family needs to be bigger. Or at least in her mind. Not even her brothers have children that she knows of. At least she has been able to make her mothers grandmothers.
Kadenstu sighed thoughtfully, now back to the matter at hand. She needed herself some more children. Well, needed in the sense that her maternal side rather demanded it at this point. What kind of a stallion would work? Even then, what if she found a mare who worked better? Either would really be fine with her. She would just have to figure out... how... to find them. She sighed a bit more. Maybe she would just go out and wander a bit. Perhaps she could find herself a wonderful knight in shining armor. She was a Princess of sorts after all. Princess' usually need Knights. Or that's usually the way the story went. Maybe she could find a mare she could be a Knight for, much like her own mothers story. Well, both of them. Her father was never really the Knight type it seemed. "Huh... How did mother and father even meet?" She stood wide eyed for a moment. How had she never even thought on that before? How had she really never heard how it happened? Maybe she would just have to go and ask her mother for some advice...
 

[~Twilight...Angel~]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: ~Twilight...Angel~
Who are you entering with? Astúcia Protecció
Link to the RP you're using: N/A
Prompt response: Astúcia was never really sure about the children thing. It's something he had always had in his thoughts though. Since he was little, in fact. The way his parents got along wonderfully. Then having himself and his siblings together. Of course his sister had been a let down to the family, but his brother wasn't too bad at all. He often actually wondered how disappointed his parents actually were in his sister. If they still were. And where were they? Though, he guessed, where they were was kind of a mute point when it came to if they were disappointment or not. That was something he had never really been afraid of doing though. Though now he did wonder if he was a disappointment to them. He wasn't sure how he would have been, but perhaps?
He sighed heavily, "That has nothing to do with me now. Not until I find them. Not until I find all of them." He sighed a bit more. Slowly thoughts came back to him about having his own children. Children were certainly a surprise for him. It had been strange staying with their mother in her woods while their children grew. But, it had been an adventure as well. He enjoyed every moment of having their own small family all together. Though they have gone their own way since, his son was still with him. And, he assumed, his daughter was with their mother in the forest still. She had seemed to want to stay with her after all. He wondered to himself a bit if he would know if his daughter had babies. Would she tell him? Would their mother tell him?
Astúcia shook his head to clear it. Maybe he should stop thinking about his kids having kids. As it was his son already had a lifemate. Maybe he would be a grandfather soon. That was a strange thought.
He should have more of his own kids before that happens. "Yeah... More children would be fun..."
 

[~Twilight...Angel~]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: ~Twilight...Angel~
Who are you entering with? Makoto
Link to the RP you're using: N/A
Prompt response: Makoto has always wanted children. Children made the world go round. Children were a way to live on through the ages. It was really an interesting concept when someone thought of it that way. He wanted to make his own legacy and his mates live on. Plus he wanted to see what kind of babies would come from him and his mate. What would they look like? It would be an interesting mix in his mind for sure. He will find out one day. Hopefully soon. He sighed wistfully as he thought on it. "It will be wonderful."
 

[~Twilight...Angel~]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: ~Twilight...Angel~
Who are you entering with? Katida Purrrr
Link to the RP you're using: N/A
Prompt response: Katida had always wanted kids. Then her first children came along. They were certainly fun to have around! Like built in playmates! It was really all too exciting. She needed some more! She even had the chance to take care of some mini baskets that she found. She raised those kittens like they were her own.
Now she wanted more of her own. More kittens would be wonderful. More to play with and teach the cat ways. She had decided not too long ago to herself that she needed to find a cat mate. That would probably be the best in order for her to continue to have kittens. Though if they were nice... she might make an exception for someone who wasn't a cat. It's just highly preferred that they understand her lifestyle beforehand.
Katida sighed rather longingly, "I'm sure I'll have more baskets soon enough. I just need to take my time and find the perfect ones."
 

[DarkenWoodWolf]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: DarkenWoodWolf
Who are you entering with? Vasire
Link to the RP you're using: NA
Prompt response: There was little that Vas enjoyed more than standing knee deep in cool swirling water, the sun hot on his back. The company of a certain princess of a certain herd might be one of those things. Hell, was pretty much the only thing he could thing of at any given time. His thoughts were full of sky colored hide, glowing eyes and markings, and the scent of a summer storm on the wind. It was true that he hadn't been around this lovely lady all that much, but he couldn't get his mind off her.
Not even if there were persons who would rather that happen. Vas wasn't one for doing anything just because someone told him too. It was much more likely that he would do the opposite, just to be contrary, unless he knows that the person giving him an order wants him to do the opposite of what they say, then he will just most likely do something way off the reservation, just to keep things interesting. And boy, did he love to keep things interesting.
But there was one thing that provided him with clarity, more so than anything else. And that was what he was doing right now, trying to think about what his next move should be. And somewhere between the cool water and the warm sun, he hoped he would find it.
Vas wanted to make a move, some move, toward a future with this certain lady, something more than what they were. Things had started out well, a jealous tiff turned into a protective act. Friends from the start. Possibly from forever, but he really didn't know much about that. Whispers of things half remembered, like a dream.
Not that any of that mattered to him now, in the present, he just was trying to figure out what his next move should be.
He'd never really pursued someone like this before, not with an intention of forever. Vas didn't even know he had it in him to want forever, but this little storm singer of his, if she could be called his, got inside his head, made him want to walk beside her for the rest of their lives.
It was an odd feeling, not one he was familiar with, but one that he wanted to follow, to figure out, nonetheless. Vas just didn't know how. It never had a family, not like she did, and bowing under any authority makes his skin crawl, but for her? He would most definitely try. So that left him with a few choices. The first would make the most sense, speaking directly with his little storm singer. But, he was hesitant to make that move if it would put her at odd with her family. So, the choice he obviously was going to go with was to talk to her father.
Nothing like asking permission, because no. He didn't need permission to love her. But he did need permission to join the herd, and seeing if he was welcome, well, that was something else. Still, how to get the stallion alone and express that he was only trying to see if they would welcome him rather than make it seem like he was asking for permission. Thoughts. There had to be someway, he knew. Blowing out a sigh, he stepped out of the cool water, shaking off his paws. No time like the present after all.
 

[xo maho]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: Mahogany Sunset
Who are you entering with? Salvator Nyárë
Link to the RP you're using: n/a
Prompt response: Each day began with a routine. Some might even call it a ritual, but for Salvator, it was simply his usual way of doing things. Each part of his morning bore special significance to the young stallion, despite the simple nature of each step. First, he rose and stretched from his nest in the safe zone, for he had not been claimed by a Flock sister yet. He stretched toward the sun, and then toward the earth, giving thanks to each in turn. Lastly, he nodded deeply to his queen, who watched over them ever so carefully.

Once his stretches had been done, he pulled his blanket from his nest. He did not sleep on it; it was just that he kept it there, folded neatly in the corner. Holding it by one edge, he shook it out, its bright colors glowing in the sun. Once it had unfurled, he threw it over his back and headed over to the trading area, where he would gently spread out his blanket and wait for the listeners to come.

With luck, the stories he told would change lives for the better.
 

[Kara Asumie]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: Kara Asumie
Who are you entering with? Ren'ai Keri
Link to the RP you're using: ---
Prompt response: Ren'ai Keri prancing about as she looks to the starts above her. There are times that she prays to be able to have babies of her now or the growth to be healthy enough to carry offspring. Praying helped her find her mate who is her true love so maybe if she prays hard enough that maybe one day she will be able to have offspring with her mate. Oh how she longs to be a mother but that isn't the only thing she prays for just the one that she prays for the most. Until she gets it there is no telling when something else will change to be her top prayer for now it is motherhood. What pony doesn't wish for a family with the one they love? She thought as she smiles watching the stars in the night sky seem to turn colors as she then closes her eyes and prays again for motherhood to find her. Opening her eyes slowly she looks about and notes that with how late it is. That she should start heading back to her home. One last glance at the stars above as she whispers to them. "Oh great stars of the heavens please bless me once more."

A second prayer maybe as it sounded as she then prances off towards her home giggling as she hopes that something wondrous might have heard her pray that is just a wish in her heart. Or maybe her prayers are her dreams. But that doesn't matter because wishes, dreams, and prayers are all the same so all of them have the chance to come to light and shine with truth. That is all the Ren'ai Keri needs to know and as long as she believes that then there is nothing that can bring her down no matter if she has to wait a long time. Then she will pray and wait. But not without trying her best to make it come true. After all nothing happens without working towards it to happen. Her father tells her that all the time and she keeps that in mind. Well her adopted father seeing he is full sized and she is a mini. But as the spirits play more and more spirit breedings are real so size doesn't seem to matter much anymore. Although she is happy with her mini but great love. Giggling more to herself as she gets back to her home as she finds her mate sleeping as she slows to a walk and sneaks up to him and lays down as gently as she can so not to wake him up. Resting her head on his back as she smiles gently thinking of what may come.


WC:: 454  

[Ryuukishin]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: Ryuukishin
Who are you entering with? Mimsy Grum
Link to the RP you're using: N/A
Prompt response: An artfully tied branch here, a concealed basket there, and Mimsy had it: a trap for storks. Soon, his wish to start a family would come to pass.
 

[Kara Asumie]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: Kara Asumie
Who are you entering with? Vidia
Link to the RP you're using: ---
Prompt response: Vidia laying on the edge of a lake sighing as she wonders just what to do with herself. It was getting late and the moon was glowing off of the lake's surface which was so enchanting to her. Sighing a bit more as she whispers to herself. "I wish I may, I wish I might get the wish I wish tonight. I wish for love to find it's way into my brother's heart. I wish that I can grow strong enough to let him go once it finds him. I know I am overprotective but he is my only brother." Sighing again as she knows that as a pony she needs to grow more. Not only stronger but wiser as well. Maybe if she also finds love then she would grow more the way she wants but she doesn't want to change for love. But change for herself to better herself for no one else but her own heart. Closing her eyes as she listens to the fish in the lake and the sounds of the trees and water moving with the small breeze blowing through. Relaxing a bit as she slowly opens her eyes once again as she smiles trying to think of something fun.

"Oh finding love for my brother to help him outta his shell. I wish I can be strong enough to allow another to get so close to him without my overprotective getting in the way. How can I learn to grown more so that I don't become a bother to my brother and stay as his loving older sister and not someone who is so over bearing that another comes to dislike them. Oh that would be sad if he started to dislike me." Sighing as she tried so hard to think of ways to grow as a pony into the pony that she wishes to be. Which is a beloved mare who is kind and gently but strong all at once. Oh and to be a great gardener then her Grandpa and his sister. Oh that would be wonderful maybe she should look for a flutter for herself or brother so that the gardening won't be lost. After all flutters are best at gardening in her mind. Maybe that needs some growth as well. Her way of thinking needs to grow so that she can be wise and learn as much as she can. "Oh to the heavens can give me a sigh to what I should do to start growing as a pony so that I can become some pony to be proud of. Some pony wise and loving." Sighing again as she wonders where she should start and what she should do in order to begin her growth maybe she should go soul searching.


WC:: 463
You can count me for just one ticket total please and thank you seeing I am just using this to get some ponies stats lol  

[Kara Asumie]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: Kara Asumie
Who are you entering with? Silver Mist
Link to the RP you're using: ---
Prompt response: Silver Mist is out and about as she is enjoying herself as she then starts to think about the family get together they had not long ago. Her sister Irridessa had kids of her own. But know that is making her want some of her own. Was there a dance or something that she isn't doing with her current fling that could better the chances at fertility. Sighing as she prances about thinking of ways that might help. Wishing on stars seemed silly to her but she was going to try. After all there has to be something that she hasn't done that will tip the odds in her favor. So if wishing on stars is something like that she will try it. So looking up as the stars are just starting to show up in the day sky turning to night slowly. She sees spots a bright one and comes to a stop as she bows her head. "Oh mighty star in the heavens please give me a sign of something that I can do in which will help my fertility. Be it food to eat or to avoid. Or something like a dance or some type of ritual. Anything to help would be loved."

Opening her eyes after praying to the brightest star in the sky Silver Mist shakes her head. There is no way that a star has such power. Sighing more as she lefts her head up from the bow as she looks about. "Maybe this might have some power. I just need to believe. That is right just believe. But don't relay on just believing do something about it and work hard for your dreams. Oh my I am quoting my father now. There is something wrong with me." Shaking her head once more as she starts to head back to where she is staying with her current fling. There is nothing more that she can do tonight so she might as well head back and get some sleep. Then maybe she should talk to her fling about it and tell him her wants to see if he can help or knows of more ways that can help them out with this. He already knows her want of kids but maybe if she tells him that there is more to it then that then he can get a better feel of how they can both work on the fertility thing. Back to prancing as she heads back to her current home as she hums a song on her way in the silence of the night that is falling upon the land. Giggling a bit as she can't believe she just wished on a star that was something she could see Vidia or Irridessa doing but never herself. She will have to tell them that she did.


WC:: 471  

[dawns_aura]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: dawns_aura
Who are you entering with? Jaehaerys
Link to the RP you're using: n/a
Prompt response:
I was a gift from the stars. At least, that was what momma always said. And while she is prone to flights of fancy, I never doubted this. I can't remember a foalhood, happy, indifferent or otherwise. One moment there was nothing, and the next … I simply was. And I was with my family. With Momma and Dad, and I was happy. I am happy. I am loved. A gift from the stars, to two souls who wanted me more than almost anything.

My sisters are the same as me. Gifts from the stars. I know momma and dad both want a large family. Momma because that is what she had growing up, a large close-knit, and she wants me and my sisters to experience the same kinds of bonds as she had. Dad, because his life growing up was almost the complete opposite. He had his twin and that was all. So momma and dad try to have a family in the normal way – no matter how traumatic it is for me to think, and I try not to very often - but so far, in that they have been unlucky. But with the stars, they have been blessed. Myself, Laena, Viserra, 'Ella and Rhaenys. We are their children, and we come from the stars.

When momma first heard about it – the wishing star – a star that can grant the fondest wishes of ones heart – from children, to friends, to family thought long lost. She knew that this was one way she could get the family she so longed for. Dad, being dad, was skeptical. But he loves momma so much, believes in her even when he can't have faith in anything else, he decided it couldn't hurt to try.

So I know there are some rituals and superstitions that have grains of truth to them, and some that might even work for whatever one wishes for. They work for those who have faith. In this case, I am more my father's son than my momma's. I am more down-to-earth, rational. I believe in things that can be seen, and felt, touched and smelt. Things I can find real. Those can be had and appreciated, or protected from. I am an elder brother, and I must be strong for my family. For my little sisters, for Laena, 'Serra, 'Ella, and 'Enys.

So perhaps I don't have faith. Perhaps I should say I don't have any reason to need faith. I may not have a partner with which to share my life and no desire for a family of my own just yet. And I am happy as I am. I need no superstitions or rituals in my life.

I should say if there are any superstitions or rituals I need in my life, the faith that is necessary for those, my faith is in my momma. She is my faith, my ritual and my hope. Just as I am her eldest, her only boy. Her gift from the stars.

Word Count: 505
 

[Kaya Wolf Moon]

I wish I May, I wish I might!

Username: Kaya Wolf Moon
Who are you entering with? Hollow Tzalmon
Link to the RP you're using: N/A
Prompt response: "I don't know if there are things such as spirits or gods. I've never really sought that answer. To bow to the whims of things that can't be seen, it's just not something that I do. And why should I? If spirits and gods do exist, then what have they done for me? I was born a monster according to many I've encountered. A plague upon the world that should be purged. Hardly anybody gave me reason to live. What sort of all powerful entities create a life such as mine? Do I choose to believe that it's for their own amusement, or is it really that they don't exist?"

"No matter the answer, I can only live my life the best way I see fit. My actions and decisions are my own. I know full well that there are those out there who perform rituals, who pray to these ethereal beings that may or may not exist. Good for them. That's their prerogative, but it's not mine. I'll don't need to do any of that to find my way in this world. I've done well enough on my own, and with the help of those few whom have accepted me. So there is no wishing upon a star for me. Even if I did, I doubt it would be answered. However, if I COULD have a wish, it would be to stop the looks. The sneers, the stuck-up noses, the absolute distaste that others gaze at me with. Perhaps if that wish were to come true...perhaps then I could believe in some greater benevolent power as my adoptive father does."