Poly-amorous Relationships

[Atrum_Anima]

So, I saw the show "Sister Wives", where some guy has several wives and they live together with sixteen or so kids. When the people from the show came on Oprah, my family and I saw even more of them. The responses were interesting: everyone but me automatically assumed that the guy was a douche, and that the wives had "Something wrong with them".

I talked to a close friend about our disagreement, but it turns out that she agreed with my family. She reiterated, "There does have to be something wrong with them".

Perhaps it's because I'm ignorant to the negative aspects of polygamy, but I really think that, if everything is consensual and non-abusive, than it's perfectly fine. I don't think that I would ever be in a poly-amorous relationship, but I can't possibly rule it out altogether.

What do you guys think?  

[MissDemeter]

I agree with you. There are tons of examples of awful polygamous relationships, but there are tons of good ones too. You never hear about the good ones, because its less interesting than the bad ones.

I'm fully supportive of poly-amorous relationships. In fact, I wouldn't mind being a part of one myself. (It would have to be fully reciprocated - I don't want to be part of a harem) And I don't think that there's anything wrong with me. I was never abused sexually, verbally, physically or emotionally in any way. I had a very healthy childhood, and I'm in a good place in my life.

So no, those women don't have anything "wrong" with them, they just have different views on what an ideal lifestyle is than our judging heteronormative society.  

[Shanna66]

im personally agasint it. i dont think relationships should work that way. 2 people and thats it.

i think that perfectly fine and healthy people can have relationships like that without there being something wrong with them, but that doesnt change that im still agasitn those kinds of relationships.  

[Seraph of Thursday]

Whatever. I can't love more than one person at a time, but I don't see anything wrong with polyamory. I could be with a polyamorous person - just not with his/her others, but I'd accept them nonetheless.  

[Rose Villain]

I completely agree with you.There's nothing wrong with any of them. They have a different choice and views on how they want to live life. Honestly, if it works, why not? I'm bisexual, so is my boyfriend. We've got an open relationship, and it works for us. If he has several wives, and that works, why the heck not?  

[Juxtaposedjoker]

The problem doesn't lay in the type of relationship but in the play of power. Typically, the roles are limited and the children are confined to those limitations. The religious overtones tend to drown individuality and the happiness is an illusion. They aren't coming together as lovers. The sister-wives don't love each other in that way and jealousy abounds. The single husband cannot give them the physical nor the emotional support that a partner should. Their union is more about a religious obligation to breed. My take is from the mormon example. In other parts of the world, it's about having women as a commodity and a large family to work the land. With a healthy sprinkling of religious overtones and power hungry males. With either group you get things like arranged marriages, sexual abuse and brain washing.

A truly positive polyarmorus relationship can occur but only if everyone in the relationship are equals. They may slip into roles that they feel comfortable with but they were free to choose those roles within the relationship and they were not enforced. Most importantly, everyone is romantically involved with everyone in it. Take a triad for example. Person a b and c are all intimate with each other. They don't just date as a group but nurture their relationships with each other on single dates as well.

But most of what you will find on tv are not so...nice. The people in them are there because they were forced, brainwashed, don't know any better or enjoy having/not having power and they typically aren't open minded in terms of their kids.  

[Robbie-fyed]

I don't give a ******** what straight couples do or don't do. I'm more concerned with my right to marry.  

[cvbkfgbkjmgbcj]

Juxtaposedjoker

The problem doesn't lay in the type of relationship but in the play of power. Typically, the roles are limited and the children are confined to those limitations. The religious overtones tend to drown individuality and the happiness is an illusion. They aren't coming together as lovers. The sister-wives don't love each other in that way and jealousy abounds. The single husband cannot give them the physical nor the emotional support that a partner should. Their union is more about a religious obligation to breed. My take is from the mormon example. In other parts of the world, it's about having women as a commodity and a large family to work the land. With a healthy sprinkling of religious overtones and power hungry males. With either group you get things like arranged marriages, sexual abuse and brain washing.

A truly positive polyarmorus relationship can occur but only if everyone in the relationship are equals. They may slip into roles that they feel comfortable with but they were free to choose those roles within the relationship and they were not enforced. Most importantly, everyone is romantically involved with everyone in it. Take a triad for example. Person a b and c are all intimate with each other. They don't just date as a group but nurture their relationships with each other on single dates as well.

But most of what you will find on tv are not so...nice. The people in them are there because they were forced, brainwashed, don't know any better or enjoy having/not having power and they typically aren't open minded in terms of their kids.

I agree with you completely. No way one guy can satisfy all of those ladies.  

[Taeryyn]

Although I personally couldn't be in a polyamorous relationship, I don't have a problem with them so long as all parties involved are willing and honest.

My issue with many of the religious sects who practice polygamy is that most of them are only accepting of a man having multiple female partners, and are completely against the idea of a woman having multiple male partners. (Not to mention the views on same-sex couples...)
To me, that's troubling. I am sure that many such households are happy, but those particular polygamist practices strike me as being sexist. It just seems like an unhealthy attitude toward women in general. :s  

[patanon]

Taeryyn

Although I personally couldn't be in a polyamorous relationship, I don't have a problem with them so long as all parties involved are willing and honest.

My issue with many of the religious sects who practice polygamy is that most of them are only accepting of a man having multiple female partners, and are completely against the idea of a woman having multiple male partners. (Not to mention the views on same-sex couples...)
To me, that's troubling. I am sure that many such households are happy, but those particular polygamist practices strike me as being sexist. It just seems like an unhealthy attitude toward women in general. :s

Agreed. I believe in the interview the family was asked if they would ever consider accepting another man into the relationship and the father was totally against it. I don't know if the women necessarily want another man, but it's obvious that jealousy abounds. I don't have anything against a multiple-partner relationship, so long as it's all fair.  

[Lady Neona]

The only thing I have a problem with is how many kids they have! We are over populated as it is, there is no need to have 16 kids! Its the same with that one show, 19 kids and counting...REALLY!?!?

Other then that its their life style and choice, I see no harm.  

[MissDemeter]

Lady Neona

The only thing I have a problem with is how many kids they have! We are over populated as it is, there is no need to have 16 kids! Its the same with that one show, 19 kids and counting...REALLY!?!?

Other then that its their life style and choice, I see no harm.

Agreed. People should stop reproducing at all, not make more than the national average.  

[PandaTeddy]

If everything is consensual and everyone in the relationship is equal, then I see no problem.

Personally that sort of lifestyle wouldn't work for me since I only want to be loved by one person and I want to give all my love to only one person, but those sort of relationships work just fine for others.

Three of my friends are all dating each other and the three of them are completely happy with their relationship and they all love each other equally.
It started off where two of them were dating (and had been for quite a long time, over 3 years to be more exact) when they met someone that they both really like and she really likes the two of them so it works for them.
 

[Kamorynth]

Chakatai Khan

Whatever. I can't love more than one person at a time, but I don't see anything wrong with polyamory. I could be with a polyamorous person - just not with his/her others, but I'd accept them nonetheless.

Same, exactly. I see nothing wrong with it, but I couldn't do it. I know that if I were ever with a bisexual guy, I wouldn't hate him for sleeping with women now and again, as long as he came home to me. Some times you have different needs that are best met by different individuals. I'm good with just one though lol.  

[Ayame_Rikimayu]

MissDemeter

Lady Neona

The only thing I have a problem with is how many kids they have! We are over populated as it is, there is no need to have 16 kids! Its the same with that one show, 19 kids and counting...REALLY!?!?

Other then that its their life style and choice, I see no harm.

Agreed. People should stop reproducing at all, not make more than the national average.

The more babies these groups pop out, the more negative attention they get. If I was a in a polygamous situation, I would be prone to having LESS children. I already have enough problems dealing with my sister's baby, and I don't see the appeal in having to deal with a sister-wife's child, either.
Not to mention that you get flamed by the media because so many children are involved. The solution? Stop reproducin'.