Broken Promises

[Brass Bell Doll]

When I give my word, it means a lot to me. I also hold the word of others in high regard.

I find myself having given my word to someone who has not kept their word to me, and this has left me considering some things:

Do two wrongs make a right? Am I any less obliged to maintain my word if they do not keep theirs?

What remedies are there for a situation like that, spiritually speaking?

While I am sure that I will find my own answers to these things, it may be worth the discussion for others to muse on this as well.  

[rmcdra]

There's two remedies that I am aware of when I'm in this situation.
Option 1. If they broke their word, then they have made the agreement null by not fulfilling their end.

Option 2. Hold your end of your agreement though they broke theirs until the pact comes to it's end. After that don't make anymore agreements with them until you are sure they will actually honor their agreements.

I lean toward option 2 myself though unfortunately I fall on option 1. I say unfortunately since I don't really agree with "two wrongs, making a right". Though I doubt that I'd be the best help in this area since I tend to not be the best in interpersonal interactions.  

[too2sweet]

I'd have to agree with Robbie on this one.

If your part of the agreement is something that you can follow through on without putting yourself out too much, then it might be worth seeing it the end - just to get it all done with. Otherwise, if they aren't keeping their word, I would consider the agreement null and void, or at the very least let them know that you will be more than happy to uphold your side whenever they decide to uphold theirs.

Quote:

Am I any less obliged to maintain my word if they do not keep theirs?

I think the question is... would you have made the agreement in the first place, if the other party hadn't agreed to their part?

If it's something that you would have done anyways - irregardless of the otherside's actions, then you should probably keep to your word. If you wouldn't have done it, then you should not be obligated to keep to it, if they have not.

Quote:

What remedies are there for a situation like that, spiritually speaking?

Maybe some sort of cleansing ritual, or a ritual to dissolve agreements. Probably would depend on the exact circumstances and type of agreement.

Depending as well on exactly what one's spiritual practices are, maybe even simple prayer (or other type of communication with one's deities).  

[Ultramarine Violet]

EDIT: Because when I fail, I evidently fail super-hard.

I think that what I meant to say was that in the OP's situation, I would likely tell the friend quite forcefully and in no uncertain terms that they could not expect to get something for nothing, without feeling any guilt, because giving fair value is part of the inherent understanding of most exchange agreements I make.

... I... Really don't know what happened with this post. Normally, I qualify my statements more thoroughly than that. I apologize for how it came off. I'm a little horrified, my own self. gonk  

[Gho the Girl]

Ultramarine Violet

A cat for a hat, or a hat for a cat, but nothing for nothing. b***h.

P.S. - No, you may not have my cats.

What the hell do you mean by that?  

[Fiddlers Green]

Brass Bell Doll

Do two wrongs make a right? Am I any less obliged to maintain my word if they do not keep theirs?

In my opinion, no.
It doesn't matter who my oath is to, if I break it, I'm an oathbreaker. I tend to view those with flexible integrity, who's word is worth a variable account depending on who they give it to as untrustworthy.
It is easy to be virtuous when others are being the same. Having honour, even when it may not seem practical or make you happy, that's the true test.
Now, that having been said, there is a vast difference between saying i shall do a thing, and saying I shall do a thing under certain circumstance. A broken pact is broken, and needs no further adherence.

Quote:

What remedies are there for a situation like that, spiritually speaking?

For you or for the other person?

Quote:

While I am sure that I will find my own answers to these things, it may be worth the discussion for others to muse on this as well.

This, very important. You judge your own actions internally. The rest is between you and your gods, or is just a matter of reputation.  

[CuAnnan]

I hold myself to higher standards than those to which I hold others.

My word is a thing I give. It has nothing to do with the quality of person to whom I give it. It has worth only as long as I keep it.  

[TeaDidikai]

CuAnnan

I hold myself to higher standards than those to which I hold others.

My word is a thing I give. It has nothing to do with the quality of person to whom I give it. It has worth only as long as I keep it.

Pragmatic on my end. If we're looking at a contract- when the contract ends by consent or by breech on the part of the other party, it's over either way. That's what release clauses are for.  

[Fiddlers Green]

TeaDidikai

Pragmatic on my end. If we're looking at a contract- when the contract ends by consent or by breech on the part of the other party, it's over either way. That's what release clauses are for.

Bolded for emphasis.
To me, there is a massive difference between the stating that I shall do a thing. and I shall do a thing if...
The former is unconditional, and holds the person only to themselves (or pertinent divinities), the latter is conditional, and requires participation or a series of events to make it binding.  

[CuAnnan]

Contracts are not based on one's word, though, but on the premise that the law has the authority to create binding agreements.

One's word is something they hold themselves to. If one's word is given in a conditional state or with caveats, that's a completely different kettle of fish. You are not breaking your word. The "if" part of whatever you gave your word on is violated.  

[blindfaith^_^]

I think I would need more information before giving helpful advice or thoughts.

Did you know that you were giving your word to someone who does not keep theirs and how does that actually affect what you promised to do?

If your promise was related to their broken promise contract style then there is noting wrong with refusing to do your part--or to only proceed after that other person has done their part. *Of note* there is also nothing wrong with keeping your word, especially if it's something you planned to do anyhow or something you feel is morally right. I don't think it's right to let other less honorable people's actions dictate your own if there is any reasonable way around it.

If your promise is in no way related to what their broken promise is, you should probably honor your word, especially if your word means a lot to you or if you knew the kind of person you made the promise to early on.

I promise to uphold things to people only under certain specific conditions and it has gotten me into trouble in the past. Even when you state specifications out in stone and they broke faith first, people are often shocked or angered when you don't hold up your end of a bargain. My point in mentioning this, is that sometimes one has to consider the fallout of refusing a promise both to the person it's may and to the community around the other.

If you do decide or if you have decided to break your word cleansing rituals or prayer to diety seem most appropriate. IF you keep your word but no longer want anything to do with this person then I might suggest a ritual or meditation to cut ties from them.