Selena's Story

[Gacktoliscious]

(( yes its a final fantasy fan fiction gone horribly wrong))


I can't believe you did this to me, after all I've done for you. I'm your brother but more then that your best friend and you completely change me. Those words echoed softly through her mind as she allowed her crimson eyes to open as she sat up running her fingers through her dark hair knowing of course it was knotted from her rough sleep. "Its the same dream as before, nothing has changed and nothing ever will." She muttered to herself even though her voice was low it still ached with sleep. All she wanted to do was to lay down and sleep and get lost in her dreams but reading the time on her clock she knew she had to get up and got to her job as a turk something that her brother would have wanted if he didn't hate her so much. It had been almost 3 years since that fatal encounter and he hadn't contacted anyone not ever her. Sighing quietly she stood up and walked into the bathroom and took a hot shower allowing the water to drip down onto her burned skin. She had done so much for her beloved brother but the moment he found out the truth he had turned his back on her.

Selena blinked as she had zoned out of focus again and the water had turned into blistering cold. Quickly shutting off the water, she stepped out of the shower and onto the floor and looked in the mirror the moment she did she couldn't stop staring. Like her brother she had dark crimson eyes and long ebony hair that she kept carefully tied back. Vincent Valentine was stronger then her of course and had a leaner and most muscular tone body but was it from the experiment she and the other scientist had done to him or was it always that way. Selena sighed as she walked into her room and got dressed in a loose leather dress with the signature rose on her right shoulder it divided her away from her brother in more then one way.  

[hoenest]

well, i had some trouble with the run on sentences, as well as some grammatical errors: "then" instead of "than" in many instances, etc.; however, i think with more work this could become a good story, yo.  

[Kasumi Roseglimmer]

((I've tried to give some feedback on this twice already and found out it's harder than I thought. But I'll try again))

I think this was good for an opening to a new fanfiction. I really liked the use of descriptive words such as 'crimson' instead of 'red' and the mention of the rose on her dress that divided them in more ways than one. I wanted to know what happens next.

I've never played the Final Fantasy game that has these characters, although I have heard of Vincent at least and seen pictures of what he looks like. He's a type of vampire, right?

Anyway, apaprt from a few sentences running too long and a couple of spelling errors or grammar missing, this is a short but interesting read. If you ever decide to expand on it, I look forward to reading more.