Brownie Point Quote listings

[Cowpies77]

At the behest of our illustrious Guild leader, I am making a separate post for my brownie point quotes.

Feel free to make suggestions for Brownie Point Quotes.

• Please, point a gun at me if it helps you relax. You're only human.
  
• Good men don't need rules, but today is not the day to find out why I have so many.
  
• Perhaps one day, you and I will meet on the field of battle, and I will crush you for the glory of the empire.
  
• I hope to someday meet you in the field of battle, when I shall crush the life from your worthless human from. Try and get some rest.
  
• It is the greatest punishment that I can endure: To help the weak and sick.
  
• _
  
• I don't have every room in the universe memorized yet! I had yesterday off!
  
• You're not dead yet because we've only just met. I'm a psychopath, not rude.
  
• Please try to remain calm while your life is extracted.
  
• You will experience a tingling sensation and then death.
  
• Pity. Words are the weapons of women-folk. I must now judge you unfit.
  
• _
  
• You however... You smell of sweat. And fear. And... eww...
  
• I apologize for disabling you: Death has more honor, but I have more use for you alive.
  
• You dishonor me! I will gaze upon the eyes of my enemy. You may now stare at the face of Death.
  
• 'Cool'? Is the temperature significant for some reason?
  
• _
  
• "This is like designing a rifle that has a sight, a trigger and a magazine, but can only fire sound effects."
  
• My eyes can't handle that kind of direct sunlight. My cones and rods are all messed up. I took a crowbar to the eye socket during a sangria party gone wrong.
  
• If we are going to that creepy-a** institution that everyone's afraid of, then I have to lay down some ground rules. I will not enter the room first! I will not enter the room last! I will not investigate any suspicious noises or go looking for any fuse boxes! AND you will not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES leave me in a room by myself without a weapon of some sort. Do you understand and agree to my terms?!
  
• Want to split a pineapple? This baby is 82% Hawaiian and I have a-a-a-a-a-all afternoon.
  
• _
  
• Do you realize that you are the second-to-last human person on this planet that I want to be speaking to right now?
  
• "When it forgets all it knew but fear and pain, only then is it time for one in the brain!"
  
• Remember: Guns are not to be used at range. If God wanted you to use firearms to defeat your opponents, he wouldn't have given you all this boundless rage.
  
• "The best defense is- Ha Ha Ha! Just kidding! You think to challenge ME? My blade is thirsty. Come, Minion, refresh it!"
  
• And although proper dress code dictates that no man is presentable without his combat knife, we all understand that sometimes things come up: The blade became stuck in the bones of your last opponent, has been knocked away by a particularly wily marmoset, or you've simply grown bored with civilized combat and long for the fulfilling barbarism of hand-to-hand. If you find yourself disarmed, remember: One can always, always, always wield an animal as a crude bludgeoning device.
  
• _
  
• "Nobody's impressed! If banging my wife was so hard, I'd be doing it right now instead of crushing this scavenger's brainpan with a hammer!"
  
• It's not just red-blooded men after a six-whiskey power lunch; literally everything in nature is enraged by a woman's presence.
  
• He probably finds the soothing burn of their venom invigorating, like a warm n** of brandy on a cold Christmas morning.
  
• Look at him. Look at his face! There's no fear there. There's no panic, or even grim determination. There's just contempt. Simple, base contempt for the deadly fury of Mother Earth.
  
• You might as well stay home to knit cozies for your chilly woman parts, weakling.
  
• _
  
• But really look at that person: What that man is displaying is not fear. That man is not displaying concern, or anxiety, or a will to survive. What he is displaying, very proudly and enthusiastically, berserker rage.
  
• It's like the old saying goes: 'sometimes you get the bear, sometimes the bear gets you ... and then your only option is to uppercut your way out from inside of its goddamn mouth.'
  
• I ... s**t, that's really good. You have bested me, sir. I look forward to perusing your work. I will retreat to the area beneath the bleachers of the local baseball stadium, where I shall search for fallen hot dog bits.
  
• This isn't even a fight; it's just what men did instead of handshakes back in the day.
  
• Can you think of a more accurate way to describe what a man must do to get a woman now than "a gentle slaughter"?
  
• _
  
• "You'd damn well better have a magical unicorns and the power of sharing on your side or there's a good chance you're insane."
  
• "Everything you've done wrong with your childhood is between you and the relevant correctional facilities."
  
• "Life is hard, am I right? WRONG! Life is easy; YOU suck!"
  
• "So, the insect has emerged from it's cocoon as a shark with a gun for a mouth. To that I say, well done."
  
• "This has more ethanol than rocket fuel. It is 417 proof alcohol.
  
• _
  
• "People pay to be in the dream. There is a thin veneer between the dream and the reality. Start blurring the lines, and people might start asking for their money back."
  
• "Oh god, if this keeps up, I may have to keep drinking for real."
  
• "Oh, don't worry about him. He's clinically insane. And a biter. "
  
• "You are a waste of Human sperm. I hope you die a prolonged and relentlessly agonizing death."
  

 

[Cowpies77]

• That's not "stabbing a dude on your first day to show 'em you mean business" crazy; that's a "stabbing yourself just to show your enemies how to do it right, for a change" level of madness.
  
• That's like you waking up one day to find you've evolved an immunity to slash wounds, then immediately leaping out of bed and sprinting off into the woods so you can use your newfound abilities to hunt down a grizzly bear, rip its claws off and start beating wolves with them.
  
• You ever notice how no new development in this ends with "thus inflicting an instant, painless death?"
  (Optional add-on: Yeah, this is no different, because there's simply no seasoning like mortal fear. ) [+1 brownie point]
  
• For those of you who aren't quite sure about what just happened, my hands just ********>  

[Cowpies77]

• In order for his heart to pump enough blood for that to work, it had to summon an otherworldly amount of energy. Ancient wizards called this technique "witchcraft." Modern scientists call it the same ******** thing.
  
• When you punch someone in the face as hard as you can and it doesn't bother them, don't hang around and work the body. Stop being a bully and run home to double check your genitals -- there's a good chance you've just been a confused ugly girl this whole time.
  
• When you hear the voice of Odin whisper to pick up your tiny attacker and hurl him into the ground like so much unstrung puppet, answer his call!
  
• If you're perched on the top of something, it's best to jump off right away. Don't hang out indecisively and let the forces of nature surrounding you know you're a p***y.
  
• She hit the ground like God was spiking a football, causing her to feel a pain she could only describe with her impression of a sea lion removing a**l beads.
  
• Growing up, if we wanted to get home safely from the bus stop, we had to fill the weakest child with dog poison.
  
• Cigarettes make great presents. They're the gift that keeps on giving... cancer.
  

 

[Cowpies77]

• If you're starting to lose your vision, don't worry. All that means is that your eyes have decided there is nothing left to look at.
  
• When you see white people dressed like this, one of them is about to die and the rest are holding a drunk barfly at knifepoint
  
• Strangely enough, I find this to be both sexier and more terrifying.
  
• I'm truly pissed off that my mortal flesh wasn't seared off when I looked upon this majesty.
  
• I don't even dare speculate what's physically happening to you right with you're being a lady, though I imagine it sounds like ocean waves smashing into a gelatin cargo ship.

 

[Cowpies77]

Quote:

What a remarkable story for all the people over there whose names I don't know and refuse to learn!

Quote:

Here's to you, buddy. The rest of us can only hope that in that situation, we'd do the same. And then we can pray that we never have the chance to find out we're wrong.