I am getting desperate.probably crazy too. make the pain go!

[jodeheart]

There is so much wrong in my life right now I don't even know where to begin. To make a long story short, my husband cheated on me and a child came out of it. I have accepted that he made a mistake & forgiven him. But I have been feeling angry at God for allowing it to happen....as his wife it was my right and privelege to give him his first child and now that has been stolen from me forever. THAT bothers me even more than his infidelity. At this point I am questioning my sanity. I KNOW in my "head" that God's plan is greater than I can understand, but my "heart" is not hearing it. As a result I feel like I can't even take my pain to God.....that He's not listening. We have been married for 15 months and we are very close to at last getting his immigration approved & finally being able to be together for keeps (have I mentioned I am questioning my sanity?) All I know is that I love my husband. I understand that he is 5000 miles away from me and he was tempted by a woman who was desperate to remain a part of his life (so am I!) I have never loved anyone the way I do him. I am so depressed I have thought repeatedly of just ending it (as in EVERY NIGHT) I don't know who to talk to or what to even pray about anymore. I am already seeing a counselor and on two antidepressants & an antianxiety med to stop the panic attacks. I guess what my real problem is to be able to regain my trust for him. I trusted him unconditionally that everything he told me was the truth. Now I fear every moment we are apart. He is VERY handsome and women are constantly throwing themselves at him. I am older than he is and I have like zero self esteem. I fear that he might always keep secrets from me. He has gone out of his way to try to reassure me: he has looked at new wedding rings and even asked me to renew our vows our next anniversary. Please pray for me. Help me to find our way back to our once happy marriage...not to have my own low self esteem destroy my marriage because I am unable to let the past go and move on with our lives. This is my second marriage....he has accepted my two kids unconditionally. I would also agree to adopt this child and raise her as my own. Please.........just ask God to help me heal this breach and restore our trust again. I feel like my very life depends on it. Thanks for listening. crying cry  

[moosiklady]

I'll be praying for you - But keep in mind that God is the one who completes you - and the only one whose love is PERFECT! Trust in God, pray, and he'll get you through this.

I even think it's all right to be angry with God - at least that means you have a relationship with Him!! You can pray about that too!  

[Lady Kayura]

I'll pray for you.

I'd be angry at God too. And at my husband if that happened to me.

Though I think he needs some sort of marriage counseling since he's the one that cheated.