Pansexual backlash?

[NegaScott_7x7]

Something that I have been noticing lately is this trend where people are saying things along the lines of you shouldn't care about the gender of your partner. I get where they're are coming from but it seems to me like this could become a bad thing. To say that you shouldn't care about the gender of your partner is to say that its a choice to care at all. Sometimes when people say this kind of thing to me I get offended because I don't think I should be made to feel like I am supposed to be attracted to everyone just because they say so. I can't help it that I am not attracted to male anatomy and couldn't be romantically involved with a man. But even if I had the choice to like everyone, I wouldn't because why? I shouldn't have to do that just because other people think I should. And I'm not saying its bad to not care because its not, but to try to make people feel like they should do the same is what's bad because its just not that way for everyone.

Um so I guess I didn't really have a question, I just wanted to discuss this topic.  

[Chris ex Machina]

I really think one needs to care somewhat, even if one is pansexual. If you completely ignore a gender, you're ignoring a part of your partener. Guys and girls also need to be treated somewhat different, from my experiences, so saying that dosn't matter is kinda ignorant.... Not trying to insult anyone, just voicing my view.  

[Taeryyn]

I've seen a lot of individuals in the guild say things like, "Gender doesn't/shouldn't matter!". I don't believe for a moment that they intend for it to be anything negative, but it's always struck me as kind of a silly thing to say. (I feel the same way about "love is love", but that's another story.) The message they're trying to convey is actually a positive one, but it's just...poorly worded, I guess.

Gender or sex might not factor into attraction for everyone, but many of us just aren't wired that way. 3nodding We have our preferences, and even if we would like them to be blind to gender, we don't really have much (if any) say in the matter. You like who you like. Some people are strictly attracted to one sex, while others have a definite leaning, one way or the other. There's nothing wrong with that.

Anyway, again, I really don't think that our pansexual friends are trying to make anyone feel bad when they say "Gender shouldn't matter", so this isn't really much of an issue for me. Still, perhaps we can find a slogan that conveys a positive message about pansexuality, but without the negative implications about others. smile  

[Raleigh_Ronin]

Noire Samhain

I really think one needs to care somewhat, even if one is pansexual. If you completely ignore a gender, you're ignoring a part of your partener. Guys and girls also need to be treated somewhat different, from my experiences, so saying that dosn't matter is kinda ignorant.... Not trying to insult anyone, just voicing my view.

Couldn't one argue that the view that guys and girls need to be treated different is a result of sexism and could be easily proven to be false based on a rapid first glance analysis of the different realtionionshp roles of other cultures?  

[Chris ex Machina]

Karl_Krebs

I was just speaking from my experience, but yes that could be true. But then they have their own physical wants and needs that need to be attended to, such as emotional strength or need to compete naturally. Their wants and needs are what I was talking about. I get to know the people before dating them, but I've just made connections between similarities.  

[Raleigh_Ronin]

Noire Samhain

Karl_Krebs

I was just speaking from my experience, but yes that could be true. But then they have their own physical wants and needs that need to be attended to, such as emotional strength or need to compete naturally. Their wants and needs are what I was talking about. I get to know the people before dating them, but I've just made connections between similarities.

I have had a fair amount eggnog to if I am misreading your post please correct my drunk a**. But it sounds like you are saying that emotional strength an competitiveness are based on gender.

For the record to OP I also consider myself gay. I prefer male physical characteristics such as a nice set of lats, strong jaw line, a well developed male upper body just flat out looks different to me and its one of the areas on a dude I find most attractive so I can understand how you feel.  

[NegaScott_7x7]

Taeryyn

I've seen a lot of individuals in the guild say things like, "Gender doesn't/shouldn't matter!". I don't believe for a moment that they intend for it to be anything negative, but it's always struck me as kind of a silly thing to say. (I feel the same way about "love is love", but that's another story.) The message they're trying to convey is actually a positive one, but it's just...poorly worded, I guess.

Gender or sex might not factor into attraction for everyone, but many of us just aren't wired that way. 3nodding We have our preferences, and even if we would like them to be blind to gender, we don't really have much (if any) say in the matter. You like who you like. Some people are strictly attracted to one sex, while others have a definite leaning, one way or the other. There's nothing wrong with that.

Anyway, again, I really don't think that our pansexual friends are trying to make anyone feel bad when they say "Gender shouldn't matter", so this isn't really much of an issue for me. Still, perhaps we can find a slogan that conveys a positive message about pansexuality, but without the negative implications about others. smile

Yeah, I know they probably mean well, I just worry that this will turn into something negative and become far more complicated than it should be. I would very much like to be wrong about some new movement beginning. I mean, I think people who don't desire a gender or what-have-you should embrace that the same way I embrace being female I just don't want it to turn into one of those things that started out with great intentions but quickly went too far. Like you said, I think things need to be worded better.  

[Chris ex Machina]

Karl_Krebs

It does look like that >.< I'm just bad at explaining what I mean.  

[loonaboots]

hmm.
i think a better way of wording it might be "gender doesn't matter to me."  

[Taeryyn]

loonaboots

hmm.
i think a better way of wording it might be "gender doesn't matter to me."

Those last two words make all the difference. 3nodding  

[loonaboots]

Taeryyn

loonaboots

hmm.
i think a better way of wording it might be "gender doesn't matter to me."

Those last two words make all the difference. 3nodding

yes they do.
the power of words! i love it.  

[Raleigh_Ronin]

loonaboots

hmm.
i think a better way of wording it might be "gender doesn't matter to me."

I like this. This solves so many problems.  

[Shanna66]

gender does matter. i dont care what gender my partner is since i have no gender preference, but my husband wants to be treated as a man, so because his gender matters to him then that means it should matter to me.  

[STONED STONER CAT]

Honestly, love develops inside someone's heart despite what the gender is of the person it's directed towards. Everyone is different, and that's a part that will become accepted with whoever you fall in love with. And we all know love is crazy and weird and sometimes you don't know why you feel attracted to a certain person, but you are.

For me, the first boy I ever fell in love with had qualities I could never find in a girl, because at the time, he was who I wanted. When I met the only girl I've ever been with, I fell head over heels for her and felt emotions I never felt with my ex boyfriend.

Over time, I came to the realization that gender wasn't a serious factor when it came to who I was interested romantically, or sexually. Gender does matter and men and women should be treated as such. But it shouldn't prohibit you from taking an interest (or reject) someone for it.