Needs help (feels like a cheating whore)

[TheLostAngel-Mika]

I need help. I love my girlfriend, I truly do, I wanna marry her someday and everything. But something happened. My ex boyfriend is now one my best friends in the world. He can always get me to smile. Since our break-up, he finally found a new girlfriend. Which I was soooo happy for him but a little jealous. I squashed it down though because he deserves happiness. Then he'd start saying things to me like "I want you." "Your the only one I want."

Then the next day he'd talk about how much he was in love with his girlfriend. It really hurt me and made that small seed of jealousy grow. We both admitted we still have some feelings for each other and have this weird connection that makes no sense. Then a couple.... slip-ups happened. I guess you guys know what I mean. Last night's was the worse. I asked him what the hell we were suppose to do. His reply was "Secret Love?"

I told him that was wrong and he said we'd figure something out. He said he loved me and I told him "But you love her too." He couldn't deny it and tried to explain why but each word about her was like a dagger through my heart. I suggessted we not talk for a while, let things cool down. He said he had to go and left.

I don't know what to do. I do love him but not as much as I love my girlfriend. I want him in my life without all this drama. I don't want to hurt my girlfriend though I know if she finds out she'll be devestated. I need help. I feel like such a cheating whore and I hate it. I hate wanting to get rid of his girlfriend so I can have him all to myself. I hate the guilt at lying to my girlfriend. I hate how much I want him. I hate alot of things right now but mostly myself. Help someone.....

 

[xXbelovedXxx]

TheLostAngel-Mika

You're not going to like this advice, but honestly, you need to tell your girlfriend. If she loves you that much, then she will understand and help you. Sure it's expected that she will get hurt, but it's WAY better for her to find out now by you telling her than finding out later some other way.  

[TheLostAngel-Mika]

xXbelovedXxx

TheLostAngel-Mika

You're not going to like this advice, but honestly, you need to tell your girlfriend. If she loves you that much, then she will understand and help you. Sure it's expected that she will get hurt, but it's WAY better for her to find out now by you telling her than finding out later some other way.

I dont know how. This wasnt the first time this happened. Something similar happened last summer with him and she handled that ok but idk how she'll handle it a second time. Its like... Hes a damn drug to me, an addiction I cant get rid of even though I desperately want to.  

[SilentVex]

TheLostAngel-Mika

xXbelovedXxx

TheLostAngel-Mika

You're not going to like this advice, but honestly, you need to tell your girlfriend. If she loves you that much, then she will understand and help you. Sure it's expected that she will get hurt, but it's WAY better for her to find out now by you telling her than finding out later some other way.

I dont know how. This wasnt the first time this happened. Something similar happened last summer with him and she handled that ok but idk how she'll handle it a second time. Its like... Hes a damn drug to me, an addiction I cant get rid of even though I desperately want to.

I'm in a similar situation, except that my ex doesn't want me. You won't like my advice probably, seeing as I cant fix my siation. You need to get boundries with him. DOnt be around him alone, dont be around him with just his friends. And tell her, and ask her to help by not letting you be alone.

Like you said, he's a drug to you as my ex is to me. You just can't be let alone with him or him and his friends.  

[Inari Lugria]

Look darling everythng happens for a reason a lot of people are in that type of situation and no1 can really tell you what 2 do. The way I see it there are 3 options.

1-Tell your gf
2-play the field
3- Jus avoid it all together

people wnt love and love is a drug lik any otha it takes time to find a way to get away. Baby steps darling thats how u wrk it out...and as for the jealous it helps if u get 2 kno the girl

TheLostAngel-Mika

 

[Taeryyn]

You say that you don't know what to do. Well, not cheating on your girlfriend again would be a good place to start.

Have you ever heard the expression "you can't have your cake and eat it, too"? That's really what it all boils down to: You can't have them both, not unless you want to hurt your girlfriend (not to mention your ex's new girlfriend) and continue to feel shitty about yourself.

I think the right thing to do would be to stop seeing your ex (at least as long as he's dating that girl) and to come clean to your girlfriend. Will that result in a happy ending for you? Probably not, but at least you'd have done your best to make it right.  

[TheLostAngel-Mika]

Well I told my girlfriend and I didn't get dumped. I'm on probation though. I told my ex we couldn't talk for a couple weeks and well lets see if I'll survive not talking to my best friend. Its necessary though. (needs huggles cause my love is probably not gonna give it to me)  

[shadow_dancer91]

TheLostAngel-Mika

Well I told my girlfriend and I didn't get dumped. I'm on probation though. I told my ex we couldn't talk for a couple weeks and well lets see if I'll survive not talking to my best friend. Its necessary though. (needs huggles cause my love is probably not gonna give it to me)

*huggles* heart blaugh 4laugh  

[TheLostAngel-Mika]

shadow_dancer91

TheLostAngel-Mika

Well I told my girlfriend and I didn't get dumped. I'm on probation though. I told my ex we couldn't talk for a couple weeks and well lets see if I'll survive not talking to my best friend. Its necessary though. (needs huggles cause my love is probably not gonna give it to me)

*huggles* heart blaugh 4laugh

(hugs back) Thanks... is not talking to someone suppose to cause physical pain? and its only been an hour and a half...  

[Kaze Espada]

Well, You could cross your fingers and try to make a four way relationship... you would have to have the luck of about 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 irish men but it could happen.  

[Lady Kayura]

TheLostAngel-Mika

Well I told my girlfriend and I didn't get dumped. I'm on probation though. I told my ex we couldn't talk for a couple weeks and well lets see if I'll survive not talking to my best friend. Its necessary though. (needs huggles cause my love is probably not gonna give it to me)

Your girlfriend is risking a lot by not breaking up with you. I think personally you need to get your priorities straight.

You say you love your girlfriend more than your ex but he's your best friend? I think you ought to reassess that relationship. Your girlfriend should be #1 in your life, not your ex. She ought to be your best friend, not your ex.

I don't think not talking for a couple of weeks will fix the problem. I think you ought to cut off all contact with him and focus on fixing the damage you did to your relationship.  

[TheLostAngel-Mika]

Lady Kayura

TheLostAngel-Mika

Well I told my girlfriend and I didn't get dumped. I'm on probation though. I told my ex we couldn't talk for a couple weeks and well lets see if I'll survive not talking to my best friend. Its necessary though. (needs huggles cause my love is probably not gonna give it to me)

Your girlfriend is risking a lot by not breaking up with you. I think personally you need to get your priorities straight.

You say you love your girlfriend more than your ex but he's your best friend? I think you ought to reassess that relationship. Your girlfriend should be #1 in your life, not your ex. She ought to be your best friend, not your ex.

I don't think not talking for a couple of weeks will fix the problem. I think you ought to cut off all contact with him and focus on fixing the damage you did to your relationship.

i know she is. I told her I deserved her dumping me. She said she loved me too much to ever leave.

And with the best friend thing, my girlfriend is my number one in my life. I consider best friend as something different as she is way more than a friend. So out of my friends, yes he is my best friend. He always has been. He used to be able to read my mind no joke but now he cant even read his own. He doesnt know what he wants but his girlfriend had almost the same reaction as mine. Nothing went in so she forgave him.

As to completely not talking to him, im used to talking on and off with him for hours until sleep forces us to go to bed. Not talking to him the past 3 hours while knowing hes online has been seriously bothering me. If that's what my girlfriend wants, i'll cut off all contact with him. But other than that, i cant just stop talking to him. i dont think i could handle it.  

[Lady Kayura]

TheLostAngel-Mika

i know she is. I told her I deserved her dumping me. She said she loved me too much to ever leave.

And with the best friend thing, my girlfriend is my number one in my life. I consider best friend as something different as she is way more than a friend. So out of my friends, yes he is my best friend. He always has been. He used to be able to read my mind no joke but now he cant even read his own. He doesnt know what he wants but his girlfriend had almost the same reaction as mine. Nothing went in so she forgave him.

As to completely not talking to him, im used to talking on and off with him for hours until sleep forces us to go to bed. Not talking to him the past 3 hours while knowing hes online has been seriously bothering me. If that's what my girlfriend wants, i'll cut off all contact with him. But other than that, i cant just stop talking to him. i dont think i could handle it.

This may come off as harsh, if you think you can't handle it, you may not want to continue reading. You've been warned.

Suggestion for you. When you're sitting there pining for him, knowing he's online, unable to handle cutting him out of your life, close your eyes and try to picture how your girlfriend feels knowing you betrayed her.

Try to picture how hurt she is. Is she the kind of person to cry? Try to picture the betrayal she may have felt. She obviously loves you a lot so that's going to make the betrayal worse. The person she cares about the most is pining for someone else. She may be feeling like she's not good enough and that's why you miss him. Picture that. Feel that.

Put yourself in her shoes and think what she may be thinking when she found out you told him you wish he wasn't with his girlfriend. You know her better than I do, what would she be thinking. Let yourself feel the pain she might've felt.

And when you're done, ask who's hurting more. You because you can't talk to him or her because the love of her life is being selfish.

Warning, my next comment is going to be harsher than the above. If you don't think you can handle it, then I suggest you stop reading the rest of what I have to say.

As for not being able to handle not talking to him? I'm sorry but I really think you need to suck it up. Trying to have them both in your life isn't going to work. Keeping him in your life is going to continue to hurt your girlfriend. Is that what you want to do? Are you that selfish? If the answer is yes then just break up with your girlfriend now so she can get over you and then get back with your ex if you love him so much. Just keep in mind that the reasons you two broke up probably haven't gone away. If it didn't work out before, it won't work out again. I really think since you obviously can't be just friends with this guy you need to pick; which is more important: him or her?  

[TheLostAngel-Mika]

Lady Kayura

TheLostAngel-Mika

i know she is. I told her I deserved her dumping me. She said she loved me too much to ever leave.

And with the best friend thing, my girlfriend is my number one in my life. I consider best friend as something different as she is way more than a friend. So out of my friends, yes he is my best friend. He always has been. He used to be able to read my mind no joke but now he cant even read his own. He doesnt know what he wants but his girlfriend had almost the same reaction as mine. Nothing went in so she forgave him.

As to completely not talking to him, im used to talking on and off with him for hours until sleep forces us to go to bed. Not talking to him the past 3 hours while knowing hes online has been seriously bothering me. If that's what my girlfriend wants, i'll cut off all contact with him. But other than that, i cant just stop talking to him. i dont think i could handle it.

This may come off as harsh, if you think you can't handle it, you may not want to continue reading. You've been warned.

Suggestion for you. When you're sitting there pining for him, knowing he's online, unable to handle cutting him out of your life, close your eyes and try to picture how your girlfriend feels knowing you betrayed her.

Try to picture how hurt she is. Is she the kind of person to cry? Try to picture the betrayal she may have felt. She obviously loves you a lot so that's going to make the betrayal worse. The person she cares about the most is pining for someone else. She may be feeling like she's not good enough and that's why you miss him. Picture that. Feel that.

Put yourself in her shoes and think what she may be thinking when she found out you told him you wish he wasn't with his girlfriend. You know her better than I do, what would she be thinking. Let yourself feel the pain she might've felt.

And when you're done, ask who's hurting more. You because you can't talk to him or her because the love of her life is being selfish.

Warning, my next comment is going to be harsher than the above. If you don't think you can handle it, then I suggest you stop reading the rest of what I have to say.

As for not being able to handle not talking to him? I'm sorry but I really think you need to suck it up. Trying to have them both in your life isn't going to work. Keeping him in your life is going to continue to hurt your girlfriend. Is that what you want to do? Are you that selfish? If the answer is yes then just break up with your girlfriend now so she can get over you and then get back with your ex if you love him so much. Just keep in mind that the reasons you two broke up probably haven't gone away. If it didn't work out before, it won't work out again. I really think since you obviously can't be just friends with this guy you need to pick; which is more important: him or her?

..... u know what kind of makes this all worse? I dumped him the first time because I felt nothing romantic for him. All I wanted was for a prince to sweep me off my feet and give me an excuse to dump my boyfriend at the time. He did that. Then I started to have feelings for my girlfriend who was both of our close friend... Before I dated her, we were the the three musketeers. Now she's planning his gravestone marker.

I know your absolutely right. I cried myself to sleep multiple nights cause I know I'm being selfish. I know I'm hurting her. And the worse part is, you know why she wants to kill him? Because he made me cry when I said we need to figure out how to make it not happen again and he said "Just pretend it never happened." She wants to kill him because of how these mistakes happen and he then goes on and on about his love for his girlfriend hurting me. She wants to kill him for hurting me not for being the "other guy". That just fuels the fire.

I damn sure don't deserve her.  

[Lady Kayura]

TheLostAngel-Mika

I damn sure don't deserve her.

You can fix all of this by cutting contact with him. =P