PS, they're talking about a recent murder committed by a serial killer that killed an old woman and Sam saw it right before the police came... So lol here:
“ It's a normal thing: everything dies.”
I had meant it to be a calming gesture ( which was a little hard with my lack of personal experience), so I didn't see it coming when her eyebrows scrunched together suddenly , and her pale lips turned down.
“ Sam! How could you say that?”
At any normal time, I would have just watched the person get angry, body leaning forward and breath quickening just a bit, ticks and gears setting off an aggressive reaction, with no feeling, staring apathetically. But this time was different. It wasn't even that big of a deal. She was angry at me; inexplicably, something inside me made an odd little sound, irked.
“ She died. Her body's been cleaned up and all. It's just an empty shell.” I said, confused. Was this not what normal people did to comfort others about death? I had been around it so often I couldn't tell.
Emily's eyes widened before she leaned forward, almost nose to nose. I didn't move a muscle. Inside me, the thing that had made that noise began to growl.
He didn't like this. No, how dare it be angry? If it was angry, that meant it thought it had control over him. It thought it was above him with its small-minded thoughts and opinions. How dare it? It was only a thing, an item, or a creature, like the beetles he tore the wings off of. It was only prey. She was only prey, food, a toy.
“ I don't know how you could say something like that! She had family, friends. She always gave me a sweet when I visited.” At that her eyes watered a little. “She was a breathing, living person! Don't you understand that-”
No, not a person. The remains of a morbidly beautiful scene laid out by the killer;an artwork made into a tantalizing mystery.
“ What's wrong with you-”
I met her eyes (no, no, this would only make it worse), her breath hot against my face, but just within reaching range.
I could so easily reach up and tear that look off her face... It was so easy; after all, that's how I'd been raise, right? When things (can't control it, what do I do, not in my plan-) went haywire, all I had to do was let him go, lash out, let him wrap his fingers around its throat- Her throat-
My mind flashed back, spiraling into the memory of my father looming above me. My cries had gone unheard as he tightened a smooth hand under my jaw. Mom had stayed at work for a meeting, leaving him and I alone from when I got home after school to 8 PM. The handsome face that she had fallen for had hovered above mine, hot breathing steaming into my cheek, eyes filled with a love and sadness and insanity that almost made it seem as though what he had done was perfectly okay.
People like us didn't feel emotion easily. My mother had chipped his barrier, but I had completely slipped past it, something utterly and uniquely his, but yet so different. It was like being in perfect control, but still irrevocably having no say, nothing to do with it. I was a factor he could control, but didn't want to. There was only one way he knew how to express his love and confusion.
He had squeezed tighter around the neck and his nails scratched marks onto my chest-
I brought a hand up to my face, trying to shake the thoughts out of my head.
Emily's nostrils flared subtlety , catching the movement of my hand and seeing what I had just done as an exclamation declaring that I had shut her out, her own anger ticking like a bomb. I watched with a small hint of fear not only for me but for her too, but it was overpowered by that strange sensation of being clawed from inside my skull.
That's when she grabbed my wrist. Everything kind of seemed to slow down (can't let him out, I will act normal, can't let him out, can't let it-her- know). Unlike before where I had seen a haze, my vision was clearer than it had ever been. My mind went numb, right before the rage bubbled and explode out of me.
“ Sam, you-”
“ I don't understand- “ I seethed. He was fighting to break out of my ribcage (so much easier than leaving my head a bloody mess), clawing up through my insides and racing through my blood, making the beast roar to life. “ - because people are nothing to me.”
My hand balled up until my nails cut bloody crescents into my palm. I wanted to grab her hair, slam her face into the dashboard, watch her kick and cry in fear as I pulled her face up again, just to get that thrill- seeing her move as I directed her, react to my actions like a maestro to an opera.
“ They are creatures- things- insects- with their sadness and small problems- nothing-“ I spluttered, trying to regain control of that beast, but the fear in her eyes as she pulled back and I leaned forward- the thrill, the connection, the whoosh of life- had only made him hungrier. I didn't even realize that I had brought my hand up, reaching for her locks, until it was in front of my face. I jerked it down.
I needed to go, to run away from her before she realized what I truly was. A monster.
Lord forbid anybody saw past my mask to what was beneath.
Blindly, my hands found the door, flinging it open as my feet carried me away. It- she didn't make a noise as I stumbled towards somewhere, anywhere else( no, go back, blood, need, no), but the monster roared at her ( for her) until the car fell from my sight.
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