Shadow Delight
First, thanks for reading it
smile
Second, I'll go back over it and edit it for spellings, it was only a rough draft to begin with so ... sorry about tthat
smile
Also, I probably should have made it clearer, he's a good ruler in the sense that, though he is a bit irrational and killed his wife and all that, he protects that place from intruders, attackers and the like so, though he is a cruel kinda guy ... they feel safer living there .... if you get that makes any sense XD
I have to agree with Vampaneze Lover. The bad far outweighs the good aspects of his rule so I would change the wording a bit. That's all.
I'm still reading the rest of it right now. While it's not bad or anything, I feel that you will have some editing ahead of you. Many things seem contradicting so far. The king killed his wife for staying up late one night for a sick friend. I can't imagine what he'd do to his daughter if he found out she had been leaving the castle. I also find it kind of unbelievable that she's been doing it every day, in broad daylight, and through the front gate of all things. How does the king not notice she's gone? If she was smart, I think she would go about this a bit differently if not at all. After all, if she's caught, she'll die, the guards that helped her would probably be torture/killed and so would the person she's visiting if he's ever found. (Judging by how the king behaves anyway.) That's a lot at stake. The guards should know this too. So why are they helping her? If they cared about her, they'd want to keep her safe from harm. And if they didn't, they'd want to save their own hides by keeping her inside.
The conversation between the two guards at the entrance was a little odd, too. First the guy says 'Get out of the way" but all the main character does is stand straighter. And then afterwards, when talking about the guy's crush on the princess, Cepheus tells him not to even think about it since he would be killed instantly by the king. However, the rest of that exchange implied that the reason why he didn't have a chance was that he never talked to her; the fact that he would die if he did seemed to fly right over his head. That's my impression of that anyway.
Those are just a couple things I wanted to point out, though. All in all, you seem to have a good idea. The setting is very interesting, too. I just feel that you need to work out the details a little more. You said you wrote this a while ago, right? Shouldn't be too much of a problem rereading it and fixing it up a bit, then.
wink Good luck! I think that after developing it a bit more, it'd definitely be worth continuing. I'm sure it'll turn out great.