Help with my story...?

[happyTohru]

Okay, my novel is about a teenage girl and her two guy best friends. Her dad inherits a lot of money from his uncle, and these two guys keep trying to kidnap her and hold her for ransom again and again. Her two best friends rescue her, of course, and as with most stories similar to this, she ends up falling in love with one of her friends. So, I need advice: does this sound like a completely stupid, pointless novel?

[Chouwa]

happyTohru

Okay, my novel is about a teenage girl and her two guy best friends. Her dad inherits a lot of money from his uncle, and these two guys keep trying to kidnap her and hold her for ransom again and again. Her two best friends rescue her, of course, and as with most stories similar to this, she ends up falling in love with her. So, I need advice: does this sound like a completely stupid, pointless movie?

yes....as a matter of fact it does....srry to tell ye it....but IT STINKS!!!! *throws up on her then leaves*

[blue_icicle]

happyTohru

Okay, my novel is about a teenage girl and her two guy best friends. Her dad inherits a lot of money from his uncle, and these two guys keep trying to kidnap her and hold her for ransom again and again. Her two best friends rescue her, of course, and as with most stories similar to this, she ends up falling in love with her. So, I need advice: does this sound like a completely stupid, pointless movie?

Who falls in love with who? And how do her friends rescue her over and over, if they're teenagers? Can they drive?

Movie? o_O;;

It sounds like it might be OK if it's well-written. confused

[Sasuke_Gal]

blue_icicle

happyTohru

Okay, my novel is about a teenage girl and her two guy best friends. Her dad inherits a lot of money from his uncle, and these two guys keep trying to kidnap her and hold her for ransom again and again. Her two best friends rescue her, of course, and as with most stories similar to this, she ends up falling in love with her. So, I need advice: does this sound like a completely stupid, pointless movie?

Who falls in love with who? And how do her friends rescue her over and over, if they're teenagers? Can they drive?

Movie? o_O;;

It sounds like it might be OK if it's well-written. confused

I have to agree with blue_icicle...

Movie??

if you fill in the confusing and missing parts it could be good.

[happyTohru]

Okay, I'll fill in the missing parts...
First, her friends' names are Derek and Aaron (unless I change them again xd ), and she falls in love with Derek. Oh, and her name is Roxanne. lol a bit late.. Yes, they can drive, because Roxanne is fifteen and her friends are sixteen. Yeah, I've thought about it being a movie, adn actually, it works out pretty well... Oh, and I have no idea why I typed "she" "her" and "movie"... i was kinda freaking out a little at the moment. Any more info needed?

[blue_icicle]

happyTohru

Okay, I'll fill in the missing parts...
First, her friends' names are Derek and Aaron (unless I change them again xd ), and she falls in love with Derek. Oh, and her name is Roxanne. lol a bit late.. Yes, they can drive, because Roxanne is fifteen and her friends are sixteen. Yeah, I've thought about it being a movie, adn actually, it works out pretty well... Oh, and I have no idea why I typed "she" "her" and "movie"... i was kinda freaking out a little at the moment. Any more info needed?

Well, it seems kind of implausible...I mean, what about her parents? and the guys' parents?

[Crackerjackthe4th]

okay, then. it seems pointless now because there's no conflict.
so how about this (although it would have to depend on Aaron's personality and if you'd be willing to kill off a character):
Aaron gets jealous and plots against derek, and he then sides with the two kidnappers to take roxanne by force and live with her forever.
I suppose this would only work if Aaron was a bitter, tormented soul.

Quote:

"To understand the light, one must first understand the darkness...for it is there that the heart of man is first born."

[Comrade Clara]

Sounds like a stereotypical teen movie to me. Those don't have to make an ounce of sense or contain any rational human emotion to draw in the crowds. It sounds sort of like that movie "Saving Silverman". Sort of.

[Crackerjackthe4th]

well, it seems pointless now because there's no conflict.
so how about this (although it would have to depend on Aaron's personality and if you'd be willing to change a character):
Aaron gets jealous and plots against derek, and ultimately teams up with the kidnappers so he can take roxanne by force, and live with her forever.
I suppose it would only work though if Aaron was a bitter, tormented soul.

[Crackerjackthe4th]

oops...
I didn't mean to post that twice...

[jhafiasuhfsdifhsie]

Shadow Clara

Sounds like a stereotypical teen movie to me. Those don't have to make an ounce of sense or contain any rational human emotion to draw in the crowds. It sounds sort of like that movie "Saving Silverman". Sort of.

Saving Silverman had its good points, I must say. That or I just enjoy watching Steve Zahn get hurt and nuns do ridiculous things. Anyways, to the actual point:


Who are the guys that kidnap her?
How do they know about the money?
How old are they?
What is their connection to her?
How do they do it?
What do Roxanne's parents do?
Why isn't the police involved?
How does Aaron feel about Roxanne/Derek?
Where do 16 year olds get the gas money?
Since when do 16 year olds try to rescue people?

I'll probably think of more. But the ages of the characters irk me.

[happyTohru]

blue_icicle

happyTohru

Okay, I'll fill in the missing parts...
First, her friends' names are Derek and Aaron (unless I change them again xd ), and she falls in love with Derek. Oh, and her name is Roxanne. lol a bit late.. Yes, they can drive, because Roxanne is fifteen and her friends are sixteen. Yeah, I've thought about it being a movie, adn actually, it works out pretty well... Oh, and I have no idea why I typed "she" "her" and "movie"... i was kinda freaking out a little at the moment. Any more info needed?

Well, it seems kind of implausible...I mean, what about her parents? and the guys' parents?

She didn't want to tell her parents, because her mom is way over-protective because she's an only child and her dad is a former drill sergeant who gets angry easily. Derek's parents haven't come into the story yet.

[happyTohru]

Neio

okay, then. it seems pointless now because there's no conflict.
so how about this (although it would have to depend on Aaron's personality and if you'd be willing to kill off a character):
Aaron gets jealous and plots against derek, and he then sides with the two kidnappers to take roxanne by force and live with her forever.
I suppose this would only work if Aaron was a bitter, tormented soul.

Quote:

"To understand the light, one must first understand the darkness...for it is there that the heart of man is first born."

I had that exact idea and worked on it for a while, but... I dunno, I guess it just hurts that a friend would be a betrayer. Should I put it in anyway?

[happyTohru]

tgas

Shadow Clara

Sounds like a stereotypical teen movie to me. Those don't have to make an ounce of sense or contain any rational human emotion to draw in the crowds. It sounds sort of like that movie "Saving Silverman". Sort of.

Saving Silverman had its good points, I must say. That or I just enjoy watching Steve Zahn get hurt and nuns do ridiculous things. Anyways, to the actual point:


Who are the guys that kidnap her?
How do they know about the money?
How old are they?
What is their connection to her?
How do they do it?
What do Roxanne's parents do?
Why isn't the police involved?
How does Aaron feel about Roxanne/Derek?
Where do 16 year olds get the gas money?
Since when do 16 year olds try to rescue people?

I'll probably think of more. But the ages of the characters irk me.

Snake and Muscles (don't laugh- it's really their nicknames, and it doesn't go much into their life before now.)

I was thinking about making them jealous relatives for a while, but that seemed kind of stupid. Any ideas? The best I can come up with is them being old college enemies or something -.- Ooh!! Idea!! They were college buddies (actually... Snake would be his college buddy, since Muscles is an idiot) with Roxanne's great-uncle, and got mad that he didn't include him in his will. Better?

Who? The bad guys, or the group of friends?

Again, who?

-.- Seriously... be more specific.

Freak out (as expected) and call the police immediately. Her dad gets reaaaaallllllllyyy mad XD But they take her to and from school, and are pretty much only letting her go out once, to a school dance.

They are now!! XD

Reeeeaaaaaalllllyyyy jealous.

Odd jobs? He actually is only going to use his car a few times. Not really needed...

They're her best friends!! And they both love her. wink

That good?

[RoyalShigatsu]

if you're a beginner, then i guess you should PRACTICE on this stroy, for writing skill purposes. if you're nto a beginner, i'm sorry to say, but it sucks. the whole plot is too predictable. 3nodding