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I like it!!
Please write more. im not much for criticism and i didn't really notice any mistakes so please .... write more???

*looks up hopefully*
lol this is the beta of my fist chapter, I am actually on chapter 9 now surprised
OH YA!!!

Could You Post More???? blaugh

*Stares happily at the cumputer*
...I couldn't even read it.

-Nice hair
why couldn't you read it???
it was really good
Mystical Beauty
OH YA!!!

Could You Post More???? blaugh

*Stares happily at the cumputer*


lol sorry I am only releasing the first chapter at the moment,I want to try and get it published when its done razz
feel lucky now razz
(and its only cos mystical is so cute redface )

CHAPTER 2 BETA (yes its all in mobile phone text chat,

Chapter 2: The Text Chat


Sion picked up his phone and opened his message. Surprisingly it was from Layla, standing there, very confused he read it anyways,

Hey I just heard bout that law they decided to pass, it suxs, and to tell ya the truth I don’t care who I am paired up with I am gonna stick with u, I hope u will stay with me also, once again, I had a great night, and believe me, u’ll be in my dreams 2night :p

He had a bit of a think, then went back into the bathroom to get ready for bed. This time when he re-emerged from the bathroom he walked naked across the room. He grabbed the control to his TV switched on his TV to a rock music channel, and threw down the remote before grabbing his robe and went back into his bathroom.

Back at Layla’s house she was walking across her bedroom in her small nightie, thinking of this ‘Partner Act’ that has been set up. The main thoughts going through her head were of Sion, her mobile began to buzz and she instantly grabbed it thinking it was Sion, but all there was, was disappointment as it turned out to be her best friend, Amelia, Millie for short, and how it came up on the mobile. Her message was predicable and inevitable. It simply read,

Hey how was it, this new law saves a lot of hassle, hope I am not with a punk, like that Sion, well it is pretty funny how u’ve lead him on, I bet that he will lose his punk attitude when u stub him 2morrow. Tb

Well after this she snapped and replied with a text saying about her true feeling,

Well listen here, u, Sion, is not that bad, in fact, he is great, I ain’t eva been so happy, and if you don’t like it then get stuffed, and this law, it can go to hell along with those who don’t approve of Sion dating and me.

Within a minute a text came back, from Millie,

[colour=cyan]U like him? Well, how, I mean, him a punk, that’s sick, u mad, if word gets out, ur rep will be ova, and both of us will be pushed out of the group

At this point Layla was really pissed, from good natured babe to an extremely pissed off cow and sent a text back showing her side,

I don’t care, he is the 1 for me and I will not let a thing stop me, we will stay together I don’t give a ******** what u say. I will leave the girls before leavin him.
Immediately Layla sent a text to Sion,

Millie is going nuts, afraid of us getin shund from the group, I don’t care but she cares 4 the group ova me, damn b***h.

Sion was just finishing up in the bathroom when the text arrived and when he saw the text and had to reply,

What ur gunna ditch ur girls 4 me…well I, but neva thought that you liked me that much I am flattered to think that u’d leave the girls for me, but I had a feeling that at least 1 of them would txt ya 2 complain.

Layla received Millie’s text first and it read,

Well I cant c u get thrown out, don’t say a thin to any1 else, we can stay with the girls and u can stay with…him…well I will stay with ya but I am not guna pretend 2 like him.

Next she received the text from Sion and she was over the moon and saw an opportunity for some fun,

carful, u don’t wana lose your punk image by goin a bit girly, so you guna be the first to get that damn thin of your arm? O and u gunna pick me up on those nice wheels of Ur’s? luv ya

Layla was furious at Millie by now,

Listen here u I don’t care if u stay my friend or not I am in luv with him and I don’t care what u say or do I am satyin with him, u can even txt him and c that he and I luv each ova so stop tryin 2 make me leave him cos I won’t, got that

Layla was relieved to receive Sion’s text,

Good point, :p, I best be carful, whats up with Millie, she wants popularity ova u, its true the sayin dumb blonds. If ya want I get ya in the morn, then we can get our matchin braclets, and as soon as I find a way to get it off I’ll get it off ya 2.

Millie listened to Layla and text Sion,

What r u thinking then, charming Lay, like that, u have no right to do anything like that, with ur motor bike and ur punk attitude, u should leave her alone and let her find a guy with decent standards with decent dress sense.

Next Layla sent a text back to Sion unknowing what had been sent to him from millie asnd still sitting on her bed crossed legged, a huge smile breaking every tine she recieved a text from and text him back,

Lol, u worried what people say that is worth a few lol’s, u known me 2 long. What u gunna do now?

Sion was determianed to sort things out by now and first was Millie,

Listen u, I don’t care what u think of me but ya should leave Lay alone, I am very happy with her and as far as I no she is happy with me so leave it

Next Sion had to reply to Lay,

Just wondering, if Ur happy with me or not?

Layla confused by the text and a bit hurt by it replied,

What…how can u ask that, before last night I hadn’t got as close to a boy as a simple peck on the cheek, but last night in the cinema, with u was different and should show u what I think, I luv u, so what drove u to ask that 2 me, aren’t u happy with me?

Sion now knew that Lay and his relationship are solid and he didn’t care what came at him from any one.

Yea I am happy with u, I luv u 2. Just I wasn’t sure, anyway, you haven’t been out with many guys have u?

It was obvious that Millie would intervene the chat and she did, In a way that she hoped would finish this relationship within seconds. Her first target, Sion,

From what I have heard from Lay ur just a 1nighter, and should no when to quit, u got no chance with her so get a dumb punk b***h for ur self and stop buggin Lay

Next Millie would attack Layla and hope to end their relationship,

Hey, chatin to that punk of ur’s I found out he thinks of u as a 1nighter, so u should leave him and find some1 better and well more reasonable

Lay was laughing at her phone at the sight of this message and had to tell Sion as soon as possible, but yet she was worried and the smile that ever graced her face disappeared,

Lol I just got a message from Millie sayin that u said that u thout of me as a 1nighter, lol…u don’t do u? And as for that last message, I haven’t really been out with many guys but the 1’s I had was mainly cos of the girls setting me up with them

Sion couldn’t believe what he was reading but he smelt a ret,

I just got the same msg from her, I didn’t believe a thing, u shouldn’t ether, I luv u k, I wouldn’t say anythin like that. Just ignore her, the damn slag. Also I guess I should be flattered that did all that stuff with me for the first time,

Lay’s smile was brought back and she was happier than ever

Thanks I needed that, and as for her I don’t give a ********, see I write stuff that I don’t eva say :p, well I wouldn’t say before anyways, but u should be flattered as I wouldn’t do it for any guy…only a special guy

Sion received the message as he was trying to sort out all his stuff for the next day, and after reading the message he had to reply,

Lol, Well as long as ur happy I guess that everythin is ok, well I am not sure bout that b***h, sorry, she is ur friend ain’t she. But I am very pleased with that special guy remark :p

Layla began to laugh at her mobile, before thinking about what had been said, her answer to the text was.

Well I am not sure if she is my friend still, if she can’t live with the fact that we r together then she can get stuffed, especially after that attempt to try and break us up with those lies

Sion was now tryin to find where the hell he had thrown the control to his TV when he got the message. His answer to it was,

What…I am surprised that u would do that to someone who has been ur closest friend since god knows when ova a guy

Layla was actually surprised by the message and had got an idea for a reply and sure enough she sent it,

Well if you think like that, should I leave u?

Sion was now kinda worried but sorta knew what was going on,

Well no but when it comes down to it I guess that she loses out :p wink . Well the night draws on, and I am in need of sleep. Well u want a lift 2morrow?

A now very tired Layla picked up her mobile for the last time,

Yea, of course, I’d love 2 have a lift, well I will met u outside my house 2morrow half an hour before school, k. C ya 2morrow, c u in my dreams

With that text sent Layla decided to do what she said she was going to do and go to sleep. She placed her phone on the bedside table and made sure it was on silent.
As for Sion he let things go, and also decides, seeing as it was 01:30 and he had to be up at 07:00 that sleep may be a good idea. Simply he put his phone on silent and went to sleep.
Um, I kind of agree with Zacharra. I skimmed some of it, but that was all I could take. The writing style of this is just really, really choppy and abrupt.

Some sentences are so garbled that even if one took the effort to read it, they wouldn't be able to understand it.

"The night was particularly cold but warm felt rain was left falling from the patchwork sky."
Felt rain? Patchwork? Is the sky a quilt that's falling apart?

And cut the description of clothing and everything WAY down. You don't have to describe every single item of clothing, what color it is, where it's ripped and how many buttons there are. Something like "He tugged nervously at the collar of his flame-patterned shirt, hoping it went with his jeans as well as he'd thought it did," will suffice. Trust me. You don't have to describe the dragons on his chains or whatever.
smile thank you for your comments, to be honist these are just BETA's of the first chapters. and as for the description of the clothes, its supposed to be an insite into the person's soul. later on in the story Layla changes her style and that gives an insite into how people change as there enviroment changes and how many people hide themselfs because of the enviroment and desire to fit in. and as for the scentence structure, yes its sorta bitty and garbled,
a) thats sort of my writing style
b) I'm dyslexic
c) there only beta chapters and do need work

But I appreciate your comments smile thank you for talking your time to read it smile
ha i am sooo happy there was more to read!!!!! redface ha ur pretty cute urself razz
Mystical Beauty
ha i am sooo happy there was more to read!!!!! redface ha ur pretty cute urself razz


lol why would you be happy there was more to read?

naw you wouldn't say i was cute if you saw me in real life.
lol, because i like the story!! I think its really really good, despite the sentences being "choppy" as some people say which i dont even see ... redface
Mystical Beauty
lol, because i like the story!! I think its really really good, despite the sentences being "choppy" as some people say which i dont even see ... redface


diffrent people notice diffrent things smile not everyone can like certain styles of writing.
please more story??? *pout*

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