Sharpshooting the Ragdoll pt1

[MaglinVinn]

zero the last decepticon

Tell it to the troops,
they'll all be coming home soon
Yeah right
If you buy into that s**t
then I must be selling out again.
I'm working on an atmosphere, here
take another one of these and forget your bravery
Just a minute into this, and
I've already forgotten what love is.
Sleeping on the floor to find an answer,
just a second
over my head
Please let it wash away to an innocence island
where I can let all it fall into the Pink.
You've never died before, and it shows
just like nipples through a wet T-shirt
I'm taking numbers and writing shitlists;
if you wanna join mine, then speak to me.
Tell it like it is, then the winter
hell, I'm tired of taking the fall
need a good ol' spring break from life,
before I let my summer sun shine on all of y'all
Just another make belive man
holding onto rivers
You have no revolution.
Stop bitching!!!!!

It all downhill from this moment in time,
spend all of your time inside.
There's no world to see,
don't waste time
I'm coming to cradle you all.
From said cradle to the grave,
back up your own bullshit
believe the lies, then fly.
Cut your wrists to be popular, and
bisexuality shows you're cool.
If you buy that, then I'm getting dumb again,
and you'll be a VJ on MTV,
just another monotony hopeful,
hopefully prom queen dropping your pants.
Sell me out before I buy in,
but for now,
I'm signing over what's left of my soul.
These are postcards for a lost God,
if you pick them up, then flag me down.
I'll only be here for one night,
so catch me if you can.

the first few lines hit home for me, my best friend is in cali right now doing desert training so he can be deployed to falujah. (sp?). so he's not coming home... he's going away.

which, apparently, is your point exactly. lol

just take another one of these and forget your bravery... are you actually talking to a solidier at this point? guy got shot, takes a shot of morphine, forgets everything he does... and gets set back out to do it again?

The nipples through a wet t-shirt part... i'm going to guess you're talking about that 'sex' drive tahts found on a predominantly male base? i'm not sure where you were going wit hthat if not

I'm taking numbers and writing shitlists;
if you wanna join mine, then speak to me.
Tell it like it is, then the winter
hell, I'm tired of taking the fall

these lines defiantely have some very good merit. eric, my buddy DOES have a s**t list. i'm going to make him a 9 pound sledge hammer that has 's**t LIST" engraved on both sides of hte heads. he laughed his a** off when he heard that. Everything you said here sounded like something he said on his last few leaves.

the next few lines, now that i have a really good and solid 'focus' for my own opinion and 'vicarious' exerpierience reagarding this work just fall into line. the first 'stanza' is superbly written, if it didn't capture the emotions and feelings of a large group, it definately paints my friend eric to a freakin T.

The last stanza however broke from taht attitude, and brought my 'minds eye' back home again. the flow is killer, while the content is as such to make your mind REALLY think about what you're actually saying. *chuckles* needless t oday at 9 am, thats slightly difficult to do *has a lazy mind after all*

~~Vinn

[The last Decepticon]

Thank you for the crit.