Post your favorite line in your novel so far.

[Elfus Arianteus]

Here's mine:


She felt nervous suddenly when the wood creaked. Here she was, sitting on dead wood, in front of a live, talking tree-creature. “This must offend you.” She said quietly.
“What does? Oh, the wood? True, it might disturb a human if it saw a bench made out of femurs that were painted with cheerful flower patterns. ..."

[Destrius]

Her shirt quickly gave way to the man's savage, relentless attacks. From within the remains of tattered cloth, her chest burst forth as if the gates of Hell had been violently thrown open and released legions of lust demons.

<MainCharacterYetToBeNamed> knew her time had come. She would not be so fortunate as to escape his demonic grasp with her purity intact. Just as this vile creature had ravaged her homeland, he prepared to ravage her body, mind, and soul as well. The icy, soulless stare which had left chills down her spine was only intensified by his close proximity. The same man who had penetrated her soul with a lifetime of sins was moments away from doing the same to her body.

[Smextacy]

Shouldn't it be either "She felt nervous all of a sudden" or "She suddenly felt nervous"?

[Master of Poisons Ryaz]

With another deep sigh, I snatched another piece of that cherry licorice that cheers me up and stood. "Let's get this over with, sling me up for now and we'll get the x-ray later. I need to cheer up first. Time to scare some trainees."

If this doesn't make sense, I'll let you read what I have up on my NaNo page.

[lKing of Spades]

Kane crept up silently under the cover of the shadows,
and as he got closer to that girl he slowly prepared,
and when she finally turned around...he superman-ed that ho.



jk

[Feriku]

His enemies called him the implacable man.
His subjects called him the undying prince.
His friends called him Prince Dante, second in line to the throne, or at least they had once. Now, friends were few and far between, one of the many casualties of the wars he always seemed to be the hero of.

[X-Yami-no-Ko-X]

I'm the devout. Praying just to get the blood out. Bound by this flesh I own.


A sigh escaped his lips as the dream replayed in his mind. It was the same nightmare every night. Never letting him forget the day his wife was kidnapped. Reminding him that he had been powerless to stop whoever it had been from taking her.


I'm the devout. Cutting just to get the blood out. Desecrate 'til we die alone.

[Elfus Arianteus]

Smextacy

Shouldn't it be either "She felt nervous all of a sudden" or "She suddenly felt nervous"?

This is just a rough draft. I'll care about editing when the first part is complete.

[Smextacy]

Elfus Arianteus

Smextacy

Shouldn't it be either "She felt nervous all of a sudden" or "She suddenly felt nervous"?

This is just a rough draft. I'll care about editing when the first part is complete.

I know but I'm just saying if it's a topic based around a strong sentence then I thought it should be grammatically correct, idk. It's all good c:

[s o f t e r s t a r]

My favorite part, personally, so far.

""You're a demon!" One of the woman cried bravely. A few of the others nodded in agreement. The woman chucked the garlic in her hand. "Die!" She cried. The garlic flew extremely fast, and Sitsu threw himself at the ground, shocked by not only the mere strength the woman had, but the stupidity too -- who in the world throws a garlic at your head?!

"What the HELL, lady?!" Sitsu cried, brushing the dirt of his torso rather roughly. "I'm not some ******** vampire!" He paused a moment, and then sighed. "Nor am I some terrorist working with ghosts to help cause all the creepy s**t happening right now,""

[Elysion Dawning]

I'm not much for Firefly, but my MC just begged for this line....

Quote:

“Ma’am, that may not be a good idea...ma’am, this girl is freaking River Tam. For all we know, that might include the loopiness and the whole ‘I-can-kill-you-with-my-brain’ bit!”

“I do not care if she’s Harry Potter, I’ll risk it. May I remind you that River Tam is a fictional character and was screwed with by some big scary Alliance?” There was a snort from the other side of the door.

[a porg]

Mine thusfar:

Devin was silent for a moment before deciding to speak. "You know, I really am sorry," he said calmly, trying to break the tension.

"For what?" Iris shot back in an unintentional cold tone. "For my best friend dying or the fact that you arrested me for punching you in the face?"

[Lady Vizsla]

It's quite interesting reading people's lines.

[Elfus Arianteus]

Smextacy

Elfus Arianteus

Smextacy

Shouldn't it be either "She felt nervous all of a sudden" or "She suddenly felt nervous"?

This is just a rough draft. I'll care about editing when the first part is complete.

I know but I'm just saying if it's a topic based around a strong sentence then I thought it should be grammatically correct, idk. It's all good c:

Technically my sentence -is- grammatically correct. It could just simply stand to be stronger for a novel. But like I said, this is just a rough draft. I'll care about editing later. The proper assembly line for a story is to plan out and brainstorm your ideas, then write a rough draft. During the rough draft it is acceptable to be relaxed about your writing style. This is because later on you will be proofreading and editing. This is when you look for sentences that could stand to be stronger and when you look for grammatical errors. In the English language it is acceptable to have 'suddenly' at the position it's in. Grammatically, it is correct. That said, the two examples you gave are stronger versions of that sentence. Later during the editing process I will evaluate this sentence among so many more in my story and choose to make them stronger. But for now, what I give is the rough draft version. Chances are, many people here are doing the same. Also during the editing process, I will fix technical errors such as spelling and punctuation.


A quote I once heard: Write with your heart, edit with your mind.


Also, I never said anything about a strong sentence. I just said a favorite sentence.

[Elfus Arianteus]

Kim Haruko

It's quite interesting reading people's lines.

Agreed! It's like sampling their stories!


Some of these are quite strong while others have a dash of humor in them. I like them.