Do You Think My Story Line is Good?

[The-Bunny_Chan]

A 14-year-old girl who has had schizo since she was 6, Angela, living with her mother, father, and older brother, Luke. Her family members each take turns working, because at least one of them has to be with Angela at all times. They notice her hallucinations becoming more vivid and frequent, so they take her to their doctor. On the way to the doctor, they get in a car accident, and the mother and father die, leaving Angela with only her older brother to take care of her. Angela is put in an asylum, and Luke works every night to pay bills. Angela is prescribed a new medication, and she no longer has hallucinations anymore. After a few months, Luke commits suicide, as he can no longer handle the pressure of supporting his mentally invalid little sister. Not long after that, Angela's hallucinations return. Terrified, she overdoses on her medicine, and dies.

How is it?

[LiaThistle]

Aside from the extremely unusual age at which the character develops schizophrenia (it doesn't typically onset until 14+), there's more than a few medications for the disease, making the plot a bit of a stretch. In the experience of someone I know, it is generally harder to ensure the person consistently takes the pills than it is to suppress the worst of the symptoms with said pills.

Institutionalization is also fairly rare after the 1950s; when does this take place?

Do you know someone who suffers from this? Have you talked to them if you do? That might help some.

[Vlll]

Aside from obvious medical differences, it sounds pretty good if it was written the right way, as with every other storyline. As long as you write it well and without cliche, it should be pretty snazzy.

[The-Bunny_Chan]

LiaThistle

Aside from the extremely unusual age at which the character develops schizophrenia (it doesn't typically onset until 14+), there's more than a few medications for the disease, making the plot a bit of a stretch. In the experience of someone I know, it is generally harder to ensure the person consistently takes the pills than it is to suppress the worst of the symptoms with said pills.

Institutionalization is also fairly rare after the 1950s; when does this take place?

Do you know someone who suffers from this? Have you talked to them if you do? That might help some.

One of the main points of the story is that her case is very unusual, because she was so young. As for the medication, I believe it'll be a clinical trial. I'm still working out the kinks. My character has her brother and hospital staff to ensure she takes the medicine. It was a choice of poor wording on my part when I said asylum, I just couldn't think of the word at that moment. She will be living in a mental hospital. I do not know anyone who suffers from this, but I am researching it as best as I can, and trying to capture all the aspects. Thank you for your critiquing

[XxPureHappyxX]

It's pretty good, because no one would expect Luke to commit suicide and for Angela's hallucinations to come back. It all comes down to how you write it, though. biggrin

[victoriaryan]

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Is it loosely based on the little girl with Schizophrenia that was on Oprah? haha.

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[LiaThistle]

The-Bunny_Chan

LiaThistle

Aside from the extremely unusual age at which the character develops schizophrenia (it doesn't typically onset until 14+), there's more than a few medications for the disease, making the plot a bit of a stretch. In the experience of someone I know, it is generally harder to ensure the person consistently takes the pills than it is to suppress the worst of the symptoms with said pills.

Institutionalization is also fairly rare after the 1950s; when does this take place?

Do you know someone who suffers from this? Have you talked to them if you do? That might help some.

One of the main points of the story is that her case is very unusual, because she was so young. As for the medication, I believe it'll be a clinical trial. I'm still working out the kinks. My character has her brother and hospital staff to ensure she takes the medicine. It was a choice of poor wording on my part when I said asylum, I just couldn't think of the word at that moment. She will be living in a mental hospital. I do not know anyone who suffers from this, but I am researching it as best as I can, and trying to capture all the aspects. Thank you for your critiquing

I was hoping you'd be spinning it as an unusual case.

A mental hospital and an asylum aren't all that different; most of what has changed is the treatment of the patients and the acceptance that they are as human as the rest of us. The word "asylum" was dropped mostly due to stigmatization.

[The-Bunny_Chan]

saIt and burn

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Is it loosely based on the little girl with Schizophrenia that was on Oprah? haha.

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I've never watched Oprah before, so no, it is not

[Wild Magic User 16]

It is rather interesting but I agree with it all depends on how you write it.