Keeping old friends as a Trans* person

[well murr]

I know you are asking for responses from trans people, but I have a friend that I knew for two years before he transitioned. I knew him by his birth name, gender, and lifestyle. I saw him struggle to keep close to people that had a hard time adjusting to who he was and the entire transition process. It's been over 7 years since then and he has fully transitioned and moved forward with his life. He still has several of his childhood friends, as well as a few friends, myself included, that he met before transitioning. I think that the most important thing to keep in mind is that sometimes people around you need time to adjust to the situation. Even if they don't understand or full accept it right away it doesn't mean that they aren't willing to. I've seen a lot of people expect instant acceptance or instant understanding. It is important for them to respect your wishes and allow you to be who you really are, but it still takes them time to fully understand the process. They haven't lived with the problem of being in the wrong body and they don't always know how to react to it. Just be mindful that struggling with the process doesn't mean that they don't or won't accept you fully.

[MarigoldMari]

All people I still knew when I started the process to try to transition just never could get that I prefer male pronouns. They still don't. But now I don't know any of them and I'd say I'm better for it. The less people calling me by the wrong pronouns the better, I guess, for my self esteem. The worst part is, they weren't even doing it maliciously, they just slipped and slipped and slipped and I couldn't handle it anymore. It said to me that they were still seeing me as female regardless of what I said or did.

[Amethyst Kisses]

im not trans, but I have a friend that is. he started out as a she, and now is a he. Im still friends with him, and I talk to him about stuff a lot. however if someone doesn't like you anymore for changing, then I believe they wouldn't have been a good friend to begin with anyways.

just my opinion.

[SleepyBojazzles]

I'm not trans, I think I'm genderfluid though...
But!
One of my best friends is. biggrin
He only recently figured it out about a year or so ago. He has a name and clothes and everything! It makes me happy to see he's finally figured himself out.
Sadly, his parents are s**t. They're super religious and his dad is a ******** a*****e about being trans. He's about my age, so it's gonna be some years till he can leave on his own.
What makes things even worse is that he moved states away from me, so we barely talk anymore cause he's always busy or not online on skype. sad
He had shitty people harassing him in his old school before he got into highschool, but when he entered it was like someone had sprinkled magic dust on everything and now he has tons of friends. I really hope things go his way; It seems like an incredibly difficult process...

[Vardoger]

I think it depends on what you want for yourself and your transition.

In all situations, there are people who can adapt and there are people who won't/can't. There are people who adapt quickly and then there are people who need a really long time to adapt (I'm talking years). There are some people who will not gender/treat you correct until you reach one of their mental checklists like "passes 100% of the time" or even "has had all the surgery."

It's up to you whether you want to stay friends with these people or not.

But there's also the consideration of if you want to be stealth. Stealth is when you want to transition and want NOBODY to know you are/were trans. You don't want it ever brought up and you just want to forget the pre-transition part of your life.

That is me. Online I don't care as much, but offline I avoid it all like the plague. For me, I just could not stay around people who knew me pre-transition. I moved halfway across the globe so I could start over. Through pure coincidence, I am living with someone who knew me pre-transition, but he's never told anyone. So he is the only person who knows, and it works out I guess since I live with him.

Even though he knows, I still do not want to talk about it ever. And since I pass and my transition has been over for like 2 years now, he often forgets I was ever not what gender I am now. So it works out for me.

I do have some other friends I keep up with online (since I moved so far away). I think there may be a future for us if I ever move back. I think a big time away so they can forget what I was like will help. But I think that sticking around all those people while it's all happening is just inviting my secret to get told, accidentally or not. And that's something I absolutely do not want.

But for a lot of people, the whole transition thing and the fact that they were/are trans is part of their identity, and they could never ever hide it. So to them, I suppose they wouldn't have to worry so much about what the people around them say.

[darkabyssx]

nope. All my friends were totally cool. No distancing whatsoever. Then again I've always made hella rad friends. I do have trouble making new friends though, since coming out is a real pain and people always assume i'm a girl.

[Jason0690]

All I can say is, please give us a few chances to ******** up.
I say this because of the similarity is gendering my brother's mate because they were introduced to me as a "he".
Takes a while to break a habit like that.

[Glasya]

I'm not trans, but I have had friends come out as, and I always make it a point to ask what pronouns/names they'd prefer to be called, and say that I support their decision. from their ball's in their court. One has grown distant, and found another group of friends to hang with, another I just chatted with yesterday at Walmart while buying paint.

[pleep ploop]

well murr

I know you are asking for responses from trans people, but I have a friend that I knew for two years before he transitioned. I knew him by his birth name, gender, and lifestyle. I saw him struggle to keep close to people that had a hard time adjusting to who he was and the entire transition process. It's been over 7 years since then and he has fully transitioned and moved forward with his life. He still has several of his childhood friends, as well as a few friends, myself included, that he met before transitioning. I think that the most important thing to keep in mind is that sometimes people around you need time to adjust to the situation. Even if they don't understand or full accept it right away it doesn't mean that they aren't willing to. I've seen a lot of people expect instant acceptance or instant understanding. It is important for them to respect your wishes and allow you to be who you really are, but it still takes them time to fully understand the process. They haven't lived with the problem of being in the wrong body and they don't always know how to react to it. Just be mindful that struggling with the process doesn't mean that they don't or won't accept you fully.

this post made me sad

because I stopped talking to my best friend, or they stopped talking to me - i don't really remember how it went down - but we went separate ways, but they went full on tumblr before tumblr even existed

and I went down the obnoxious edgy path which is also a fruitless endeavor and all of it was pointless

[well murr]

appeI

well murr

I know you are asking for responses from trans people, but I have a friend that I knew for two years before he transitioned. I knew him by his birth name, gender, and lifestyle. I saw him struggle to keep close to people that had a hard time adjusting to who he was and the entire transition process. It's been over 7 years since then and he has fully transitioned and moved forward with his life. He still has several of his childhood friends, as well as a few friends, myself included, that he met before transitioning. I think that the most important thing to keep in mind is that sometimes people around you need time to adjust to the situation. Even if they don't understand or full accept it right away it doesn't mean that they aren't willing to. I've seen a lot of people expect instant acceptance or instant understanding. It is important for them to respect your wishes and allow you to be who you really are, but it still takes them time to fully understand the process. They haven't lived with the problem of being in the wrong body and they don't always know how to react to it. Just be mindful that struggling with the process doesn't mean that they don't or won't accept you fully.

this post made me sad

because I stopped talking to my best friend, or they stopped talking to me - i don't really remember how it went down - but we went separate ways, but they went full on tumblr before tumblr even existed

and I went down the obnoxious edgy path which is also a fruitless endeavor and all of it was pointless

I'm sorry to hear that. Did you try reconnecting with them? Maybe now that you are both "older and wiser" things will be different?