Worked up over a friend

[TasteofEnvy]

It's been bugging me since they started dating back in mid-Juanuary:
She lies to him and only gets caught when she changes her story.
She spends the night at her ex's in the SAME bed. If he gets upset, she accuses him of being controlling
She has a LARGE history of cheating.
She refuses to smile in any pictures with him; always making a dumbass duck face. In her other pics though, with other ppl, she's smiling. I heard making faces like that is sometimes a nervous twitch for when someone is uncomfy.
She always wants to eat out, even when my friend can't afford to. She'll insist that she pay, but when it comes to the check/bill later she bitches how she pays for everything.
She picks on his insecurities and depression... and not in the cute-couple-haha-way either.
She refuses to ever hang out with his friends with him. It's either her friends or no one. When she's around us, she ignores us or talks down to us.
She's got him on a leash. (obviously not a literal one)

I'm highly convinced she's using him and that she's not actually happy with him. He listens to her. He gets her what she wants.

He forgets all the times she hurts him or lies to him because he's "in love". He's always been the type to fall in love too easily. But he's also a guy who, as soon as a girl has sex with him, thinks that girl is his soul mate.

All of his friends don't trust her. All of his friends don't like her. We've all talked about it. However, I'm the only one that ever had the balls to tell him. So now, for the past few months, he hasn't "been my friend".

But of course, I'm the loser that still cares. I know I shouldn't care. But I do. I just can't believe it's lasted this long.

Is it bad of me that I want it to end soon? Is it bad that I want it to end horribly? Is it bad that I want him to come crawling back to me to tell me I was right and hear him apologize for not listening to me?

I'm a horrible person.

Note: I'm not "jealous" or have "secret feelings" for my friend. We've been through a lot together, but I'm happily with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years.

[kauma16]

You should continue to convince him that that girl is a bad influence for him.
You're not a bad person for wanting that, if he's not listening to you and or anyone when you say she's not a good girlfriend for him. Then he's expecting a bad outcome in the end.

[TasteofEnvy]

kauma16

You should continue to convince him that that girl is a bad influence for him.
You're not a bad person for wanting that, if he's not listening to you and or anyone when you say she's not a good girlfriend for him. Then he's expecting a bad outcome in the end.

but it's gotten to the point where he doesn't even talk to me anymore. the most i get is a "hi"
he ignores me when i try talking to him.

[kauma16]

Heartless_Angel_in_me

kauma16

You should continue to convince him that that girl is a bad influence for him.
You're not a bad person for wanting that, if he's not listening to you and or anyone when you say she's not a good girlfriend for him. Then he's expecting a bad outcome in the end.

but it's gotten to the point where he doesn't even talk to me anymore. the most i get is a "hi"
he ignores me when i try talking to him.

It's sad that it sounds like you're losing a friend over someone like her. :/
I would suggest A) let the relationship run it's course, and maybe he'll realize what's happening in his relationship. B) Wait until the girl does something to him that's unacceptable and call her out on it.
I'm assuming you've tried talking to him that she's been using him?

[TasteofEnvy]

kauma16

Heartless_Angel_in_me

kauma16

You should continue to convince him that that girl is a bad influence for him.
You're not a bad person for wanting that, if he's not listening to you and or anyone when you say she's not a good girlfriend for him. Then he's expecting a bad outcome in the end.

but it's gotten to the point where he doesn't even talk to me anymore. the most i get is a "hi"
he ignores me when i try talking to him.

It's sad that it sounds like you're losing a friend over someone like her. :/
I would suggest A) let the relationship run it's course, and maybe he'll realize what's happening in his relationship. B) Wait until the girl does something to him that's unacceptable and call her out on it.
I'm assuming you've tried talking to him that she's been using him?

i've already tried b. he accepts it and then says "well she'll change". so far she hasn't.
and i never said "she's using you", i just point out all the fishy stuff and how, psychologically, people never change unless it benefits them.

[kauma16]

Heartless_Angel_in_me

kauma16

Heartless_Angel_in_me

kauma16

You should continue to convince him that that girl is a bad influence for him.
You're not a bad person for wanting that, if he's not listening to you and or anyone when you say she's not a good girlfriend for him. Then he's expecting a bad outcome in the end.

but it's gotten to the point where he doesn't even talk to me anymore. the most i get is a "hi"
he ignores me when i try talking to him.

It's sad that it sounds like you're losing a friend over someone like her. :/
I would suggest A) let the relationship run it's course, and maybe he'll realize what's happening in his relationship. B) Wait until the girl does something to him that's unacceptable and call her out on it.
I'm assuming you've tried talking to him that she's been using him?

i've already tried b. he accepts it and then says "well she'll change". so far she hasn't.
and i never said "she's using you", i just point out all the fishy stuff and how, psychologically, people never change unless it benefits them.

Ah... I see. :/ I'm guessing they've been dating for a few months?
Sometimes it's hard for a person to accept information about the person they're dating, because love blinds them.

[Vanilla Melody]

You need to try everything you can to convince him to leave her. She lowers his self esteem so that he feels she is doing him a favour by staying.
People like that are horrible to date and will always get worse in time. Trust me I had the same problem!

[Angeltear1716]

Well, while you're copping all of the crud about being a concerned friend, where are the rest of his friends who share the same opinion?
One opinion may mean nothing to him, but two? three? That might get the cogs whirring a bit and make him take a step back and re-evaluate everything. They need to stop being gutless and step up otherwise it's very likely he will be kept under her thumb for a long time and no one to go to when it does finally go to s**t.

[legnanellaf5]

You cant do anything here, and you need to support him not alienate him. Try crawling back to him and apologizing for messing the friendship up so he an have a proper support system. Then when he is willing to leave, you can actually be there FOR him instead of being smug.

[TasteofEnvy]

Angeltear1716

Well, while you're copping all of the crud about being a concerned friend, where are the rest of his friends who share the same opinion?
One opinion may mean nothing to him, but two? three? That might get the cogs whirring a bit and make him take a step back and re-evaluate everything. They need to stop being gutless and step up otherwise it's very likely he will be kept under her thumb for a long time and no one to go to when it does finally go to s**t.

7/8 of our friends are introverts and are too afraid to voice their opinion in fear of hurting others feelings.
the other 1/8 are me and my friend. another part of the 1/8 has a "does it matter as long as you're getting sex" attitude.

[TasteofEnvy]

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[Moogle Voodoo]

I say let him be miserable, let him learn this lesson the hard way