topic closed, thank you all for your help!

[just here for a q]

Ok so I turned 18 july 2nd. My bf wants me to move with him. He still lives with his parents and im living with mine. He doesnt have a job and neither do I. He wants me to move in with him ASAP and I don't mean 'once you're ready' I mean 'tomorrow or something.'

any time I show hesitance hes all 'you must not wanna be hear so much if X is keeping you.'

in this case its jobs and money and I think thats reasonable???

'we'll struggle but we'll struggle together and that will make it better' and idk together we have less than 1.5k between us and I want to go to college and stuff man

I dont know how to explain this to him

is it so weird??

[Unchained_Fenrir]

To me it sounds like he's trying to guilt trip you into moving in with him. Or it's starting to be emotional abuse. I think talking to him and voicing your concerns with him is number one in this situation. If I may do your parents know about this? Does his parents know about this? It's reasonable, to want a job before up and moving somewhere, especially if there are parents still in the household.

[x-MangoIceeT]

Leave him now. He's showing early signs of a possibly controlling and maybe abusive boyfriend. He's trying to guilt trip you into moving in with him and that's not good. If he truly loved you he would want to have his s**t together before rushing to move in with him. He'd understand that you aren't ready and would support your decision. Not try to guilt you and rush you into moving in with him.

[just here for a q]

Silver Death Okami Kyu

To me it sounds like he's trying to guilt trip you into moving in with him. Or it's starting to be emotional abuse. I think talking to him and voicing your concerns with him is number one in this situation. If I may do your parents know about this? Does his parents know about this? It's reasonable, to want a job before up and moving somewhere, especially if there are parents still in the household.

yeah mte about the guilt

every time i try to talk to him about it he srsly goes well what i posted earlier

either i dont wanna be with him, or 'we'll struggle but at least we'll be together'

idk how to make it more clear and he knows i hate my parents so if not those he talks about them and how i need to get out but they do help me with my studies and i appreciate that

my parents are against it, ofc, and i understand that. but his parents are fine with it?? idgi.

my bf does suffer from depression so i think theyre only for it cuz they want him to be happy

[PeachyPosterior]

⚓ This should be a serious red flag in your relationship.
He's trying to guilt trip you into moving out with him asap under no reasoning.
It doesn't sound like you have a bad home life, neither of you have jobs, you have college aspirations, whats the rush?
I suggest breaking up with him because if he's trying to guilt trip you on this you can bet he'll be doing it for a lot of other things as well.
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xxxxxx F R E E D O M is a fancy word for options

[just here for a q]

Stephnananana

⚓ This should be a serious red flag in your relationship.
He's trying to guilt trip you into moving out with him asap under no reasoning.
It doesn't sound like you have a bad home life, neither of you have jobs, you have college aspirations, whats the rush?
I suggest breaking up with him because if he's trying to guilt trip you on this you can bet he'll be doing it for a lot of other things as well.
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xxxxxx F R E E D O M is a fancy word for options

my parents are just really unreasonable sometimes

idk sometimes he's just really childish and bad about his emotions

sometimes he threatens to break up with me and this causes me a lot of distress and i originally let it go because, well, perhaps he has his reasons but later on he confessed to me he only did it to get a rise out of me and for attention and this really blew my gasket as this is the exact same behavior he complained of his ex doing

it was also confirmed recently when he broke up with me and my parents cut off my phone and internet as punishment for something, and i didn't reply to any texts/calls/IMS/etc. within a day of his proclamation of breaking up with me he was asking me to come back :/

he has a lot of bad habits and things that cause me emotional turmoil. as a child of abuse, i try to understand that sometimes i can be more sensitive than other people but some things just arent acceptable. whenever i bring them up he tells me he'll be better if i was there all the time to work on them and idk that doesn't sit right with me

i care about him a lot but he seems really emotionally unstable and just. i guess im beginning to get a little bitter. in his 'break-up' message i never read until a day or so later, he called me unhealthy and i dont really see that as fair to me. and the reason we 'broke up' is because i didn't want to go move out. and it was an entire s**t sauce with him saying stuff like 'i need a real woman' and im getting angry now lol. idk i don't even consider myself a woman, i'm still a kid who just turned 18

i mean i love him but im EIGHTEEN you know what i mean?? ive known him since i was 15 and a half and a part of me may also just be confusing love with attachment. i feel like moving in with someone ive been with for 2 years is rushing things a lot. like a lot a lot and im just beginning my life as a semi-adult.

i could try explaining this to him but i dont think he'd understand. we both suffer from depression though his is how mine used to be. he has this grand idea that me being there would alleviate it and thats also something that bothers me a lot cuz i dont wanna be with someone just cuz it'll make them not depressed if that makes sense? again, i tried bringing that up and he just goes 'well i dont have a lot to be happy about' and idk neither do i?? i don't have any friends (not 'i have fake friends', i literally have NO friends or fake ones), and my family is very dysfunctional. so i tried drawing and honestly it makes me a little happy i really love improving. i suggested a hobby of some sort and he just threw it out like 'some hobby isn't going to make me feel better' but i honestly don't think anything will make him feel better sometimes :/ he always feels like things have to go his way, even if other people tell him it's not a good idea, he'll keep railing for what he thinks is right.

idk he's really involved with me and when i was like 15 that was cool cuz i needed attention but i really want him to be active in things that DONT have to do with me and whenever i do that he takes it as like a slight or something. like, my drawing, he thought i took up drawing because i wanted to do anything other than look at him.

??????????

that makes ZERO sense and i told him that.

i think i might just suffer from really bad attachment because i dont get attention from anyone else. like, my parents will be nice to me sometimes but they're also really mean to me a lot of the time too, and i think i just found someone else to do that :/

im sorry if im unloading a lot on you lol i just really started to think about it

[PeachyPosterior]

just here for a q

⚓
All parents can be unreasonable. I don't know if yours are excessively so,
I am telling you right now, he's childish, he's bad news, and you would be best to break up.
I had a relationship where every other day I was being told he was breaking up with me. It was emotionally abusive, a rollercoaster of emotions and distressing beyond belief.

He himself is causing you distress. He's the unhealthy one, he's pinning things on you. He's the one who's trying to rush you, so of course you feel rushed.
Mental illness for actions are never an excuse, and he would do best to get therapy if he really wanted to better himself. You make perfect sense. It's one thing to love and support someone, it's an entirely different barrel of apples to litteraly be their rock and have them depndant on you. It's also extremly stressful and unhealthy.

Don't worry about it, this is a fourm meant for unloading.
It may or may not be an attachment issue on your end, but you're doing good, picking up hobbies and opening up to people. He's not, he's trying to drag you down and shove everyhing aside, half the time he's shoving you aside.
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xxxxxx F R E E D O M is a fancy word for options

[Stale Taste]

Struggling? Struggling isn't fun. Struggling is not be able to pay all your bills that you need to pay. Struggling is living paycheck to paycheck and not being able to cover everything you need. Struggling is a terrible to live.

Tell him to his horses because neither of you have begun working or pursuing what you really want in life.

[AfryChi]

The only one being unreasonable here is him. You're both living with your parents and are jobless. Wow, that does not sound like a solid living. On top of that, you want to go to school. If he really want's you two to live together he should get his a** moving and find a job (so should you). Granted, I don't know what's the job situation in your area, but you can always find something elsewhere. Once you both believe you're secure, you can consider renting a place together.

Honestly, just give it to him straight. Tell him you're not gonna live with him until the both of are economicaly secure and can afford a place together. If he doesn't understand, well, he's just being selfish.

Hope it work's out for you.

[Lashuri Chan]

ζɑʂɦʊɾȉ Ҁɦɑɳ

Hey if he threatens to break up with you again, let him. His' not only being unreasonable but he's being unrealistic. Struggling isn't fun even if you are in a relationship. It causes stress and tension and all that drama mess. It's best and ideal that you both work and ave money to move out and actually live together, not you move into his parents house with no job and giving them another mouth to feed. He's being stupid and selfish. You might as well end it or let him be the one to do it. If he's going to be this demanding now over something like this, oh boy just think what it would be like once you move in with him.

[Sith Faced]

Sounds logical to me. Neither of you has money coming in and if you are fine with your folks than I don't see the problem. Living together is a whole new realm in a relationship and can cause all sorts of new strains on the relationship.
He should understand and respect that this is the best decision for both of you. If you two live near eachother then I don't get how it really matters where you live anyway.

[just here for a q]

update:

i didnt wanna make a whole new thread so

i told him about my feelings and he thinks i want to go to college more than i want to be with him and that it says enough

idk i still wanna be with him but he's saying today or never again :/

everyone of his friends and anyone he talks to tells him im being unreasonable and dont actually want to be with him and im really confused

heres something he said that eally strikes me wrong:

[when we met] You were someone that didn't even care about living. and now you care about college enough to delay being with me.

????

is that really bad? he used to encourage me to want things :/
i told him about my concerns with money and he told me his friends and family are willing to help and idk that doesn't sit right with me, its not independent at alll

i dont know whats right or whats wrong

i felt really bad and i didnt want to break up so i agreed but i dont feel like ths is right either...

[the wolf girl]

just here for a q

update

If you want to go to college go to college. If he is trying to stop you from this then he isn't a good guy. And at this point in your life I think you should want to go to college or trade school over a guy. If the relationship is solid you taking classes or living in a dorm should not ruin it.

I would be concerned about his ultimatum. You have a right to decide what life you want and it's not being unreasonable to go somewhere with prospects instead of into a home where he lives with his parents and also has no job. That doesn't help either of you. It just burdens his parents.

Don't throw away opportunity for this guy. I've been with my husband for almost 5 years now and if he tried to ultimatum me like that there would be some harsh words involved. A relationship is about building a life TOGETHER. Compromise and good communication. Not ultimatums and guilt

[legnanellaf5]

Break up with him, he is pretty dumb and you dont need to deal with that s**t. Dont ever ruin your education for some guy.

[just here for a q]

the wolf girl

just here for a q

update

If you want to go to college go to college. If he is trying to stop you from this then he isn't a good guy. And at this point in your life I think you should want to go to college or trade school over a guy. If the relationship is solid you taking classes or living in a dorm should not ruin it.

I would be concerned about his ultimatum. You have a right to decide what life you want and it's not being unreasonable to go somewhere with prospects instead of into a home where he lives with his parents and also has no job. That doesn't help either of you. It just burdens his parents.

Don't throw away opportunity for this guy. I've been with my husband for almost 5 years now and if he tried to ultimatum me like that there would be some harsh words involved. A relationship is about building a life TOGETHER. Compromise and good communication. Not ultimatums and guilt

idk. he says im only thinking about myself and not thinking about what he wants and im being selfish but i dont feel selfish?

and right on cue, he told me ive done something really selfish. he thinks im messing up his life or putting his on hold and idk i dont get why me being there means he doesnt have a life :/

i feel like hes making some good points about not wanting to wait but he doesn't want me to visit or anything he wants me to live with him but he doesnt like

idk

i just dont feel any security in this and at this point i dont feel any security in his feelings for me either