sudden depression

[Missy Murderess]

White Chrysanthemum

Missy Murderess

White Chrysanthemum

Missy Murderess

well im not bad enough to need them u feel -and if im not super bad im p sure no one will take my symptoms seriously bc im a smart kid and theyll think im looking for attention or s/t. and besides, if i can maintain passing grades during a time where i basically couldnt function and brilliant ap scores even when i have dissociative episodes in the middle of the test, i should be able to muscle thru this and i feel even shittier bc i can't anymore.
like rn i have enough energy to talk to u and worry about my future so im like .5 a person and the rest of me is a void of sad, and when im really bad im literally not a person im a black hole of sad and i dont like not being able to function, and i dont like being reminded that i cant?? does that make sense?

Well, from what you've just told me alone, you're a remarkable person.

I kind of get it a little better now that you explained it, though. Do you mean to say you're worried over being labeled? Like... you're worried about the stigma of being diagnosed with something?

definitely, i mean i already have gad and if i get a permanent (non-tentative ie. not a generalized or nos diagnosis) anything i wanna do w/ my life is kind of not an option and then theres really no point to living so i want to avoid that as much as possible.

That's a tough space to be in, then. I get why you're concerned.

But putting the issues of profession aside for the moment, since you're a smart person who is able to get things done and function even when you're feeling this way, wouldn't you be able to get even more done if you could manage these moods better? If you could figure a way to curb the depression, imagine what else you could get done, and how much better you'd feel for doing it.

yeah tru v true and im just angry bc like of all the shitty bullshit to happen why did it have to so badly impact my education [frustrated sigh].
so idk i have an appt the 24th for (another) crisis intake but i guess ill go.

[White Chrysanthemum]

Missy Murderess

White Chrysanthemum

Missy Murderess

White Chrysanthemum

Missy Murderess

well im not bad enough to need them u feel -and if im not super bad im p sure no one will take my symptoms seriously bc im a smart kid and theyll think im looking for attention or s/t. and besides, if i can maintain passing grades during a time where i basically couldnt function and brilliant ap scores even when i have dissociative episodes in the middle of the test, i should be able to muscle thru this and i feel even shittier bc i can't anymore.
like rn i have enough energy to talk to u and worry about my future so im like .5 a person and the rest of me is a void of sad, and when im really bad im literally not a person im a black hole of sad and i dont like not being able to function, and i dont like being reminded that i cant?? does that make sense?

Well, from what you've just told me alone, you're a remarkable person.

I kind of get it a little better now that you explained it, though. Do you mean to say you're worried over being labeled? Like... you're worried about the stigma of being diagnosed with something?

definitely, i mean i already have gad and if i get a permanent (non-tentative ie. not a generalized or nos diagnosis) anything i wanna do w/ my life is kind of not an option and then theres really no point to living so i want to avoid that as much as possible.

That's a tough space to be in, then. I get why you're concerned.

But putting the issues of profession aside for the moment, since you're a smart person who is able to get things done and function even when you're feeling this way, wouldn't you be able to get even more done if you could manage these moods better? If you could figure a way to curb the depression, imagine what else you could get done, and how much better you'd feel for doing it.

yeah tru v true and im just angry bc like of all the shitty bullshit to happen why did it have to so badly impact my education [frustrated sigh].
so idk i have an appt the 24th for (another) crisis intake but i guess ill go.

Sometimes life deals us really shitty hands I guess? But yeah, that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. You're right to be frustrated. Still, I hope things change for the better for you.

[Missy Murderess]

thanks for talking to me u guys, i dunno i got super scared bc the feelings i was having 4 hrs ago to abt now felt exactly like the episode i had a week ago and i was scared that it was starting all over again, so thanks for making me feel better (pls continue talking btw)

[Illegible Dreamer]

Missy Murderess

thank u. its just very hard for me to see this as a problem. when im good im great, like oh my god i can do anything and i actually have hope and s**t, and so bc my depressions not permanent im kind of just going "well i can wait it out right?" but i have ap tests in 3 weeks and i havent studied bc i dont have any motivation and ive missed 2 weeks of school bc of depression/anxiety issues and that makes me feel like even more of a failure and it just sucks so hard because it takes several weeks to even be triaged and examined to try to get an appointment w/ a psychiatrist in like a couple more weeks and i need help /now/ so i can pass my exams but im too tired to care and jfc this sucks

I know the feeling, I think seeing it as something that needs dealing with is a better thing. I don't see how I am as a problem (Although it can become one)

I understand completely, I was at my worse last year and right before exams I just snapped, stopped going to class, stopped working, didn't get out of bed unless forced. I tried to sit my exams, I made it through 3 of them before I couldn't take it any more.

It took me six months to get any help and my experience with the help I got was not exactly the best. So I decided to go it alone and it is working for me, I just had to be very honest with my mother about how I was feeling and it really helped.

You are not a failure though, try your best not to think that way. You are obviously a very smart person and I think that stressing yourself out even more by thinking you are a failure won't help. Maybe just talking out how you are feeling will help a little, everyone is different and it is hard to work out what works for you.

For me finding someone who I could spill my guts to and have them there for me helped a lot. It will get better though, don't put any more stress on yourself than you need to. If you parent's are not aware of how bad you have been feeling make sure you at least try to tell them. It will make life a million times easier.

I know it sucks but try to keep your chin up.

[MEGlTSUNE]

You should definitely look into seeking help, counselling or otherwise. Because while past episodes have come to an end, they seem to be rather unpredictable in when they occur and also their severity. While it's a bit of a scary thought, if an episode is very severe and occurs out of nowhere, the possibility of you attempting something drastic (ie self harm, suicide,) is there. I definitely think you should seek out some sort of preventative measure, though I'm sorry I can not think of many specific examples apart from counselling.

Medications are very expensive, and I"m not sure where you live, so I am not sure what your options in obtaining a medical card (not marijuana, like uhh welfare kind of but for meds? I don't know what it's actually called)

[Missy Murderess]

Illegible Dreamer

Missy Murderess

thank u. its just very hard for me to see this as a problem. when im good im great, like oh my god i can do anything and i actually have hope and s**t, and so bc my depressions not permanent im kind of just going "well i can wait it out right?" but i have ap tests in 3 weeks and i havent studied bc i dont have any motivation and ive missed 2 weeks of school bc of depression/anxiety issues and that makes me feel like even more of a failure and it just sucks so hard because it takes several weeks to even be triaged and examined to try to get an appointment w/ a psychiatrist in like a couple more weeks and i need help /now/ so i can pass my exams but im too tired to care and jfc this sucks

I know the feeling, I think seeing it as something that needs dealing with is a better thing. I don't see how I am as a problem (Although it can become one)

I understand completely, I was at my worse last year and right before exams I just snapped, stopped going to class, stopped working, didn't get out of bed unless forced. I tried to sit my exams, I made it through 3 of them before I couldn't take it any more.

It took me six months to get any help and my experience with the help I got was not exactly the best. So I decided to go it alone and it is working for me, I just had to be very honest with my mother about how I was feeling and it really helped.

You are not a failure though, try your best not to think that way. You are obviously a very smart person and I think that stressing yourself out even more by thinking you are a failure won't help. Maybe just talking out how you are feeling will help a little, everyone is different and it is hard to work out what works for you.

For me finding someone who I could spill my guts to and have them there for me helped a lot. It will get better though, don't put any more stress on yourself than you need to. If you parent's are not aware of how bad you have been feeling make sure you at least try to tell them. It will make life a million times easier.

I know it sucks but try to keep your chin up.
thx. i just wish i could keep being smart u know. its kind of like one of the few things i like about myself -i can teach myself things if other people cant, stuff like that so im really good at being pragmatic and functional and resourceful and then to suddenly not be able to get out of bed is just really horrifying. and then because i want to go into the air force academy i have to take care of this all on my own as off the record as possible, and that's so unfair to ask.
bc idk, like, as a person in terms of my ideals and abilities i feel like i'd be such a good fit w/ the military, esp working with space systems bc i genuinely believe in it, i have the grades, i work well with other people, i have like 2 generations of soldiers in my family (one naval academy grad) etc. and it just seems very...unfair (again) that because of whatever's going on w/ me now, i might not be able to do that and i kind of feel like a giant waste of potential. [sighs]

[Illegible Dreamer]

Missy Murderess

thx. i just wish i could keep being smart u know. its kind of like one of the few things i like about myself -i can teach myself things if other people cant, stuff like that so im really good at being pragmatic and functional and resourceful and then to suddenly not be able to get out of bed is just really horrifying. and then because i want to go into the air force academy i have to take care of this all on my own as off the record as possible, and that's so unfair to ask.
bc idk, like, as a person in terms of my ideals and abilities i feel like i'd be such a good fit w/ the military, esp working with space systems bc i genuinely believe in it, i have the grades, i work well with other people, i have like 2 generations of soldiers in my family (one naval academy grad) etc. and it just seems very...unfair (again) that because of whatever's going on w/ me now, i might not be able to do that and i kind of feel like a giant waste of potential. [sighs]

It must be terrifying to be faced with something that is completely opposite to how you are used to thinking. Something that in a way takes away what you feel you are. But you will always be smart and you are a much smarter person for wanting to sort it out and not ignoring it,

It is really unfair that you have to sneak around to try and make yourself function so that you can get the job you want. For now though I would suggest taking it a few days at a time and working towards passing your exam coming up. Think small for a little while so that it doesn't all feel so overwhelming.

No matter what happens you won't waste the potential that you obviously have, if worst comes to worse you might have to redirect your potential but you are not there yet and I doubt you will be any time soon.

As hard as it is you really have got to try and stay positive. And as much as I hate myself for saying that because I hate it being said to me because it is not that easy you really have got to try.

[Missy Murderess]

yoo any other ideas on whether or not things like thoughts can trigger depressive episodes?

[Zenbonzakura_21]

I always have those thoughts but my mother became my excuse for me not to kill myself

damn it smile

[PlusSizeGinger]

i get sudden depression too. i can have "x" amount of good days then just have a day where i crash hard, to the point i cant awake from my slumber or that im in physical pain. and it usually takes me a day or two to recouperate. thats when im unmedicated. i highlh suggest going to the dr or to a local heath center if you cant afford to. most health departments will offer you free mental health sevices if you qualify.