So here's how it goes.

[Charlie Torch]

Its been too long that I havent been in a relationship, to be honest, none of my relationships with girls have ever been too serious. I mean, once I stayed with a girl for a month or so and she was such a b***h....

Anyway... I think to myself every few nights or so... and I think "who am I kidding...I have nothing ahead of me in this life"...I think it and when I think about it long enough it sort of tends to sound more and more true.

I've become an alcohalic since months ago... I mean, I was a booze hound before, but this year was the worst, I always drink alone and for a few minutes it DOES tend to male all the sadness go away but it all comes back and I get angry.

Sometimes I would simply get angrier and angrier by the second, I'd bite myself or once or twice I started banging my head against a wall (Held the hair on the back of my head and just started smashing my head into the wall).

I see all the other people, all the other happy couples out there on the street and I get so jealous. I feel like I'm just left out. I feel like I dont even belong in this world, which I probably dont, its a long story but it involves basicly how my parents got to know eachother.

So what do I do? I hurt myself, I drink, but sometimes in my best cases I would cry for about 20 mins and then go to sleep for about 2 hours.

But now its gotten to a point where I just dont want to even try, I just pretty much gave up. I've had enough. I really have, I've had suicidal thoughts for the past two months...I'm always just too scared to kill myself, I'll admit to that... its the fact that I just know once I die, I'll just cease to exist. When I do die, everyone else will go on with their lives, I think of everyone else who knows me and I know that they'll all just move on and they'll forget of course, and even though I know its normal for a human to do that...I justget infuriated, I look at how lucky the rest of them will be, not just people I know, not just them....but mostly other people....strangers. People I dont know at all. I know that they'll all just keep living and find they're happiness and live a lucky and fun life and I'll be dead...thats what was going through my head as I had those scissors against my throat (big scissors). I just dropped them and just punched the floor with full force...I hurt my hand.

I just dont get it anymore, I already know my life is pointless and I have a good feling I'll never be happy....EVER. So what do I plan on doing? I really dont know...I really dont. I just wander around wanting to die but being to afraid and too envious of everyone else and what luck they'll encounter after I die... I simply drift around...its all I really do.

I wish I could ask for advise....but no one has really said anything useful "get on medication", "stop thinking about it so much"...those were just about the only things I ever really heard from anyone... I ******** hate meds and I dont want to ******** take medication because it'll just make things worse, and then there's the whole "stop thinking about it"....thanks to whoever said that....it hasnt been helpful in any way...

I really just want to find some happiness and live my life and regret nothing and have what I want... right now...I think about it...and I get the feeling that just isnt going to happen....

[OMG No u didnt]

And what do you expect? You want someone to walk up to you and say, "Hello, babe, I'm your soulmate, let's get married. 4laugh heart "? It's not gonna happen. You need to get out and find someone.

And yeah, if you think there is not gonna be happiness for you in the future, there isn't gonna be any. So get out and make your life what you want it to be, 'cause no one else is gonna do it for you. Do something that you like. Forget about killing yourself and just... live. 3nodding

[my-unseen-tears]

you need a friend. i'll be your friend. of course, physical friends are always better than cyber friends. but i'll do my best!
i just don't know what to say to you. i mean, most of the people that i tell about God to, they get mad at me. i guess i can't relly blame them, but when all someone wants to do is help and they get mad at you it kinda hurts, you know? oh, great, now i'm turning this into my life issue. i'm sorry. if you want to, i'll be your gaian friend! biggrin

[Terrifyingly twisted...]

a diferent kind of medication is a therapist. i personally know that it helps with depression, it won't fully heal you but it'll take your mind off of it. now for the realtionship thing, get out more meet new people and socialize there really is no other way to meet anyone, unless you answer a personal add they can do the trick to.

[Ryosakai]

I guess:
That's how life is. You can't expect happyness to slap you in the face every day of your life. If you want to have a good life, make your life good. Do exiting things, meet new people, and try to keep being yourself.

[SkARD]

Maybe it may make you feel better if You could compare to me somewhat. I've never had a relationship with anyone. Isn't that worse?
~You have to be strong. Life isn't all about relationship.
~I bet your great at other things. Figure out what and stick by it. Your not worthless.

~#We live once and only once. But if we live it right... Once is enough. Don't give up, be yourself, be happy and live life the fullest ^_^

~I wish you good luck on your future...

[Noriko-Sa]

First of all, not too many chicks are crazy for those who drink alcohol so try to end that. Second, start a relationship by going to a girl you think you may like, take a chance, and ask her out.

And to meet new people, start a conversation! Not many people will start them first so sometimes you have to be the first one.

[Yukana Kyoda]

If you want a good relationship first STOP drinking! Second find a girl that you like that likes you, a girl you have alot of things in common with.

[yayaWOO]

You sound like you need a nice sleep ^_^

[Candieness]

Your main problem is drinking. Go to the AA and get help.

Then... you need to go out and meet some girls. Your soulmate whom you will be married to for the rest of your life isn't just going to ask you out and you will get married. It's destiny.