Firarosa
(?)Community Member
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- Posted: Mon, 28 Jul 2014 05:41:45 +0000
well, because of my father.
This might turn out to be long, I'm really sorry. Big thank you if you take the time to read all of it.
Let me start from the beginning. My father had left when I was a baby, and never saw him again, nor ever really knew who my father was (my mom had men coming and going all the time as I was growing up, and refused to tell me who my dad was) until I was about 11. I don't know how, but he had come back into my life, for a few months on and off. until one day, he left, promising to come back soon. I was excited, I couldn't wait to see him again. I counted down the days until he would come back. He never came. After that, I never saw him again until I was about 20.
Since then, he's been in my life on and off, randomly coming and going. At the beginning, I would see him once, maybe twice a month. Until I had to go up north to stay with my aunt and uncle for a few months, due to some family issues. I was up north from july until december. I had some money saved up from a job I had, so when I got back to the city, I moved in with some friends. Saw my father in the February after. At this point I was about to become homeless, because due to the awful job economy in the city, I wasn't able to find a job in those 2 months, I was paying half the rent for the time I was living there (there were 3 of us, I was paying half. tell me how that was fair) as well as me lending my roommates some money for cigarette's and pot. (I know, BIG mistake on my part. they promised to pay me back, they never did.) once I ran out of money, my roommates ended the lease, and gave me 2 weeks to get out. My father had offered me a place to live, a few hours away, until I could get back on my feet, which I reluctantly agreed to. When these 2 weeks were just about up, he changed his mind, gave some sort of bullshit excuse, and left me not knowing what to do. Well, my other aunt and uncle then offered for me to move in with them, but I had to give up my cats (which to this day, I still heavily regret and miss them terribly). Well I moved in with them, immediately began job hunting, which every job out of hundreds actually called and said they declined my resume. Well that's just lovely. During this time, my dad had sent me a birthday gift, but I hadn't actually heard from him.
Once my time with my aunt and uncle came to a stop, my now fiance, who lived a couple hours away, took me in. Now, I had only known him for a month prior, which I know we moved very quickly, but hey it ended up working out for us. During our 4 months living in his hometown, despite living closer to my father, I had only heard from him maybe once or twice, but never saw him. I had been lucky enough to find a job in the town we were then living in, but we had needed to move to my hometown because the house we were living in was costing us $700 plus $300 for utilities, and we couldn't afford it. For the first couple of years living back in my city, I heard from my father once a month, saw him maybe once every 6-12 months, and everything was going okay, I was content.
Now here we are, 4 years into living in the city, and at this point, I very rarely hear from my father. One of the last times I heard from him, approximately 8 months ago, he decided to drop me a message out of the blue, telling me he "adopted" a little girl. (Now when I say "adopted", he's friends with her mother, hasn't legally adopted her, but she basically lives in his house, with the mother knowing about it. I don't know where her mother is in all this.) In this message, he basically apologized for not being there my whole life, and how this little girl was his way of making up for all of the mistakes, and how he'll treat her better. Are you seriously kidding me? He just told me that he actually replaced me. He was set to believe that I was alright with the situation. He has this little girl, who's not officially his daughter, but he treats her like one, who's living with him, and he loves to brag to me how she's such an angel. The last time I saw my father, was this previous March, I went to his town to see him, I met this little girl. Don't get me wrong, she's adorable and sweet, but it's painful.
The last time he came to the city to see me, was 2 years ago. 2 years!
He says it's because he's broke and can't afford it. Well he's bringing in like 4k a month, and has recently decided to take a road trip to Ontario(which is 2 hours away from me, but 5 hours away from him), and has posted pictures all over facebook of him and this little girl on their trip to Ontario, and how much fun he's having. He tells me he can't drive 3 hours to see me, which is on the way to Ontario, or even make a stop here along the way, but he has no problems driving to Ontario on a whim.
Maybe I'm being selfish, but I would like to see my father once in a while. But no, that's not possible anymore. He refuses to come to the city. How am I supposed to feel about this? It's ridiculously depressing and painful that, to make up for all the horrible things he's done while I've grown up, he's replaced me instead of try to mend his relationship with me.
I don't think I even want to try anymore. I want to have my father in my life, but I don't want him to keep comparing her to me.
What am I supposed to do? Am I wrong?
This might turn out to be long, I'm really sorry. Big thank you if you take the time to read all of it.
Let me start from the beginning. My father had left when I was a baby, and never saw him again, nor ever really knew who my father was (my mom had men coming and going all the time as I was growing up, and refused to tell me who my dad was) until I was about 11. I don't know how, but he had come back into my life, for a few months on and off. until one day, he left, promising to come back soon. I was excited, I couldn't wait to see him again. I counted down the days until he would come back. He never came. After that, I never saw him again until I was about 20.
Since then, he's been in my life on and off, randomly coming and going. At the beginning, I would see him once, maybe twice a month. Until I had to go up north to stay with my aunt and uncle for a few months, due to some family issues. I was up north from july until december. I had some money saved up from a job I had, so when I got back to the city, I moved in with some friends. Saw my father in the February after. At this point I was about to become homeless, because due to the awful job economy in the city, I wasn't able to find a job in those 2 months, I was paying half the rent for the time I was living there (there were 3 of us, I was paying half. tell me how that was fair) as well as me lending my roommates some money for cigarette's and pot. (I know, BIG mistake on my part. they promised to pay me back, they never did.) once I ran out of money, my roommates ended the lease, and gave me 2 weeks to get out. My father had offered me a place to live, a few hours away, until I could get back on my feet, which I reluctantly agreed to. When these 2 weeks were just about up, he changed his mind, gave some sort of bullshit excuse, and left me not knowing what to do. Well, my other aunt and uncle then offered for me to move in with them, but I had to give up my cats (which to this day, I still heavily regret and miss them terribly). Well I moved in with them, immediately began job hunting, which every job out of hundreds actually called and said they declined my resume. Well that's just lovely. During this time, my dad had sent me a birthday gift, but I hadn't actually heard from him.
Once my time with my aunt and uncle came to a stop, my now fiance, who lived a couple hours away, took me in. Now, I had only known him for a month prior, which I know we moved very quickly, but hey it ended up working out for us. During our 4 months living in his hometown, despite living closer to my father, I had only heard from him maybe once or twice, but never saw him. I had been lucky enough to find a job in the town we were then living in, but we had needed to move to my hometown because the house we were living in was costing us $700 plus $300 for utilities, and we couldn't afford it. For the first couple of years living back in my city, I heard from my father once a month, saw him maybe once every 6-12 months, and everything was going okay, I was content.
Now here we are, 4 years into living in the city, and at this point, I very rarely hear from my father. One of the last times I heard from him, approximately 8 months ago, he decided to drop me a message out of the blue, telling me he "adopted" a little girl. (Now when I say "adopted", he's friends with her mother, hasn't legally adopted her, but she basically lives in his house, with the mother knowing about it. I don't know where her mother is in all this.) In this message, he basically apologized for not being there my whole life, and how this little girl was his way of making up for all of the mistakes, and how he'll treat her better. Are you seriously kidding me? He just told me that he actually replaced me. He was set to believe that I was alright with the situation. He has this little girl, who's not officially his daughter, but he treats her like one, who's living with him, and he loves to brag to me how she's such an angel. The last time I saw my father, was this previous March, I went to his town to see him, I met this little girl. Don't get me wrong, she's adorable and sweet, but it's painful.
The last time he came to the city to see me, was 2 years ago. 2 years!
He says it's because he's broke and can't afford it. Well he's bringing in like 4k a month, and has recently decided to take a road trip to Ontario(which is 2 hours away from me, but 5 hours away from him), and has posted pictures all over facebook of him and this little girl on their trip to Ontario, and how much fun he's having. He tells me he can't drive 3 hours to see me, which is on the way to Ontario, or even make a stop here along the way, but he has no problems driving to Ontario on a whim.
Maybe I'm being selfish, but I would like to see my father once in a while. But no, that's not possible anymore. He refuses to come to the city. How am I supposed to feel about this? It's ridiculously depressing and painful that, to make up for all the horrible things he's done while I've grown up, he's replaced me instead of try to mend his relationship with me.
I don't think I even want to try anymore. I want to have my father in my life, but I don't want him to keep comparing her to me.
What am I supposed to do? Am I wrong?
