My girl has another man...

[Revolutionary Justice]

I'm into this girl at my work and she's into me. I told her how I feel and she was ecstatic to say the least. Thing is she has a boyfriend already so i ask her whats up with that. She tells me that she's basically in a loveless relationship. They don't kiss, sleep together, they don't even sleep in the same room! Basically they're roommates at this point but she's scared of him. She says he's "unpredictable". I asked if he's violent towards her and she said no(but i don't believe her honestly) but that last time she talked to him about breaking up he trashed her stuff and threw it all away! Explains why she doesn't have a phone or access to the internet and i kind of feel responsible for it :/. She told me when she leaves him she'll just have to quickly pack up and escape without a word. I asked if he'd shoot me and she said probably if he had a gun lol sweatdrop

Problem is how am I supposed to get her out of this situation? I really do care about her but she's stuck in such a bad place but what am I supposed to do, she basically keeps hinting that she wants to move in with me. I only see her at work, not for that long usually, because her boyfriend doesn't let her out the house the ******** p***k(and he probably knows somethings up). So its like i don't really know her well enough to let her move in (and who knows what the landlady will think of that ugh) but I really enjoy being around her and want to date her. It's all just kind of fast though and I don't know what to do. Her boyfriend sounds like a psycho too like da fok, should I buy protection?

[Lady Littlepaws]

Does the boyfriend have any habits our routines that can be exploited?

I don't get their "relationship" though, they're roomates, they're never intimate, but they're a couple? What?

[vampyrechick24]

I have two different tidbits of advice on this. Not knowing you or her I'm kinda flying blind. First thing, if she wants out of her relationship and feels she can't leave there are unlimited options there. Going to the police, going to a women's shelter, staying with friends or family. There are places she can go to get help and to get away from him, I wouldn't suggest her moving in with you because if you don't know her well enough for her to live with you then don't let her move in. Also if she did move in with you, that puts a aggressive guy trying to cause problems with you. Second piece of advice, alot of girls will be with an abuser and get another guy to fight for them and take care of them to make them feel better and it's nothing but a game to them. In the end they will go back because he is who she really "loves". I throw this out here because I have seen that multiple times with my aunt. Just be careful and really think before you make any big decisions on this one.

[legnanellaf5]

She isnt 'your' girl. So you dont get her out of the situation. She has to. She has to make the move to get out, she has to get herself to a safe place and probably get the cops to help her on this. But it isnt up to you and dont get too involved with someone who may be trying to get something otu of you. If you dont think your place is where she can go, then you make that known to her, suggest a mutual friend, someone else who is at work (a girl??) or a shelter.

[Misty_Mystix]

Revolutionary Justice

I'm into this girl at my work and she's into me. I told her how I feel and she was ecstatic to say the least. Thing is she has a boyfriend already so i ask her whats up with that. She tells me that she's basically in a loveless relationship. They don't kiss, sleep together, they don't even sleep in the same room! Basically they're roommates at this point but she's scared of him. She says he's "unpredictable". I asked if he's violent towards her and she said no(but i don't believe her honestly) but that last time she talked to him about breaking up he trashed her stuff and threw it all away! Explains why she doesn't have a phone or access to the internet and i kind of feel responsible for it :/. She told me when she leaves him she'll just have to quickly pack up and escape without a word. I asked if he'd shoot me and she said probably if he had a gun lol sweatdrop

Problem is how am I supposed to get her out of this situation? I really do care about her but she's stuck in such a bad place but what am I supposed to do, she basically keeps hinting that she wants to move in with me. I only see her at work, not for that long usually, because her boyfriend doesn't let her out the house the ******** p***k(and he probably knows somethings up). So its like i don't really know her well enough to let her move in (and who knows what the landlady will think of that ugh) but I really enjoy being around her and want to date her. It's all just kind of fast though and I don't know what to do. Her boyfriend sounds like a psycho too like da fok, should I buy protection?

She isn't your girl until you guys are in an official relationship. Also note she could just be desperate and on the rebound to find a superman to save her from her hostage situation.
I would suggest she call a cop to help protect her when she moves out and gets a restraining order. She could also report him to the landlord to get him kicked out and change the locks. If she has to move out for her own safety, she should find a women's shelter for abuse victims.

[uralxium]

tread lightly here!
she isn't 'your girl' and he isn't "another man",
you are the "another man"!

if she is in a unhappy relationship,
it's possible she could just be using you to escape that.
does she really like you or are you an escape for her?
with the moving in hints,
I know what suggestion i am drawn to.

there are things she can do to get out of that situation as someone above has already said.
and not to sound awful but this isn't your issue to solve.
and you're right to be a bit weary of this and her reactions,
it's waaaayy too soon for the moving in thing specially if you're just kind of into her.

i'd give her advice on some shelters or maybe ask if there is someone you can contact for her,
a friend or a relative that she can escape to?
but i wouldn't put yourself at the forefront of this.

i cannot see this ending well.

[PeachyPosterior]

There's red flags all over the place here.
If the relationship is dead, she should end it.
If she needs to get her stuff out first and be far away from him, than she should do so.

Don't take her hints and don't let her live with you, you haven't even gone on a date, just expressed an interest in eachother.
And she wants to move in with you? That's another red flag. You don't want her being dependent on you and your roof, she can go stay with family or friends.

If he's a psycho after she moves out she needs to get a restraining order on him.

All you should do is encourage her to leave, tell her she can't stay with you if she asks too, and let her know that the two of you dating can wait until after she's in a safe place and broke things off with him.

[Princess_Jujubeans]

legnanellaf5

She isnt 'your' girl. So you dont get her out of the situation. She has to. She has to make the move to get out, she has to get herself to a safe place and probably get the cops to help her on this. But it isnt up to you and dont get too involved with someone who may be trying to get something otu of you. If you dont think your place is where she can go, then you make that known to her, suggest a mutual friend, someone else who is at work (a girl??) or a shelter.

This!

[xChibi Cannibalx]

She cant move in with you at this point - it wouldnt be a happy fairy tale if she did. You two only know eachother at work, so jumping into something about 10 steps forward, will make you hate one another. Take it one step at a time

Tell her to pack as much of her stuff as she can and then tell her to move in with one of her family members. Let her know you will support her emotionally as a friend as best as you can. If youd like to date her, i suggest hanging out with her every once in a while to talk and see how shes doing. Build a friendship first, really get to know her. As time goes on, youll either begin to date or youll both just remain friends

[Anjele]

At this point, you guys are just friendly coworkers. Not exactly someone to "save" from a situation.

She should seek help at a women's shelter, call the police to help her get her things from her place, and/or stay with a local friend/family member until she can get back on her feet.

Being in such a damaging relationship I should think that she'd want to take some time for herself first, not jump into another relationship. It would be the healthiest option for all parties.

[Nurse Kipsie]

She is in a relationship yet she's flirting with you.

Yeah... Good luck

[Kumacchiato]

I think this is one of those things she needs to fix herself. Plus, how do you know shes telling the truth about all this? Maybe shes just looking to cheat and wants to be firgiven for it?

Even if this is the truth this isnt the situation to start a relationship at all. Maybe just encourage her to make her choices on her own. Then after its done you can pursue her.
You know, police will come escort her when she moves out so there are people who can help.
Try helping her find a place of her own.... I wouldnt let her move in.
Not yet anyways

[flauterfli]

Definitely encourage her to contact DHS or local law enforcement, if he is likely to physically harm her, and another person that she can trust (like a family member or close friend). Help her come up with a safety plan. She could try to pack the essentials discreetly over a week, then leave while he is out of the home or while he's asleep. Be alert and prepared. Men (and women) like that tend to snap when they feel that they're losing control, which is partly why many women stay....the statistic is something like 80% of women in an abusive relationship are more likely to be harmed, even killed, when trying to leave their partner than at any other time. (Unbelievable, I know).

It's up to you whether or not you'd like her to move in.

Source: I was in an abusive situation, as was my cousin and a friend of mine. And to previous posters: please don't judge abused women so harshly if you've never been there. It's not always that easy to pick up your things and "just leave", no matter how strong the woman may be.