Is my boyfriend too busy for me?

Golds

Thanks	100.0%	[ 26 ]
Total Votes:			[ 26 ]

[Teh Grimster]

Hi LI. I'm an 18-year-old girl. My boyfriend and I have been dating for roughly 6 months, with a break that lasted all of last month.

My boyfriend works at a Christian summer camp as head lifeguard. He's eating and sleeping there for the rest of the summer to prepare for living away from home in university. He gets paid very well but he barely has any free time. He is usually let off after supper around 6 PM during the weekdays, with an 11 PM curfew. Then he gets Saturday afternoons and Sunday mornings off. Sunday mornings he goes to church. Since he's decided to work there all summer, he wasn't allowed to have the car since his parents would need it.

I've seen my boyfriend 3 times since school ended. 2 of those have been pretty rushed, where he only came over to my house and cuddled with me on the couch for an hour or so. The third, last Thursday, was a proper date and we had time to have dinner as well as get intimate. It was probably the best evening of my life.

The problem is, every time I ask him when I'll see him next as he's getting ready to leave, he shrugs and says "we'll play it by ear." This is because although he is technically free after 6 PM, he still has his friends from the camp and from school to hang out with. I don't mind that at all, and in fact I encourage it. I just wish he could be more concrete about his dates with me. He's never been a good planner (our plans usually always get postponed or cancelled).

So it's been 4 days since I last saw him. He has a cell phone but I'm scared to call or text him because I don't want to come off as clingy. So I'm just sitting here in the dark, waiting for his next visit.

The thing is, tomorrow is my birthday and I am expecting him to drop by. But at the same time, I don't want to get my hopes up because I hate being disappointed by him. I understand that he's busy but we've barely seen each other since summer started and it'd be a little cold-hearted of him to forget about my birthday. It's sad because I can see him doing it.

What can I do to take my mind off these thoughts LI? I don't want to be sitting around waiting for him.

[ikari879]

Teh Grimster

Hi LI. I'm an 18-year-old girl. My boyfriend and I have been dating for roughly 6 months, with a break that lasted all of last month.

My boyfriend works at a Christian summer camp as head lifeguard. He's eating and sleeping there for the rest of the summer to prepare for living away from home in university. He gets paid very well but he barely has any free time. He is usually let off after supper around 6 PM during the weekdays, with an 11 PM curfew. Then he gets Saturday afternoons and Sunday mornings off. Sunday mornings he goes to church. Since he's decided to work there all summer, he wasn't allowed to have the car since his parents would need it.

I've seen my boyfriend 3 times since school ended. 2 of those have been pretty rushed, where he only came over to my house and cuddled with me on the couch for an hour or so. The third, last Thursday, was a proper date and we had time to have dinner as well as get intimate. It was probably the best evening of my life.

The problem is, every time I ask him when I'll see him next as he's getting ready to leave, he shrugs and says "we'll play it by ear." This is because although he is technically free after 6 PM, he still has his friends from the camp and from school to hang out with. I don't mind that at all, and in fact I encourage it. I just wish he could be more concrete about his dates with me. He's never been a good planner (our plans usually always get postponed or cancelled).

So it's been 4 days since I last saw him. He has a cell phone but I'm scared to call or text him because I don't want to come off as clingy. So I'm just sitting here in the dark, waiting for his next visit.

The thing is, tomorrow is my birthday and I am expecting him to drop by. But at the same time, I don't want to get my hopes up because I hate being disappointed by him. I understand that he's busy but we've barely seen each other since summer started and it'd be a little cold-hearted of him to forget about my birthday. It's sad because I can see him doing it.

What can I do to take my mind off these thoughts LI? I don't want to be sitting around waiting for him.

Well i think you're handling it very well, from what you've said. But for your birthday, if you really think he isnt going to drop by or say anything to you i mean that is really messed up and i dont know what will happen to the relationship; but i think you should still have fun on your own birthday and get together with some friends or something. Its your day, not his. So have fun! And worry about him later, and if he forgets...he'll feel completely guilty.

[Rhia-Butterfly]

Go ahead and text him, you won't seem clingy. Clingy is calling and texting all the time nonstop. Just tell him you miss him and just want to see him or talk. Say that you know he's busy but you miss him.

[fubenkunai]

Text him a little reminder, nothing demanding, just let him know tomorrow's your birthday (People forget these things) and that you'd like to see him. Then make plans for at least some of the day with your friends and family so you're not sitting around waiting for him. Sure, you want him around, but that's no reason to call your life to a screeching halt. Get out, do things, stop hanging around waiting for him to maybe show up for an hour or so if he can.

[dog golf]

Get in contact with him. Just don't text/call every two minutes gonk

He's away all the time and obviously is busy, so the least you could do is ask him to come over on your own birthday.

[Teh Grimster]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

@ Rhia-Butterfly: I have been known to be rather clingy when we were dating in school, so I'm trying to be "aloof" in the summer. This has worked because it's the first time he ever came over voluntarily and surprised me and told me he missed me. Also if I text him now he won't be seeing it till later in the evening, and he almost never texts me back...

@ fubenkunai: A couple of my good friends are away on trips right now, but I definitely agree that I need to keep busy to keep my mind off of him.

@ dog golf: I don't know how exactly to ask him to come over >__> And I like being pleasantly surprised by him. Am I being overly romantic?

[Eleanor Hubbard]

you're handling all this well
sI think you should just wait. I am sure at soem point he'll have more free time to see you.

[fubenkunai]

Teh Grimster

@ dog golf: I don't know how exactly to ask him to come over >__> And I like being pleasantly surprised by him. Am I being overly romantic?

Yes and no. Movie-style romance and grand gestures are all well and good, but if they were normal human behavior, they wouldn't make good stories, would they? There's this notion, especially among women, that you should sit back and wait for everything to come to you a la Cinderella. This generally leads to a lot of hurt feelings and resentment because no one can read minds, and guys tend to be less attentive and sentimental. Sometimes if you want something, the best way to get it is just to ask. That way he knows (It doesn't matter if you think it's obvious, people see things differently) and you've made it more certain you'll get what you need to feel good. I'm not suggesting you hound him for every little thing-- guys should still do nice things every once in a while, without prodding-- but I am suggesting that it's okay to ask, and that it can actually make the relationship better because you're not getting hurt and stewing.

[Bellphaba]

I'm sure your boyfriend will try to do something for you, but if he can't show up at your house because he's busy don't be too dissapointed...


As for taking your mind off things, maybe you could buy a new book or start a puzzle?
Surround yourself with friends and/or family if possible.

[ktenshi]

He is very busy, just tell him to go visit you if he has time tomorrow so you guys can celebrate your birthday.

Call him don't worry ^^

[oO Momma T Oo]

If you have a car, maybe see about going over to visit him instead of him trying to come over to visit you, seeing as he's apparently lacking a car. Or go to church with him on Sundays. Chances are, the reason he's not concrete with his dates is because he doesn't want to make any promises he can't keep. And you might have to take charge there. Ask him when's the next time he has off from work. And then say, "Well, let's go see a movie that day. I'll pick you up at 6:15" or something like that. And go ahead and text him once in awhile. A lot of guys, though they might not admit it, love to know that their girlfriend is thinking about them.

[Anonymous_agent]

i think you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel.
from the sounds of things your more of a booty call than a gf. theres 7 days in a week im sure he should spend a few of those free hours of the day with you more than he's friends!
if he isnt commited then its not going to work, seems like you want to see him more than he wants to see you.

[Teh Grimster]

@ Eleanor Hubbard: Thanks. I just don't want to feel like I'm always waiting for him.

@ fubenkunai: Yes, we discussed those things a few months ago and I understand that guys are completely clueless. Since then I've let him know what I wanted, but still in a mostly hinting fashion because I don't want to order him to do things like a robot. So I should just text him and say "are you free to come over tomorrow?" or something like that?

@ Bellphaba: Thanks ^-^ All of my friends always seem to be working and my parents are at work too...but I'll manage. A friend gave me a good book for my birthday, so I will start on that.

@ ktenshi: ^-^ Thanks. I'll see about calling him.

@ Jesusfreak1988: Going to church with him is a big issue for me...in fact, the reason why we had our month long break was because of religious issues. I was an atheist when I started dating him, and recently turned agnostic. Anyway I feel nervous about going to church with him .__. Yes, I've accused him a couple times of breaking his promises, so I guess he's not talking to me at all so I won't have anything to say about his absence. It's not really fair though, I really do want to see him. I do let him know I'm always thinking of him. I just wished that he'd show me he was thinking of me.

@ Anonymous_agent: Oh, I'm sure I'm not a booty call xD His religion doesn't allow him to have that kind of mindset. I'm not sure when I will have time to talk to him, because I'd rather enjoy my time with him than spend it lecturing him about the way he treats me. He's just got a lot more on his plate right now, he probably doesn't have time to miss me.

[-ConoToxin-]

I haven't seen my boyfriend in almost two weeks.
4 days isn't much.
Understandably you want to see him, so just ask him to keep like a day of the week for you or something. Ask him if he can keep... say... every Tuesday evening acfter work for you. Stuff like that.

[fubenkunai]

Yeah, a text asking him to come over would be appropriate. You could even slip a reminder that it's your birthday in, so he knows you're not just wanting to do something because you're bored. If you plan out some stuff to do, you could hang with friends during the day then ask him to go to a movie and get birthday ice cream with you, or something like that. Don't be afraid to drop the hint! whee